Dave Barry's Blog

IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Indian doctors remove 40 knives from man's stomach

(Thanks to Phil McAvity and Matt Filar)

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'MUSICIAN'

Musician balances on Pokeball while playing Pokemon theme on flaming bagpipes

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

YOUR FINAL (WE HOPE) OLYMPICS UPDATE

Mongolian wrestling coaches strip in protest of loss

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

WE AGREE WITH BOTH OF THEM

Two Chinese women collapse in street after arguing non-stop for eight hours

(Thanks to John Mayson)

SYMBOLISM

US monuments are getting covered in slime, and no one knows how to stop it

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THIS IS PRECISELY WHY WE HAVE 911

Teen girl calls 911 after parents ‘forced her’ to vacation with them

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU WIN

Bet you never knew you could do this with a courgette

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHY THE HELL NOT?

Is Florida About to Be Swamped With Capybara?

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT PANCAKES

Thieves steal $150,000 worth of maple syrup

(Thanks to Rick Day)

BRILLIANT

Travellers at Moscow's Sheremetyevo international airport can now buy a model Kalashnikov assault rifle before they catch their flight.

(Thanks to B'game, who asks "What could possibly go wrong?")

A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

A driver taking an SUV for a spin struck four cars and flipped the vehicle on its side at a dealership in Ballston, Virginia.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Note that this blog sees nothing amusing about the name of the writer.

THIS TURNS OUT TO BE ILLEGAL

After being discharged from an Ohio hospital and missing the last bus home, a woman stole an ambulance and drove it to her residence, according to police who nabbed the suspect last night following a brief, low-speed chase.

(Thanks to Dave D)

'I THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT HE SHOULD PROBABLY NOT REALLY DO'

Brooklyn man throws eggs at traffic agents after his illegally parked Lexus was ticketed

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CANADA: A NATION ON THE BRINK OF TOTAL COLLAPSE

Parasitic wasps to be released in the Ottawa region over next two days

(Thanks to The Perts)

I LEFT TOO SOON

On a stunning beach in Rio de Janeiro a group of brave souls have stripped the Olympic Games right back to basics as they pay tribute to the ancient Greeks by staging their own games - in the nude.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

Soon you’ll be able to stay in the world’s first beer themed hotel

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

YOU KNOW WHO'S BEHIND THIS

Aggressive seagull spurs supermarket evacuation

(Thanks to Ralph)

We saw Aggressive Seagull open for Giant Poop Explosions.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Giant Poop Explosions Cause Crappy Commute In Russia

(Thanks to Ralph)

We saw Giant Poop Explosions open for the Who.

STAY OFF HIS LAWN

Armed fugitive, disguised in 'realistic' old man mask, arrested on Cape Cod

(Thanks to annfarr)

WE NEED STRICTER CONTROLS ON ALL OF THESE ITEMS

Pa. man armed with rotten pizza, chain and goat statue attacks police

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Chris Elzi and Roberto)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

Meet the mufgel, the muffin-bagel mashup from the Brooklyn baker behind the rainbow bagel craze

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Hilarious moment flustered BBC Olympics presenter Dan Walker is interrupted by couple HAVING SEX on Rio beach behind him

(Thanks to Stan Ruth, who says "You may have left Rio too soon.")

I walked past this presenter several times, but, tragically, not when this was happening.

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

No jail for woman who decapitated snakes with scissors and ate heads

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

FYI

Map reveals average size of erect penises around the world

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Al Barkafski and Dave D, who says "Recount!")

UNTIL THE PERSON IN THE NEXT CUBICLE STAPLES YOUR HAND

Knuckle-Cracking Is Good For You, According To New Study

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

NAH

It's time to have a conversation about flatulent cows.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

FUN GAL

Woman accused of 'drop-kicking' cake, slapping ice cream clerk over flavor

(Thanks to Judy B. and Geoff)

MEANWHILE IN THE MOST DIGNIFIED PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION EVER

Disturbing statue of nude Donald Trump with tiny genitals removed from Union Square

(Thanks to many people)

AFTER WHICH THE ASSEMBLY DECIDED BY A 5-4 VOTE NOT TO SACRIFICE A CHILD

Satanic Temple invocation opens Kenai Peninsula Borough Assembly meeting

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

A Paris Ad Agency Made a Virtual-Reality Nose Mask That Emits a Fart Smell

RYAN LOCHTE UPDATE

Naked man floating down Susquehanna River asked for a towel: Police

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

ALTHOUGH SHE CAN'T REMEMBER MUCH OF IT

102-year-old woman credits beer for her long life

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Al Barkafski and Le Petomane)

NEXT STEP: LUTEFISK

Norwegians facing jail for throwing stones at Russian border

(Thanks to Steve Thompson, who says "Take us to DefCon 4.")

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER THE HORSE PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Amish buggy driver arrested on suspicion of DUI; 4 passengers also cited

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY ETC?

AMAZON LAUNCHES ONE-HOUR ALCOHOL DELIVERY IN SELECT CITIES

(Thanks to tunny man)

'WHERE IS THAT FROM?'

Pork roast falls out of 'heavily intoxicated' man's pants

(Thanks to Ralph)

ALWAYS A SHREWD LEGAL STRATEGY

Madison police say a suspected drunken driver disobeyed an order to get out of her car and instead cracked open a beer into front of the officer who stopped her.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

NEBRASKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Omaha dad finds pot brownies, eats 4 of them, says mean things to cat

(Thanks to Jen E., John from Maryland, Geoff, Casey J, William Turner, Peter, Chris Knight and Rick Day)

A JUNIOR FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Toddler put mother's car in drive, hits police car

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

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IT'S AN ATTRACTIVE COLOR

Ohio Man, 35, Tried To Have Sex With A Red Van

(Thanks to Dave D, Woozy Barnes and Le Petomane)

SCIENCE

How Big Is A Fart?

(Thanks to Chris Knight)

HELP IS ON THE WAY

(Thanks to Susie)

JUI

Drunk knight in armour detained in Stockholm

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

'THE MAN WIELDED THE MEAT'

With his son nearby, the man smacked the BMW with a nearly foot-long sausage, denting the vehicle.

(Thanks to Ralph, Howard from Broward and Bill Hudgins)

A REPORT FROM GRAND FORKS, NORTH DAKOTA

Dear Dave Barry,

I just thought that you would muse at the fact that the "Dave Barry Lift Station No. 16," which is a few blocks from where I live, is a Pokemon Go "gym," and as a result, has become a local gathering place for children of all ages. I figured you would appreciate that.

Best regards,

Robert

There is no greater honor.

BEST. STATE. EVER. BOOK. TOUR.

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Sex pigs halt traffic after laser attack on Pokémon teens

SALVATION AT THE RIO AIRPORT

THE FINAL UPDATE FROM RIO

From The Blog, that is; we assume other people will be sending updates on actual, like, facts and stuff.

UPDATE FROM RIO

Dong Dong, etc.