Dave Barry's Blog

ON THE (REALLY) MARIJUANA PARTY TICKET

The Inventor of the Jesus Toaster is Running for Vermont State Senate

(Thanks to Ralph)

A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

“The bear put the car in neutral and it rolled back across the street into a spruce tree.”

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS REAL, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY GREAT

Halloween in Florida.

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHY WE *HAVE* A GOVERNMENT

Former county employee arrested after using government credit card to purchase dog tuxedo, pet insurance

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who asks "Isn't this guaranteed by the 'pursuit of happiness' clause?")

A DESPERATE BID TO SAVE A NATION TEETERING ON THE BRINK OF ANARCHY

A new poll suggests the majority of Canadians are in support of regulations to ban distracted walking.

(Thanks to The Perts)

BIG DEAL. WE HAD THAT IN THE SIXTIES.

Future of TV could be pills that make people hallucinate television shows, Netflix boss says

(Thanks to Roberto)

THEY HAVE THE MEATS

Arby's to sell venison sandwiches in 6 deer-hunting states

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

'UNWARY' IS NOT THE ADJECTIVE WE WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE THESE USERS

Fake advertisements claiming iPhones can be charged by putting them in the microwave have caught out unwary users whose phones have been set on fire or left a smoking ruin when they've tried it.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

*WE'RE* NOT SAYING THIS. A *STUDY* IS SAYING THIS.

The study polled 1,000 UK drivers and “reveals women are, on average, 12% angrier than men when they’re behind the wheel.”

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

CANADA: EVEN SCARIER THAN YOU THOUGHT

Why the world’s worst Halloween candy — Kerr’s Molasses Kisses — continues its reign of terror

(Thanks to Roberto, who says "You are so lucky in the US so you don't have this.")

SQUIRREL TERRORISM UPDATE

Angry squirrel ransacks Vancouver Island home

Power outage caused by squirrel cancels classes at UConn

(Thanks to Ralph, Bob Brogan, funny man and W. von Papineau)

SPEAKING OF THINGS YOU NEED FOR HALLOWEEN

WD-40 Haunted Door App

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

We're blogging this because we have found WD-40 to be the most valuable household-repair tool there is, except maybe for duct tape.

THEY WILL ROT IN HELL

Men Weeing on a Church are Rotting it Away

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

ATTRACTIVE *AND* PRACTICAL

Outlander inspired chocolatier creates Highland dress made almost entirely of chocolate

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

TOTALLY WORTH IT

How to Blow Over $20,000 Decorating Your Home for Halloween

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

OH, THE HUMANITY

Around 60,000 litres was lost – the equivalent of some 85,000 bottles – from the Loch Lomond Distillers warehouse in Catrine, Ayrshire.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

CSI: BARLBOROUGH

A broom has been snapped in half in a Derbyshire village - the third such reported incident in 15 months.

Background: Police hunt Eyam broom-snapper

(Thanks to Ralph)

OR, NOT

You Can Now Drink from a Cup Made with the Ashes of Your Loved Ones

(Thanks to Jeff Schneider)

'IT WAS A DREAM YEARS IN THE MAKING'

Setting the world record for using your mouth to catch a grape dropped from the greatest height

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WE REPEAT: DOGS ARE BETTER

How to keep your cat from losing its mind

(Thanks to coscolo)

CANADA: A NATION IN TURMOIL

The concessions stands there scrapped the warm, fluorescent orange sauce from their menus in September, instead opting to serve their nacho chips with just salsa.

(Thanks to The Perts)

NAME THAT STATE!

Authorities are searching for a man who fell out of his truck before that truck crashed into a home early Tuesday morning.

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

TRAGICALLY...

This is not a real product.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER

Parrot reveals husband's affair with housemaid to wife by repeating smutty chats

(Thank to Patty Villanova, Le Petomane and Al Barkafski)

WE CAN IMAGINE

Tata shake-up may distract group from restructuring efforts

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

THE HARD PART IS GETTING THEM INTO THE OCEAN (WHERE, AS WE HAVE SEEN, THEY FACE THE DANGER OF SHARK ATTACK)

How one researcher is fighting cow farts — and climate change — by feeding the gassy beasts seaweed

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

EMBRACE THE (burp) FUTURE

Self-Driving Truck’s First Mission: A Beer Run

(Thanks to Mr. Ridley Pearson)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Winnipeg snow-clearing app finally ready to roll

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE CONSTITUTION

Man dressed as tree arrested for obstructing traffic in Portland

(Thanks to Ralph)

ALSO 500 LITERS OF LARD

Illicit abattoir kept more than 100 bulls' penises

(Thanks to Jeff Schneider, who says "Didn't they open for Anthrax?")

SERIOUSLY, MEN:

Do NOT click here.

("Thanks" to Jeff Schneider)

FORTUNATELY THE CAR HAD A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Man chases runaway car across motorway in Switzerland

(Thanks to Roberto)

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER ALLOW YOUR COWS TO SURF

Bizarre footage shows shark eating a COW in the middle of the ocean

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "Man, I would love to see the catapult that could fling a cow THAT far.")

NAME THAT STATE!

Drunken woman found with handcuffs, guns after wrong-way crash on I-4

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ITS NAME IS 'ILLACME TOBINI,' BUT YOU CAN JUST CALL IT SIR

Newly-discovered bug boasts 4 penises, 200 poison glands & 414 legs

(Thanks to Terry from Fla. and Le Petomane)

TRAGIC, DUDE

Police say a pot advocacy company's RV carrying marijuana-laced candy burst into flames on a bridge that connects New Jersey and Delaware, causing lane closures and tying up traffic for hours.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "In a related article, huge traffic jam caused by people trying to get downwind.")

WE'RE SURE ITS OWNER WAS GRATEFUL

Police smash windows of hot car to rescue child, find wig instead

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

TIMBERRRRRR

Even more worryingly, the tower has begun to tilt - with a six-inch lean at the top of the building. And engineers hired to assess the problem say it shows no immediate sign of stopping.

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

IF THAT DOESN'T STOP THE RISE IN RENT PRICES, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

A large purple dildo has appeared above a London McDonald's in a supposed statement against rising rent prices in the area.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

CLASSY

Thailand's red light district is back in business after the death of the king... but the sex workers are wearing black maid outfits as a mark of respect

(Thanks to Michael Moyer, who observes "Nothing says “respect” quite like that.")

SHE'S AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION

Hairless hamster gets tiny sweater

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Jeff Schneider)

THIS SEEMS TO BE CONTRADICTORY ADVICE

Have more sex, eat garlic and don't sleep too much: the new rules for heart health

(Thanks to coscolo)

SMOOTH

Drunk man thinks cop car is taxi, demands ride home, gets arrested

(Thanks to Rick Day)

STAY OUT OF AUSTRALIA

Giant spider carries full-grown mouse up Australian man's fridge

(Thanks to W. won Papineau and Jeff Schneider)

ARR

Iceland's Pirate Party prepares for power as polls suggest election triumph

(Thanks to KJP)

A FLORIDA PILOT'S LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Drunk driver is arrested after he crashes into a HELICOPTER which was responding to a traffic accident

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

HUSBANDS EVERYWHERE CAN RELATE TO THIS

Seven female elk lead bull through Colorado strip mall

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

'THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE BATHROOM. BUT I DO NOT KNOW IF THEY'RE FLUSHING.'

Chaos at Alabama-Texas A&M game as 100,000 fans are told not to use the bathroom due to water-pressure issue

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

IT'S 2016: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU JOKE ABOUT

A man called women in yoga pants ‘disturbing.’ So hundreds wore them to his house.

(Thanks to Dave N.)

AND WHILE DOING SO, AGNES MANAGES TO CREEP US OUT

Terror has no place in clowning, Agnes the clown says

(Thanks to The Perts)