Dave Barry's Blog

PRIORITIES

Czech power plant holds bikini contest to pick interns

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

BUT CAN IT PICK UP A MIDDLE-SCHOOL STUDENT?

Oscar Mayer Made a Drone to Rain Hot Dogs Down on Humanity

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve)

MARINADE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Boy, 7, charged for urinating onto steaks on neighbor's grill

(Thanks to Layla)

YOUR POINT?

A Florida man driving an RV on the Onondaga Lake Parkway hit the bridge -- shearing off air-conditioning units, awnings and antennas from the RV -- but did not stop, the Onondaga County Sheriff's Office said.

(Thanks to John G)

YOU GO, GIRL

Martha the mastiff wins World's Ugliest Dog

(Thanks to Steve K)

THIS JUST IN

Group to re-erect ‘Trollpikken’

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY FEAR

Police advise Calgarians not to take selfies with moose on the loose

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUYS IN ACTION

He Decided To Tee Off From His Friend's Butt And It Went Exactly As You'd Expect

Advisory: Butt.

(Thanks to Rose Marie Dammann)

THAT'S OUR REACTION TO 'COPACABANA'

Stage adaptation of Orwell's 1984 leaves audiences fainting and vomiting

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

AND YOU CAN 'RECREATE THE LOOK'

Glitter boobs are the hot new beauty trend taking over Glastonbury

ADVISORY: Glitter boobs.

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Chester County man shatters world record in Plum for fastest mile on a pogo stick

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

FLORIDA'S NEXT GOVERNOR

Drunk, high and naked man shows up to Clearwater home, throws feces

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DOWN!

Would Your Dog Eat You If You Died?

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

IT WAS CONSENTING POUTINE

Boston is doing 'horrific' things to poutine, warns magazine writer

(Thanks to The Perts)

'MOMMY MILK CREATIONS'

A Rhode Island company that makes jewelry from breast milk has been ordered to refund customers and return the breast milk they sent.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

SO THEY'RE ON TO SOMETHING

While a television news crew was gathering footage for a story about crime in the Albuquerque downtown area, a thief drove off in the station's SUV.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck, Le Petomane and funny man)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Serial mailbox destroyer wreaks havoc on neighborhood (Autoplay)

Villager who said she drank wine at community pool arrested after wild ride in golf cart

Florida contractor fakes death to dodge angry homeowners

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, funny man and Jim Kenaston)

THE LID WAS UP

Found: A Viking Toilet, the Oldest Bathroom in Denmark

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Radio powered by your own sweat hints at future of wearables

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck, who says "I have friends who could power trucks.")

JUST SHOOT US

Man Visits Disneyland 2,000 Days in a Row

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

THIS GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

Goose wearing a red thong found by RSPCA

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

WE'LL PAY, THANKS

This Is How You Earn A Free Shot At A Bar in Thailand

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Just watch.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE

An Uber-style toilet van has been cruising the streets of New York this week, answering the calls of those busting to use a bathroom.

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Bill Hudgins and mezrap)

THE FROG DOESN'T FEEL SO GREAT EITHER

Woman Finds Frog in Salad at BJ’s Restaurant in West Covina, Says She Still Feels Sick a Week Later

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

A GREAT FIRST-DATE ICEBREAKER

Smell PGH lets you report weird smells in Pittsburgh

(Thanks to RussellMc)

YOU SNORT IT WITH SYRUP

Elgin men tried to pass off pancake mix as $27,000 worth of cocaine, police say

We're not sure we understand why you can be arrested for selling pancake mix, but whatever.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "Looks like we have about $10k worth of batter in the pantry.")

NUTRITIONALLY THEY ARE IDENTICAL

More parents have admitted mistakenly trying to feed their children dog food after a pet snack pack featuring a well-known kids cartoon was put next to chips in a supermarket.

Name This Blog Is Not Making Fun Of: "Whanganui"

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

WE'RE STILL TRYING TO ADJUST TO FIDGET SPINNERS

Toothpick crossbow: New toy strikes fear in parents' hearts

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Update: Speaking of fidget spinners.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

FLORIDA: OUR SENIOR CITIZENS ARE NOT LIKE YOUR SENIOR CITIZENS

Deputies in The Villages bust suspected drug house, golf cart chop shop

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Al Barkafski)

ADVISORY

Beware floating fire ant colonies during floods

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

CSI: HERKIMER COUNTY

Morons busted trying to steal cops’ cocks

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and John Gregg)

WE'LL NEVER FORGET WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE TERRIBLE NEWS

Kim Kardashian's butt is disappearing!

(Thanks to The Perts)

YOU KNOW WHO'S BEHIND THIS

Swimmers warned after aggressive beaver attacks two in Swiss river

(Thanks to Ralph)

PRIORITIES

Florida bar gets robbed as patrons continue to drink

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Worker bit in tussle with would-be thief over stripper pole

(Thanks to Bill Hudins and Le Petomane)

NOW *THIS* IS LEADERSHIP

Wasp flies in Costa Rica president’s mouth, he eats it

(Thanks to Ralph)

AT LEAST HE'S CLEAN

Vero Beach Man Sniffs 9 Cans Of ‘Dust-Off’ Canned Air

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

YET YOUR PHONE BATTERY DIES EVERY DAY AROUND 3pm

Pennsylvania alarm clock stuck in wall for 13 years goes off every day

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WOOF, DUDE

Medical marijuana woos four-legged fans

(Thanks to Roberto)

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

Ikea is investigating after a man reported his grapes caught fire in one of their bowls.

(Thanks to Ed Floden)

GOD KNOWS HOW THIS RESIDENT WOULD HAVE REACTED TO A STANDARD FLORIDA COCKROACH

Houston resident calls animal control to remove 'alligator' that turns out to be lizard

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

THIS BLOG STANDS WITH THE ORGANIZERS

Just days ahead of its opening, the organizers of Columbus’s Community Festival (ComFest) have announced that they intend to file a lawsuit seeking an injunction against law enforcement agencies from punishing women for going topless at the popular event.

(Thanks to Mike Leone)

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT THE CANNIBALS WANTED

A man complaining that cannibals were determined to eat his intestines was tased on Monday by Lake County sheriff’s deputies.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NAME THAT STATE!

When a deputy asked Whyard how much she had to drink, she replied, “Not Enough!”

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

YOU GO, MOM

Mom befriends shirtless football players at daughter's college orientation

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

AS IS HER CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

A Texas woman who police said packed a loaded pistol in her vagina has been sentenced to probation after she pleaded guilty to drug possession.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

PEOPLE OF OHIO:

Our condolences.

(Thanks to funny man)

SOME DAY THESE FOOLS WILL FIGURE OUT THAT *ALL* SQUIRRELS ARE 'ROGUE'

Rogue squirrel goes nuts in Time Inc office building

(Thanks to mezrap)

CSI: JACK IN THE BOX

Gun brandished, three arrested in Pierce over chicken nuggets

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)