Dave Barry's Blog

AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

Watch This Poor Car Wash Worker Get Whipped Around By A Huge Brush

(Thanks to James Flynn)

A STRONG SELLING POINT

Arizona man: I'm selling my ranch after aliens tried to abduct my wife

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

OYSTERS CAN HEAR YOUR NOISE POLLUTION AND IT’S STRESSING THEM OUT

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Veee)

THEY ARE NATURAL ENEMIES

Moose vs. Prius

(Thanks to Fred Z)

WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW

What do Alaska’s lone congressman, a legendary 98-year-old bush pilot, the father-in-law of a sitting U.S. senator, side-by-side all-terrain vehicles and the sexual performance of elderly men have in common?

(Thanks to Jane in Kenai)

YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS WERE BEHIND THIS

Plane hits an eagle...and a rabbit

(Thanks to Ralph)

'NATALIE THREW UP'

Colorado morning show anchors ate the world’s hottest chip on air, and it did not go well

(Thanks to coscolo and James Flynn)

HARD PASS

Stahlys VEGETARIAN Haggis

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who says "However, it may not be gluten free.")

'FOR UP TO ONE HOUR'

New app allows users to reserve TOILETS in NYC bars and restaurants without waiting in line

(Thanks to George, who says "And the used will be beaten to death by the 238 people standing [okay, dancing] in line, waiting to use the facility.")

HE'S A HERO

This Morning ‘insults’ viewers as Ben Shephard eats SQUIRREL in front of PETA director

Related: Pitch invading squirrel goes nuts at Manchester City's Etihad Stadium before groundsmen finally manage to grab it

(Thanks to Roberto)

We saw Pitch Invading Squirrel open for the Troggs.

CRITICAL MASS: AUSTRALIA, FLORIDA AND ZOMBIES

An Australian tourist in Key West was jailed Sunday after police said she randomly attacked a rider in the annual Zombie Bike Ride on Duval Street.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

A ROUGH YEAR FOR ROCK 'N' ROLL

Now Fats is gone. 

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

YOU KNOW IT HAS A DRIVER'S LICENSE

There is a large and likely dangerous lizard on the loose in the Keys

'SOMEHOW'

Boise Fire told KBOI 2News that a man somehow ended up in a dumpster on the 7600 block of W. Lemhi Street when a garbage truck picked up the container and tossed its content inside.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THEY SHOULD ROLL IT BACK IN

Taco Bell rolls out Kit Kat-stuffed quesadilla

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Australian woman captures picture of enormous 2ft earthworm driven above ground by heavy rains

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

AUSTRALIAAAAAAAAAA

'Idiots of the century' photographed playing in baited crocodile trap in Australia

(Thanks to Roberto, Art Kraus and Le Petomane)

IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME

Due to a controversial Canadian import law, the made-in-Scotland haggises all had to be crafted without one of their most signature ingredients: sheep lung

That picture. Ew.

(Thanks to The Perts)

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

An Australian woman traveling from Brisbane to Los Angeles last week climbed aboard a sleeping passenger’s lap, kicked and tried to bite and punch two flight attendants, and screamed profanities for hours after she was restrained, an FBI affidavit alleges.

(Thanks to manual tomato)

FOR THAT SPECIAL LADY WITH STURDY FINGERS

The NYC Ring.

(Thanks to nursecindy, who says "All I can think about is how bad it would hurt if that little Empire State Building went up your nose or in your eye.")

SOME THINGS ARE JUST NOT FUNNY

This is one of those things.

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

And this is another.

(Thanks to Roberto)

NEW ZEALAND: TOO CLOSE TO AUSTRALIA

Swimmers run for shore when killer whale surfaces feet away

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

FLORIDAAAAAAAA

Man spanks Orlando police horse

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

REASON NUMBER 2,038 NOT TO GO TO AUSTRALIA

This.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

'PROJECT WILD'

Duke program changed after students caught naked on natural waterslide

(Thanks to James in NC)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Australian cyclist invents magpie-proof bike helmet

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT

A Satellite Chunk Could Fall on Your Head at Any Moment.

Related: Unidentified object crashes down near Southside Hills in St. John's

(Thanks to The Perts)

SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER TO WALK

British Airways apologizes after passengers say bedbug-infested flight left them 'covered in bites'

(Thanks to Judy B)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Scientists are reporting a record number of  stink bugs in the U.S.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FLORIDA EDUCATION REPORT

The party included rubber penises, penis candles, penis hats and more. “There was a cake that had a lollipop shaped as a vagina,” said the mother.

This has been the Florida Education Report.

(Thanks to D Shey)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

An Oklahoma motorist was covered in Vaseline and wearing only a thong bikini when a patrolman pulled over his vehicle for speeding, according to a court filing which notes that a porno magazine was atop the passenger seat.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

WHEN SOCCER GOALIES HAVE NIGHTMARES

...they look like this.

(Thanks to James Flynn)

A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Road rage driver forgets to put handbrake on and runs HIMSELF over with his own car

From Australia, a.k.a. "The Florida of Continents."

(Thanks to Fabian Marson, Patty Villanova, D Shey and Madeleine) 

UPDATE FROM OUR FAVORITE INDUSTRY NEWSLETTER

Jennifer McNevin, an office worker at JOTS Rentals in Longview, Texas, won the October “Where’s the Restroom?” contest in PRO.

CSI: DAYTON

Police are searching for a man who dropped three T-bone steaks down his shorts.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

SEND THIS DOG TO WASHINGTON

Macron's dog Nemo filmed peeing on Elysée fireplace

(Thanks to Ralph)

AUSTRALIAAAAAAAAAAAA

Horrifying spider with hundreds of babies on its back creeps up on tourists

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

CANADA FINALLY TACKLES ITS CRIME PROBLEM

Montreal man says he was given $149 ticket after singing while driving

(Thanks to Noah Spicker)

GUYS IN ACTION

Hardcore beer chugger downs 6 beers in 40 seconds with A LEAF BLOWER

(Thanks to Rick Day)

OH, THE HUMANITY

Semi With 40K Lbs Of French Fries Rolls On I-35W

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "A truckload of ketchup is on the way.")

THANKS, SCIENCE

Science confirms spiders and snakes are innately terrifying

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

STAND TALL, KENOSHA

He broke his own record last week in Paris when he stuck nine cans to his head.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

'IN AN ATTEMPT TO DISLODGE IT FROM A CAR ENGINE'

Man bites huge python

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT PAYS TO BELONG TO AMAZON PRIME, DUDE

They found a little something extra in their Amazon order — 65 pounds of marijuana

(Thanks to Stephen Hansen and Robert Harvey)

WE REMEMBER WHEN THE TRADITION WAS TO PASS OUT CIGARS

Newborn's dad sold heroin in maternity ward of Greensburg hospital, police say

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE COWSILLS

KZN police arrest 34 poo slinging pupils

(Thanks to Ralph)

HOW THE PROS START A FIRE

Idaho house burns after tenant uses diesel fuel in fireplace

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER THAN A CUCUMBER ABANDONER

Someone keeps abandoning cucumbers in Tunbridge Wells and no-one knows why

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU KNOW THE POLAR SQUIRRELS ARE BEHIND THIS

Russian village is surrounded by 20 polar bears which have tried to force their way into one home already

(Thanks to D Shey)

LIKE, DUDE, DO YOU HAVE TO SWIM *ALL THE TIME?*

Scientists Gave Fish Marijuana to See if It Would Make Them Relax

(Thanks to Robert Harvey, Roberto and Rick Day)