Dave Barry's Blog

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

Sunday is GoTopless Day.

(Thanks to Howard from Broward)

"Free the nipple."

(Thanks to wiredog)

HOLD THE PICKLES, HOLD THE LETTUCE, SPECIAL ORDERS DON'T UPSET US

A Burger King manager in Conway, NH has been arrested for throwing sauce at a customer during an altercation over a hamburger bun.

(Thanks to Glen Page)

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME

Early Wednesday morning, motel employees told police they were in the lobby when a fully naked man walked by carrying an ice bucket.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and John Mayson)

FORE!

The jet pack golf cart

(Thanks to Kenzen in Oregon)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A man spotted yesterday afternoon performing oral sex on a woman lying down on a Florida beach boardwalk told cops that he was an “emergency responder and had to assist the female as it was his duty,” according to a criminal complaint.

In that case, sir...

(Thanks to Michael Huber and Bill Hudgins)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

 Nail Capsule Fingernail Catcher

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

WE WANT TO BE A PART OF IT, NEW YORK, NEW YORK

Woman releases tub of live crickets and worms on New York subway then pees on herself sending screaming commuters into a frenzy

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Jeff Meyerson)

'FIREFIGHTERS WET THE UNDERPANTS'

According to the release, when firefighters got the car open, they found a pair of burning underwear on the passenger seat, which had produced a small fire.

(Thanks to Ralph)

FOLLOWED BY NAKED HANG GLIDING

Grandma celebrates 100th birthday with game of beer pong

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Oklahoma police dog finds meth in box of Twinkies

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

SOMEBODY'S NOT GETTING A TIP

The waiter then pulled out a semi-automatic pistol and fired three shots into the ceiling of the restaurant.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

YET THE ALIENS DON'T BELIEVE IN CANADIANS

Four in five Canadians believe in aliens: Angus Reid poll

(Thanks to The Perts)

A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

A woman allegedly rams her SUV into the store and around its aisles after her check bounces

...Fay drove the Tahoe down an aisle almost to the back of the store, police said. She then allegedly reversed the SUV back to the front of the aisle, turned the car toward the deli and drove between the aisle ends and the checkstands. She then drove the vehicle out the east doors and into the parking lot, police said.

(Thanks to Poker)

THOSE THINGS CAN BE DEADLY

Bomb squad blow up pesto sandwich

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

GUYS IN ACTION

Boise man uses Legos to re-create college football big plays

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THERE ARE LINES YOU DON'T CROSS

A Pennsylvania woman was arrested Sunday for reportedly stabbing her husband with scissors after he drank her beer.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes "He won't do that again.")

BUT NOT BEFORE VAPORIZING HIS DOG

Man probes alien he claims to have caught while walking his dog - but there's bad news as now says it has ESCAPED

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

'MINE'S THE RED ONE'

The entire British Olympic team arrived back in England with the same red suitcase

(Thanks to Ralph)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Man dressed as Batman/Captain America steals beer

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Le Petomane)

HOLD ON! IT'S FLORIDA!

Woman with no clothes on counts as ‘suspicious’ in Vero Beach

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Related: Woman arrested after crashing into neighbor's fence, twice

(Also thanks to Jeff)

ALWAYS A STRONG LEGAL STRATEGY

Drunk woman, 20, not wearing any pants arrested after driving to the police station to pick up her friends who were done for DUI

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Geoff)

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

Ax throwing — the 'modern-day bowling' — coming to Chicago

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

CSI: GAYLORD

A resident of Gaylord opened a package they received in the mail today and were surprised to see that it was a ½ pound of marijuana. The resident immediately called the Gaylord Police Department and turned it over. At this time nobody has called to claim ownership of the package. If you have any information pertaining to this incident please call GPD at 507.237.2265.

Dude.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Film lifts lid on secret world of 'endurance tickling'

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

OH THE HUMANITY

Flying Bum airship damaged on test flight

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IF THAT DOESN'T CHANGE PERCEPTIONS, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

All-Female Nude Shakespeare Performance Seeks To Change Perceptions In Prospect Park

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

OF COURSE THE RESEARCHERS ARE PROBABLY LYING

Everyone lies on the internet, according to new research

(Thanks to The Perts)

DUDE, DUH

Stoned rats make lazier choices, UBC study finds

(Thanks to the Perts)

THOSE KRAZY KIWIS

One image shows a pilot kissing a blow up doll in the cockpit.

(Thanks to Greg Snow, Patty Villanova and Le Petomane, who says "It was funnier in Airplane.")

ADVISORY

Playing the bagpipes could kill you, scientists warn

(Thanks to Ralph)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Russian Olympic Team Delayed by Giant Nesting Doll

(Thanks to The Perts)

MEN:

Do NOT click here.

("Thanks" to Michael Herold, DaninDallas and Emily, Leslie and w)

AT THIS POINT ALL WE KNOW FOR CERTAIN IS THEY HAVE FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

‘Secret second Earth’ that could be home to ALIENS will be exposed tomorrow

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Drunk man locked in storage room by furious wife gets head stuck when he tries to escape

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

CSI: DOWN UNDER

Wanted: the shirtless reptile-hurlers of Humpty Doo.

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve, who says "I saw The Shirtless Crocodile Hurlers of Humpty Doo open for Men Without Hats")

'I WAS SHOCKED WITH EXCITEMENT'

Bee Having A Wee Photo Taken By Grimsby Photographer Mark Parrott

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

HE SHOULD HAVE USED THE POOL-BALLS TECHNIQUE

Man gets wedged between buildings in attempt to impress date

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

AND THE SO CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS COUNCIL' DOES NOTHING

Metro Manila cops banned from taking selfies, picking nose in public

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

KFC Unveils Chicken-Scented Sunscreen

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Ralph)

THAT WOULD DEFINITELY BREAK THE ICE

Man stuck pool balls up his bum just for 'banter' in pub and waved his penis at barmaid

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

NAH

Forget boot camps, try new POOP camp weight loss fad that pokes through your waste for diet answers

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

BETTER

After six decades, the town of Tisdale, Saskatchewan is no longer officially known as the "Land of Rape and Honey." Instead, the north-central community is declaring that "Opportunity Grows Here."

(Thanks to The Perts)

HMM

Women are 'genetically programmed to have affairs'

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

SIGN US THE HELL UP

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has launched a new Netflix-style video on demand service called 'Manbang'.

(Thanks to Michael Herold)

THE APOCALYPSE IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER

Ramen is displacing tobacco as most popular US prison currency, study finds

(Thanks to Rick Day)

MEANWHILE, WHILE NOBODY WAS PAYING ATTENTION

Michigan invaded Canada.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Fecal Fest starts next week at Woodland Park Zoo

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

FIRST THEY GET LIQUORED UP, THEN....

Squirrel invades Clerkenwell Tesco and launches itself on customer's back, before browsing the wine deals

(Thanks to John Mayson)

Squirrel causes power outage near Buffalo airport

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

SOUNDS A TAD EXTREME. PERHAPS LIFE IN PRISON.

Vegans are like a ‘sect’ and should all be killed, top chef says

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

JUST HEINEKEN FOR US, THANKS

Obsessed with Roald Dahl? Quench your curious mind and find out exactly what beer brewed with yeast taken from his chair tastes like!

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)