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March 31, 2017

WHOA

Badger Buries Entire Cow in Shocking New Video

(Thanks to Gordon Anderson)

SPECIFICALLY, COCAINE

Florida Keys man who looks like Santa Claus arrested on drug charges

BOLO

Michigan police searching for $2,000 inflatable beer bottle

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

DUDE, LIKE, WOOF

Stoned' dog bleary-eyed and barely able to stand after 'eating a joint while out walking'

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

GUYS IN ACTION

British inventor Colin Furze builds world's fastest bumper car

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

CANADA: A GIANT ORGY TO THE NORTH

Majority of middle-aged Canadians not using condoms, survey suggests

(Thanks to The Perts)

NOTHING LOWER THAN A DIRT RUSTLER

Man arrested for stealing thousands of tons of dirt

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

KINKY

Bra gets tangled in Highland red deer stag's antlers

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

HOW GUYS DISPLAY FRIENDSHIP

Cops called after guy left duct-taped to a sign

(Thanks to Ralph)

WAIT... IT HAD SEX WITH SCIENTISTS?

Tyrannosaurus rex was a sensitive lover, scientists find

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Kevin Smith and Ron Weil)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE NOBEL PRIZES

'Pooper-scooper' drone cleans up dog poo so you don't step in it: Aerial craft searches for animal waste then sends a rolling robot to collect it

(Thanks to coscolo and Le Petomane)

OOPS

NC wife searching for wedding dress after husband donates it

(Thanks to nursecindy, who says "Somebody's going to be sleeping on the sofa.")

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Mexico invents cloud which rains tequila

Autoplay. We hate autoplay.

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Roberto, Dad-O-Lot and Le Petomane)

March 30, 2017

ADVISORY FOR AUSTRALIAN MOTORISTS:

Watch out for road sharks.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

THE MAGIC BEHIND THE RODENT

Here's a 1991 Chuck E. Cheese University training video on costume maintenance that is totally worth watching today.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

TRIBUTE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Florida Man Gets ‘Ryan Reynolds’ Tattoo On His Butt

(Thanks to Rick Day)

GET BACK TO US WHEN YOU CAN DO THIS WITH CATS

SEE THE CYBORG SYSTEM THAT LETS HUMANS CONTROL TURTLES WITH THEIR MINDS

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

BUSTS MAKING NEWS

Laser cutter used to assemble ham sandwich bust of Vin Diesel

Cristiano Ronaldo unveils 'horrifying' bronze bust of himself as Madeira airport is renamed in his honour

(Thanks to Kevin Smith, Ralph and Jan in Grimsby)

HOW DID *THAT* GET THERE?

Stolen gun falls from inmate's body cavity during search at north Alabama jail

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Le Petomane, Al Barkafski, Woozy Barnes, Roberto and Another Ralph)

March 29, 2017

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Couple who went ahead with their wedding after a hitman walked in and SHOT three relatives say they were 'trying to make the best of it' but were upset 'so much food was wasted' after guests fled

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sebastian Couple Tell Police They Are Part Of Illuminati

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says: "In that case, ma'am and sir, you are free to go.")

MEN WHO GOLF:

Do not click here.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

PAGING LES NESSMAN

30-pound turkey crashes through family's windshield

(Thanks to Rick Day)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Woman arrested for blasting Ed Sheeran song repeatedly

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Las Vegas brothel owner to open Raiders-themed ‘sex palace’ with discounts for players and staff

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

March 28, 2017

ALL PART OF THE PREP

Five medics are fired after footage of them dancing around naked, unconscious patient awaiting surgery goes viral

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

TODAY'S ALARMING SCIENCE FACT

Spiders could theoretically eat every human on earth in a year and still be hungry

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

'SEA WEED'

Morning walker discovers bale of marijuana on Daytona Beach

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

THIS JUST IN

A family guesthouse owner has been given 21 days to change the name of his sleepy seaside hotel after calling it The VIAGRA Hotel

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "But business is up.")

DUDE, WHAT WAS *THAT?*

Flying bong slices man’s hand

(Thanks to Rick Day)

CSI: FLATHEAD COUNTY

A Hungry Horse woman was concerned that someone else was living in her house. She believes this because she had a dream about it.

(Thanks to funny man)

TAKING THE LEAD

Ohio bans sex with animals

(Thanks to timbang)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Escalator in Hong Kong mall suddenly reverses direction

Autoplay.

(Thanks to funny man)

March 27, 2017

SUNSHINE STATE SPORTS REPORT

Florida alligator takes revenge on head-bopping golf ball

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

SOMEBODY WAS PLANNING A BIG NIGHT

Customs officials seize more than 40,000 counterfeit condoms

(Thanks to Rick Day and Bob Brogan)

OOPS

Prayer loudspeakers in Turkish city broadcast porn audio

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

YOU KNOW WHO GAVE THE ORDER

Road collapse blamed on BADGERS as animals tunnel underneath causing subsidence

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

'NEWS PRESENTER'

Italian news presenter Barbara Francesca Ovieni suffers wardrobe malfunction on live TV

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

DUDE, WANNA DO SOME BIN?

Is this Britain’s most stupid legal high as kids sniff fumes from burning wheelie bins

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SEND THESE HERRING TO WASHINGTON

Swedish agencies hit by stinky fermented herring attack

(Thanks to Ralph)

March 26, 2017

ACTING ON ORDERS FROM THE SQUIRRELS

Runaway cow charges at police officer and smashes down gate in dramatic dashcam footage

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THE FUTURE IS HERE

Gas explosion levels home in Moon

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

I'M SORRY, DAVE; YOU ALREADY TOOK TWO SQUARES

Anti-theft toilet paper dispenser with facial recognition technology

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

GUYS IN ACTION

A man was found hanging upside down on a spiked fence with his pants down yesterday.

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Ralph)

ACTUAL EMAIL TO THE BLOG

Hi Dave
I’ve been following your blog for a while. Your recent post Dave Barry's Blog: October 2008 really resonated with me.
I wanted to get in touch with you to discuss if we can work on something similar together.
If you’re interested let me know.
Best,
Jacob

March 25, 2017

CANADA: A NATION SINKING EVER DEEPER INTO DEPRAVITY

Too rude for the road — government yanks man's last name from licence plate

(Thanks to funny man, Le Petomane and Ralph)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

A man dressed in a leopard print robe used a hairbrush to rob a McDonald’s in southeast Texas Thursday morning

(Thanks to Ralph)

LIKE WE DON'T ALREADY

The next hot trend is sticking glitter on your bum

(Thanks to Jeff "Twinklebutt" Meyerson)

THE LAW REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you The Law Report.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who says "Note his aliases.")

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

“At approximately 3:32 p.m. on March 22, officers were dispatched to the report of two subjects allegedly engaged in sexual activity in public view,” Arlington County Police said in a crime report. “As officers were conducting the investigation, the female subject charged at the officer and struck him repeatedly.”

(Thanks to Michael Huber, Al Barkafski and coscolo)

 
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