Dave Barry's Blog

TATAS FOR TACOS

Woman flashes Taco Bell guests in hopes of a free taco

(Thanks to Jim [formerly of] Perth)

EW

Disturbing moment man opens his mouth to reveal his pet SCORPION

This is in -- surprise! -- Miami.

(Thanks to Geoff)

MAYBE THERE WAS NO INFLIGHT MOVIE

Man, woman caught having sex on flight to Detroit after meeting on plane

(Thanks to John Lobert and Dave Kearns)

DO HEADLINE WRITERS NEED PROOFREADERS?

Nah.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

'DON'T YOU GET YOUR GRASS IN MY YARD'

Vero Beach Neighbors Throw Punches Over Lawn Mower

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SO IT'S NOT JUST AMERICANS

Lampposts are being covered in airbags to stop so-called 'smartphone zombies' bumping into them as they walk around staring at their screens in the Austrian city of Salzburg

(Thanks to Geoff, who says "Darwin would not be pleased.")

YOU KNOW WHO GAVE THE ORDER

Beaver knocks out power to thousands after chewing down pole near Prince Albert

(Thanks to John Mayson, Jon Harris and Jay Brandes)

THAILAND GOLF REPORT

Snake wraps its long body around a 2ft-long iguana before devouring it whole in FIVE MINUTES

This has been the Thailand Golf Report.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WAIT... THAT ISN'T ALLOWED?

Court says man deserves new trial because jurors slept

(Thanks to Noah Spicker)

AW

Ohio neighbors rescue deer whose head was trapped in plastic pumpkin bucket

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THE IMAGINED INTRUDERS ALL PRODUCED VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Florida man shoots at imagined intruders, arrested

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THIS IS HUGE

Controversy erupts over where to put the cheese in a cheeseburger emoji.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THE CHICKS DIG IT

Teen stopped by police in his tractor said he was 'looking for women'

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

THERE IS NO FAMILY FUN LIKE CHUCK E. CHEESE FAMILY FUN

Several people, including children, pepper-sprayed during fight at Metairie Chuck E. Cheese

(Thanks to John Mayson)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

‘Jersey Shore’ Franchise Makes MTV Comeback With Followup Series ‘Floribama Shore’ From SallyAnn Salsano

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THE CONTINUING ASSAULT ON OUR FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS

Bobcat in bathroom of Oklahoma newspaper startles publisher

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE HAVE PROVED THESE SCIENTISTS WRONG MANY TIMES

How much candy would it take to kill you? About 262 Halloween treats, scientists say

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

DO NOT MESS WITH MOMS

Mom shoots burglar in the buttocks to protect her family

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

CSI: KOOTENAI COUNTY

"The public will actually go to deposit their garbage in the containers and there will actually be people, physically inside the dumpsters," Mayer said. 

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

COMING TO THE BIG SCREEN

RODENTS OF UNUSUAL SIZE

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Deltona woman accused of stealing father’s 47 firearms

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Goat Yoga at Healing Acres Farms

(Thanks to Craig Magee, who says: "This is not goats doing yoga.  It is people doing yoga with goats. For some reason.")

STAND TALL, YOUNGSTOWN STATE

Ohio university sets world record for the number of people dressed in penguin costumes

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THE SQUIRRELS DEMANDED CASH

Startup will train crows to pick up cigarette butts in return for peanuts

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA: LAND OF MOUNTING TENSIONS

Easton wrote Mourant a note after he saw an adult verbally harass the officer for practising his bagpipes while walking in the neighbourhood.

(Thanks to The Perts)

SPORTS UPDATE

If you are a male of the masculine gender, we strongly recommend against clicking on the Sports Update.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

Naked Palm Bay Man Tells Lowe’s Customers He’s Jesus Christ

You know the state.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Americans 'are not properly cleaning their anuses'

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

ALASKA AVIATION UPDATE

Monday, Scott Babcock shared a photo and video of a bearded seal cavalierly lounging on the runway at the airport with the caption, FOD-- airport slang for "Foreign Object Debris."

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY WON'T GET FAR ON FOOT

A group of burglars recently broke into a London burger joint, where they proceeded to drink $15,000 worth of alcohol and dance the night away, according to the restaurant's manager.

(Thanks to D Shey)

BECAUSE AIR TRAVEL DOESN'T SUCK ENOUGH ALREADY

Southwest plans to expand it's midair 'pop up concerts' - but nobody seems very happy about it!

Go figure!

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

WAIT, WHAT?

Aircraft engineer avoids jail after removing a man's testicle in a motel room

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

DUH

Man locked in Kwik Trip beer cooler stays and drinks

(Thanks to B'game, wander2575, Veee, Steve K., Roberto and Bill Hudgins)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Woman caught stealing cement pavers threatens to sue for back injury

(Thanks to KJP)

WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

As pacemakers and other implantable devices become more common, so are crematoria explosions.

Key Quote: Statistics for the U.S. are scarce, perhaps because letting it get out that you blew up someone’s grandfather wouldn’t be good for business.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

JOHN CLEESE ON FLORIDA:

"I know (author) Dave Barry well and he's told me it's the least American of all states. I find that's why I like it so much."

(Thanks to ubetcha)

'WE DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GOOD SEX'

People who frequently use marijuana are likely to have sex more often, a new study suggests.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

JERSEY ROOTS OUT CRIME

Teens disguised as bushes in New Jersey park may face charges

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

ADVISORY FOR THE CITIZENS OF PULLMAN, WASH.:

Aggressive squirrel reported

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

NAME THAT STATE!

Officer accidentally tasers boy,10, during gun safety lesson

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

POLICE EVENTUALLY CRACKED THE CASE

Driver refuses to unclench his heroin-hiding buttocks

Related: Palm Springs man gripes he can’t sell heroin ‘no more’ after arrest

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE CONSTITUTION

Park service denies permit for 45-foot-tall nude woman statue on National Mall

(Thanks to Scott Baker)

THIS JUST IN

Man enjoys life after losing 3-foot-long penis

(Thanks to D Shey and Veee)

HALLOWEEN IN MIAMI

We might be taking it too far.

THE OWNER 'FORGOT ABOUT HIM'

Police say a 5-foot boa constrictor was found in an Asheville hotel room Monday afternoon.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

In Australia, if you want a hotel room without a snake, you must specifically request it.

WE AGREE WITH SCIENCE

The universe shouldn’t exist, according to science

(Thanks to Veee)

IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE, I'LL ALSO CARRY AN UMBRELLA

A New York landlord is forcing tenants at two properties to share a single bathroom during renovations, causing such a desperate situation human waste is being tossed out of windows, residents say.

(Thanks to Geoff)

IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE, I THINK I'LL USE UBER

Nose-Picking Masturbator Terrorizes NYC Subway Riders

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "I saw the Nose-Picking Masturbators open for The Who.")

HEALTH TIP OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Officials in Madagascar have warned residents not to exhume bodies of dead loved ones and dance with them because the bizarre ritual can cause outbreaks of plague.

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

NAME THAT COUNTY!

7:49 p.m. A law enforcement officer stopped a car because a passenger had fired a gun out the window. The officer was concerned that they were trying to hunt animals from their car, but the suspect said he was merely shooting signs from the comfort of his own car, which apparently is OK.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)