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August 26, 2017
WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME
Krispy Kreme has launched its own range of lip glosses and nail varnish
(Thanks to Le Petomane)
THE CALGARY HERALD COVERS HURRICANE HARVEY
MEANWHILE ABROAD
FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN AUSTRALIA
Man finds massive monitor lizard swimming in bathroom water tank
(Thanks to Ralph)
PRIORITIES
(Thanks to Steve K., who says "We'll drink warm Lone Star beer first.")
GO FIGURE
People Put Sunscreen On Eyes During Eclipse And It Didn't Go Well
(Thanks to Will Dooley)
AUSTRALIA
IT'S A GATEWAY FRUIT
Man arrested in Australia for unlawful possession as hundreds of avocados seized
(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)
THIS BLOG, FOR ONE, WELCOMES OUR NEW ARACHNID OVERLORDS
August 25, 2017
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN TELL
Kid finds loaded gun in Lenox Square dressing room; mom pulls trigger to see if it's real
(Thanks to Le Petomane)
SPEAKING OF ILLEGALS
Man charged with smuggling tiger cub into US
(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)
WE ARE ALL ILLEGALS
Humans came from galaxies, far, far away, scientists say
(Thanks to mezrap, who says "This explains Dennis Rodman.")
FLATHEAD: COUNTY IN CHAOS
Also: A Columbia Falls woman was concerned both about Facebook messages that she’d received recently and the fact that her dog was barking more than normal.
(Thanks to Roberto)
AND YOU THOUGHT THE ECLIPSE WAS BIG
Uranus is probably full of giant diamonds
(Thanks to Rick Day)
HURRICANE HARVEY PREPAREDNESS TIP
(Thanks to Steve K.)
This blog wishes good luck to all in Harvey's path. Really.
THE MAYOR NAMED IT SHARON
Elusive Gold Coast stonefish captured in Evandale Lake
(Thanks to coscolo)
MAYBE HE WAS LATE FOR A FUNERAL
Driver with casket on roof leads police on chase down Arkansas interstate
(Thanks to Le Petomane, Bill Hudgins and Patty Villanova)
THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS
YOU HAVE TO HAVE AT LEAST 20 TEETH
(Thanks to Roberto, who says "Half of my high school staff would fit that description.")
WHO SAYS YOUNG PEOPLE LACK INITIATIVE?
21-Year-Old Man With 81 Driver's License Suspensions Arrested on Long Island
A Florida license is on the way.
(Thanks to Le Petomane)
ALWAYS USE A HAMBURGER
Pro tip from police: Don’t hide your meth in a PB&J sandwich
(Thanks to Kevin Smith)
August 24, 2017
WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
Bacteria from elite athletes’ poop might boost sports performance
(Thanks to Tembo Samadi)
WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
STEP ONE: STOP PEEING ON IT
TODAY'S BUSINESS REPORT
Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you Today's Business Report.
CSI: ROSEBURG
DEMANDING 'SPARE' CHANGE
Duck on leash seen waddling around Brooklyn subway car
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
THESE KIDS TODAY
Young Chinese are 'too fat and masturbate too much to pass army fitness tests'
(Thanks to Ranald Adams)
TOGETHERNESS
THAT'LL DO
Farmer thanks firefighters who saved piglets by serving them up as sausages
(Thanks to many people)
THIS DOESN'T SOUND VERY TRUSTWORTHY, LOYAL, HELPFUL ETC.
Girl Scouts accuse Boy Scouts of trying to steal away recruits
(Thanks to funny man)
August 23, 2017
INQUIRING MINDS
CSI: DENMARK
Police sent rubbish busker home to practice his Wonderwall cover
"Just because you can play Wonderwall does not mean you should."
(Thanks to Ralph)
GET AMERICA MOVING AGAIN
OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR
Bride, groom arrested in post-wedding bar brawl
(Thanks to The Perts)
THE BEAR HAS FILED A LAWSUIT
Man 'punched the bear in the nose' during wild home invasion
(Thanks to Le Petomane)
SEEMS FAIR
Teenager arrested for dancing Macarena on Saudi street
(Thanks to B'game and Jeff Meyerson)
BUT NOT FROM THE TURTLE
Sexy Japanese actress strokes turtle head in tourism promotion video drawing complaints
The video is not weird at all!
(Thanks to funny man)
Related Japanese Thing That Is Not Weird At ALL: Now you can buy cough-drop flavoured Kit Kats in Japan
(Thanks to Jay Brandes)
THE NEWS FROM ABROAD
Nigeria's president will spend three months working from home after his office was damaged by rats.
(Thanks to Fabian Marson, who says "Send the rats to Washington.")
PARATROOPERS WERE ALSO STANDING BY
'CAUGHT BREAD-HANDED'
Woman caught smuggling vodka into sporting event inside salami sandwich
(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)
August 22, 2017
IT WAS ASKING FOR IT
(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "But it worked for Mongo.")
For you whippersnappers: Here's Mongo in action.
NEEDLESS TO SAY THEY'RE ORANGE
German police seize 5,000 Trump-shaped ecstasy pills
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, Bill Carver and Jon Harris)
IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK
Dubai arrests man for hiding 5.7M pills in sheep intestines
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says: "Ewe.")
HE WORE A WELDER'S MASK
Car theft suspect pulls over to watch eclipse, gets arrested, deputies say
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
PARENTHOOD
FORTUNATELY FOR HIM, THE FLORIDA LIMIT IS 18
Drunken driver hit 17 cars in Osceola County while trying to park, FHP says
(Thanks to B'game and Ralph)