Dave Barry's Blog

WHILE THE DRIVER WAS RETRIEVING HIS CELL PHONE

Police in New York City are looking for a quick-thinking thief who stole an 86-pound bucket of gold flakes worth nearly $1.6 million off an armored truck in Manhattan.

(Thanks to funny man)

AS IF WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS

America could be about to lift 45-year ban on haggis and Scots are thrilled

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

GUYS IN ACTION

Australian Man Mistakes Jellyfish For Breast Implant, Takes It To Police

(Thanks to Rick Day and John Lobert)

KEY WEST: FLORIDA'S FLORIDA

Tourist demands cop photograph her butt after slap at clothing-optional bar

The bar -- the Garden of Eden -- is featured in the Key West chapter of Best. State. Ever. Which by the way is for sale.

FLORIDA LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

A parking lot brawl between two women in South Los Angeles quickly escalated into a demolition derby.

(Thanks to Steve K)

MOO

California regulates cow farts

(Thanks to everybody)

'IT'S LIQUID GOLD'

Mother who turned breast milk into SOAP says demand for the 'creamy and gentle' bar is now so great she's set up her own business

(Thanks to Roberto)

DUDE

Hunter S. Thompson to Be Memorialized With His Own Weed Brand

(Thanks to Steve K)

THE GOLDEN AGE

In 1918, California Drafted Children Into a War On Squirrels

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

TEXAS

Argument between grandmas ends in gunfire at Pleasant Grove Walmart

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY POTTED PLANTS ARE EVEN LEGAL

Gardens man menaces neighbor with potted plants, guns

Guess the state.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN AUSTRALIA

8-foot venomous cobra found in apartment's toilet bowl

(Thanks to Ralph)

'I AM NOT JESUS!'

A bearded backpacker has been forced to deny being Jesus after his arrival in Kenya prompted a stampede and viral online speculation that he signified “the Second Coming.”

(Thanks to Rick Day)

KANSAS WILDLIFE REPORT

Motion-activated cameras intended to capture images of mountain lions in a Kansas park have instead snapped pictures of pranksters dressed as animals, monsters and Santa Claus.

(Thanks to The Perts and Ralph)

FLORIDA CRIME REPORT

St. Augustine woman stole Magic Mike DVD, dry salami from Walmart

This has been the Florida Crime Report.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

THAT SHOULD WIN HIM BACK

Ex-girlfriend arrested after allegedly egging man’s home

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FUN COUPLE

Police say Vanatter told them she agreed her boyfriend could slice her arm with a box cutter and drink her blood. But then the two argued and Vanatter stabbed her boyfriend in the shoulder.

(Thanks to Poker)

FROM THE SINGING LAW FIRM OF HUTSON AND HARRIS

"Don't Eat Your Weed"

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

CRUEL AND UNUSUAL

P.E.I. police threaten to play Nickelback to drunk drivers

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

MAKES SENSE

Oldest woman in the world reveals why she’s still alive: ‘I’m single’

(Thanks to funny man)

MEANWHILE IN CANADA'S CONTINUING DESCENT INTO ANARCHY

Montreal transit agency takes back $101 fine it gave man for offering free hugs on metro (he had no permit)

(Thanks to The Perts)

TRIAL OF THE CENTURY SO FAR

The Pink Panther has been found not guilty of aggravated assault for hitting Dracula in the head with a beer glass and nearly cutting off his ear.

During the trial, Myers confused who struck him with the beer glass. He thought Bugs Bunny had delivered the blow, while a number of other witnesses said it was the Pink Panther.

(Thanks to The Perts)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Police say a Florida woman suspected of shoplifting urinated and defecated in a patrol car after tossing a dog into traffic

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

TIGHT CONNECTION

Woman opens emergency exit and jumps OUT of taxiing United flight on to the tarmac after landing at Houston airport

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, WE SHALL BE ON OUR WAY

Authorities in Florida said a robbery suspect found hiding in a pond told deputies he was "just fishing" and the real robber "went that way."

Key Excerpt: The clerk refused the request, leading the man to flea, the sheriff's office said.

We wonder if the flea also fled.

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve and Ralph)

ANOTHER SOLUTION WOULD BE TO JUST BAN LAWYERS

California considers ban on sex between lawyers and clients

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

GUYS IN ACTION

Australia's How Ridiculous Group Breaks Record with 593-Foot Shot off Dam

(Thanks to Steve K)

HOW EXCITING WAS THE DOLPHINS-49ERS GAME?

Very.

HO HO HO, DUDE

Calif. man busted with $330K in weed wrapped as Christmas presents

(Thanks to Ron G.)

'MATE, ALL I HAD WAS ME JOCKS ON'

Aussiest interview ever

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede)

IT HAD ITS REASONS

A bull has been filmed destroying a four-wheel drive - repeatedly ramming the vehicle with its horns.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

'MY WHOLE ROW WAS TALKING ABOUT IT'

Theatregoers have been all aquiver over the large object depicted between Cupid’s legs since the King Street theatre reopened last week.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE WONDERS OF AIR TRAVEL

Passenger jet in five hour delay and emergency UK landing after ALL toilets blocked with 'something solid'

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Designers at a theme park in Japan thought visitors would revel at ice skating "across the sea" by freezing real fish and pictures of larger sea creatures under the ice

(Thanks to Ralph and PirateBoy)

WE HARDLY KNEW YE

The straw goat, an annual Yuletide tradition in the city of Gavle since 1966, went up in flames just hours after it was inaugurated on Sunday.

(Thanks to Johan in Sweden and Le Petomane, who says "Everyone on the blog knew this was gonna happen.")

FIRST BREXIT, AND NOW THIS

Chancellor Philip Hammond is forced to keep his pet dogs Rex and Oscar locked up to PROTECT them from Larry the vicious Downing Street cat

(Thanks to Roberto)

PERFECT

Step-by-step guide to making a dumpster fire ornament for 2016

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

JUST IN TIME FOR HOLIDAY GIVING

Scientists create an 8ins remote control bionic penis out of metal that grows when it gets heated

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Samuel Sprague and Roberto)

YOUR DAILY UPDATE ON WHY PEOPLE WHO VOLUNTARILY LIVE IN AUSTRALIA ARE INSANE

Snakes 'falling through light fittings': Adelaide catcher warns of increased activity

(Thanks to Rick Day)

IT'S NOT TOO EARLY TO MAKE PLANS FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE

ADVISORY

 

AUSTRALIA

Dashcam captures the moment a bird throws a snake at a car

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE FINE OUTSIDE, THANKS

 Inside the world of the burping fetish community

(Thanks to Roberto)

YIKES

E-cigarette explodes in man's pants, attorney says

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS WERE BEHIND THIS

CCTV captures moment a cow creeps up and attacks a man in the street - for no apparent reason

(Thanks to L. Raymond)

HE WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT SALSA

A robber attempted to take money from a Chipotle Mexican Grill but fled with only a burrito, according to a police report.

(Thanks to Rick Day and Patty Villaniova)

BLACK FRIDAY ETIQUETTE TIP

CRUEL

BAGPIPE music is being played through the night at Bournemouth's Travel Interchange to stop homeless people sleeping there.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

A Flathead resident called law enforcement reporting that they had received an email from ISIS. The resident wanted extra patrol in his area to show the militant group that the threat was being taken seriously.

(Thanks to Roberto)

'ALTITUDE SICKNESS'

South Korea government says it made large Viagra purchase for other reasons

(Thanks to The Perts)