Dave Barry's Blog

BOLO

The company posted YouTube video showing what it says were thieves taking two shipping boxes containing more than 30,000 condoms in the Friday break-in.

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE

Found: America’s Third Species of Flying Squirrel

(Thanks to John Mayson, who says "You mean people were looking?")

OR ROUGHLY ONE-TENTH OF WHAT YOU'LL OWE THE GASTROENTEROLOGIST

This Restaurant Will Pay You $900 If You Can Eat 20 Pounds of Rice and Curry in an Hour

(Thanks to funny man)

NO DOUBT HE WAS BACKING TOWARD FLORIDA

Idiot backing up on the highway causes multiple car accidents

People do this on Miami expressways all the time.

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

A TOTALLY RATIONAL RESPONSE

Deprived of popcorn at movie theater, Tennessee man assaults cop

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Teenagers Are Wearing Croissants to the Prom

(Thanks to Bill  Hudgins)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE BEATLES

RESEARCHERS TEST SELF-DESTRUCTING MOTH PEST IN CABBAGE PATCH

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FOR THE WELL-INFORMED FLORIDA* TRAVELER

*Also Georgia

OOPS

Monk Uses Wrong Marker Pen On Man’s Car

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

THE ANSERS WILL SUPRISE YOU

What Are the Most Misspelled Words in Every State?

(Thnaks to The Purts)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Police evacuate Beaverton 7-Eleven after microwave explosion, find urine sample

(Thanks to Gordon Breault)

STANLEY CUP UPDATE

"Waddell said he vacuum sealed the fish and placed inside his compression shorts."

This has been your Stanley Cup Update.

(Thanks to Ralph)

SNAKES MAKING NEWS

Ugandan Woman Claims To Give Birth To Twins Which One Is A Big Python Snake

Snake regurgitates another snake, which is still alive

(Thanks to Rick Day, Layla and Ralph)

WHY? WE ALREADY HAVE I-95

Melbourne may approve tank-driving, car-crushing outdoor attraction

Autoplay.

(Thanks to funny man)

RIBBIT

Everything's bigger in Texas.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

WWII grenades from German flea market blow up in summer heat

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

TRAFFIC ADVISORY

Two camels cause a massive traffic jam in the desert by mating in the middle of a motorway in Dubai

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Layla)

SIGNS THAT A RELATIONSHIP MAY BE IN TROUBLE

Here's one.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CANADIAN TERROR UPDATE

It's getting worse.

(Thanks to The Perts)

NOW WE WANT TO HUG ONE

KZN earthworms get English names to be more relatable to the public

(Thanks to Ralph, who asks "Didn’t Disorderly-Bristled Stumpy Earthworm open for Country Joe and the Fish?")

AND IF THEY HAVE SINNED, IT CAN VAPORIZE THEM

Robot 'priest' can beam light from its hands and give automated blessings to worshippers

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck and Le Petomane)

AND IN SPORTS

Kung Fu master uses his penis to pull enormous HELICOPTER in latest bizarre world record

(Thanks to DaninDallas, Catherine DeLorey, Jim Kenaston and Patty Villanova)

Some day we will live in a greener world in which all of our freight trains are pulled by Kung Fu masters.

JUST IN CASE YOU ARE THE ONE PERSON LEFT ON THE PLANET

...who has not yet seen this.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THIS BLOG CANNOT KEEP UP ANY MORE

People Are Now Into Fidget Spinner Porn

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED, BRO

Flat Earther confronts NASA employee with ‘proof’ the world is actually flat

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MEMORIAL DAY

Have a good one. But please remember -- and please remind your kids -- why it's called Memorial Day.

SPORTS UPDATE FROM JAPAN

The 42-year-old professional still has a repertoire of impressive underwater moves up her sleeve, and one of them includes performing with bright blue armpits.

(Thanks to Ralph)

FIRST GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE, AND NOW THIS

Canadian researchers have discovered a new species of meat-eating sponge in the North Atlantic Ocean.

(Thanks to David Emery, who believes the Meat-Eating Sponges opened for the Dead Kennedys)

ALL ABOARD!

Woman, 45, claims she is 'married' to a train station - which she has sex with 'in her mind'

(Thanks to John Mayson)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Tots Trapped in Bounce House After Neighbor Unplugs It

And stay off his lawn.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

BECAUSE WHAT WE NEED NOW IS DRUNK ALLIGATORS

2 men charged after SnapChat shows alligator forced to drink beer

Amazing Fact: Not Florida!

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and Matt Filar)

THE SQUIRRELS WERE BEHIND THIS

Great white shark jumps into fisherman's boat, injuring 73-year-old man

(Thanks to Rick Day and Jay Brandes)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE DAMN CONSTITUTION

Judge denies accused man's request to juggle during trial

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"I request pre-trial release with accommodations of food and shelter at the most luxurious hotel at all while I prove my case of sexual trafficking against."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NOT SCREWED UP AT ALL!

Models from the world's first agency for 'modified humans' have spent $3 MILLION between them on surgery to look like characters such as a Ken doll, Britney Spears and an ALIEN

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Allen at Division)

WE AGREE, IF YOU MEAN 'SURPRISING' IN THE SENSE OF 'STUPID'

4 Surprising Ways to Use Beer This Summer (Besides Drinking It)

(Thanks to MOTW)

OUR ADVICE IS, DON'T ASK OREGON TO HELP

A rotting, putrid whale remains lodged on a Newfoundland beach, as a picturesque seaside town tries to come up with a plan to get rid of it.

(Thanks to The Perts)

YOU KNOW WHO TAUGHT THEM TO DO THIS

Monkey mafia steal your stuff, then sell it back for a cracker

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Le Petomane, Allen at Division and funny man)

'BOT DYLAN'

Computer composes new tunes after being trained on 23,000 Irish folk songs

It won't really work until they train it to drink Guinness.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

AHOY

HBO series The Leftovers features mass orgy scene involving 200 naked actors who spent a week filming romps on a ferry

(Thanks to funny man)

APPARENTLY THE DRIVER DIDN'T SEE THE RED LIGHT

Tractor-trailer crashes into famed ‘Bunny Ranch’ Nevada brothel

(Thanks to funny man and Richard Steurer)

UPDATE ON THE WORSENING SITUATION IN CANADA

It's getting worse.

(Thanks to Ralph)

SHE WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID ETC.

A loggerhead turtle became disoriented early Wednesday morning and crossed a busy four-lane Key West road four times after laying her eggs on a path across the street from Smathers Beach, police said.

VERKING OF THE BEATS

Here’s What Happened When Computers Tried Naming Metal Bands

(Thanks to L. Raymond)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

Machete-Wielding Clown Tries To Hitchhike Along Busy California Highway

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

CANADA: THE TERROR CONTINUES

200 frozen turkey pies stolen from Ont. church

(Thanks to The Perts)

NO DOUBT ON HIS WAY TO FLORIDA

Astonished travelers on a Brazil road captured video of a man driving a car that's so badly damaged his head doesn't fit under the collapsed roof.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

THE WACKEN OPEN AIR

German music festival constructs 4-mile beer pipeline

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

OOPS

City contractors accidentally knocked down a Riverside rowhouse Sunday as they attempted an emergency demolition on a property with a shared wall.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Naked Florida man steals $25K swan sculpture

(Thanks to John Mayson)