Dave Barry's Blog

'ARTIST'

Haunted pub's owner outraged after 'possessed toilet ghost' is 'stolen and bottled up by artist'

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

HENCE THE NAME

Massive amount of cocaine found at Coca-Cola plant

(Thanks to Rick Day)

IF THEY EVEN HAVE A CONSTITUTION, THEY SHOULD SHRED IT

Police arrest man, hold him overnight in the cells, take him to court and prosecute him because he was drunk with a traffic cone on his head

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Florida man dressed as dinosaur arrested with airsoft rifle

(Thanks to John Mayson)

WE SAW 'DEATH NOODLES' OPEN FOR STRAWBERRY ALARM CLOCK

British chef went temporarily DEAF after eating the world's hottest noodles

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Al Barkafski)

Autofreakingplay. Which for the record we HATE.

'THE INVESTIGATION IS ONGOING'

Argument over clothes leads to 'naked brawl' on French beach

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and funny man)

Related: A Naked Dog Walker Accidentally Photobombed This Teen's Senior Portraits

(Thanks to Rick Day)

BUT NOW THE TROLLS ARE PISSED OFF

Iceland unearths rock to appease angry elves

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

NOT ENTIRELY UNREALISTIC

Man Finds 47-Year Layover On Travel Site

(Thanks to Howard from Broward, who says "I've been on that flight.")

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Scientists have worked out why your nipples become erect

(Thanks to funny man)

YOU KNOW WHO'S BEHIND THIS

Family enjoying riverside lunch scream as hawk drops live SNAKE onto their barbecue

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Autoplay.

GO FIGURE

A new study finds that college students taught by good-looking lecturers did better on a quiz

(Thanks to John Mayson)

JUST ICE CREAM FOR US, THANKS

Mother fulfills 4-year-old's birthday cake request: a cow giving birth

(Thanks to Ralph)

'OLD STINKER'

Woman met eight-foot werewolf ‘with human face’ – and extremely bad breath

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

ST. LOUIS - After a gas station clerk manager to stop 33-year-old Joshua Crook from taking a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos, he attempted to light the gas station on fire, according to a police report.

(Thanks to manual tomato, DaninDallas, Al Barkafski and Jeff Meyerson)

Autoplay.

Note that this blog is not displaying amusement regarding the suspect's name.

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Second couple have hedge stolen sparking fears of serial bush burglar

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA SINKS DEEPER INTO CHAOS

Ontario mushroom picker finds giant puffball in woods

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHATEVER IT IS, IT ATE A BEAVER

Believed python perplexing Maine city actually an anaconda

(Thanks to The Perts and Ralph)

THE SQUIRRELS ARE BEHIND THIS

MORE REPORTS OF CLOWNS IN WOODS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FIRST THE UKRAINE, AND NOW THIS

Florida Police Arrest Vladimir Putin For Trespassing At Publix Supermarket

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR SANTA'S SLEIGH

It’s early autumn in Norway already, and the forests are full of mushrooms this year, some of them hallucinogenic. They’ve been discovered by reindeer out grazing, and sometimes getting higher than a kite.

(Thanks to Dave Nevers)

OOPS

Police allegedly spent about 10 hours shooting tear gas into the home, smashing windows, and doing other stuff they’ve probably seen TV cops do. Turns out the only one inside was a dog.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT DOWN HERE

Florida man hit with dart while going to work

(Thanks to John Mayson)

SOON TO HAVE ITS OWN REALITY-TV SHOW

Local plumber butt goes viral

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Hawkesbury business takes 17K bath in hand soap heist, OPP say

(Thanks to The Perts, who note that the thieves made a clean getaway.)

MAYBE SHE DID

This local news anchor from India definitely should’ve checked her T-shirt before going on air

(Thanks to Greg Snow and The Amazing Steve)

NAME THAT STATE!

Man tried faking urine test with tube full of warm Mountain Dew

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GENE WILDER

This is a crappy year, as measured by losing talented people. So just watch this scene, and note what genuine comedic genius looks like.

IT'S OUT OF SEASON

UPS driver shot in freak crossbow accident

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Escaped teenager requests different mugshot photo after Sydney jailbreak

(Thanks to The Perts)

HE WAS IN AN 'ALTERED STATE' (BUT NOT FLORIDA)

Nude stranger falls through patio roof onto barbecue

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

HE WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT THE LEGS

Man Broke Into Adult Novelty Shop, Made Off With Sex Toys, Top Half Of $2000 Mannequin

(Thanks to Dave D)

CANADA SINKS STILL DEEPER INTO CHAOS

Mysterious brown 'goo' strewn across North Vancouver

(Thanks to The Perts)

HE TOLD THE COPS HE WAS JESUS

According to a Star Online report, the man was flagged down after police spotted him driving a vehicle fitted with a licence plate bearing the words “WWE3621 KERAJAAN EMPAYAR LANGKASUKA NUSANTARA TUANKU RAJA MERONGMAHAWANGSA II SULTAN KEDAH ASAL IMAM ALMAHDI”.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

GUESS THE STATE

Pregnant woman shares picture of ultrasound scan that looks like BUNNY

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Drunk German wasps are on their way and they’ve got a bee in their bonnet

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THAT WILL SURELY WIN HER BACK II

A Wisconsin man is facing a stalking charge after he allegedly mailed a live ball python to his ex-girlfriend.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

CANADA: A NATION STALKED BY TRAGEDY

Pet iguana named Gaylord still missing in Edmonton

(Thanks to The Perts)

GUYS IN ACTION

Angered over Sap, Man Cuts Down Tree, Sending It onto His Own Apartment House

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

YOU KNOW WHO'S BEHIND THIS

The start of a new school year was postponed for two days after bats were found hiding in the multi-purpose room of an Elmhurst elementary school earlier this week.

(Thanks to Dave N.)

THAT WILL SURELY WIN HER BACK

A Northampton man is facing charges after his ex-girlfriend allegedly watched him fire an arrow toward her house.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

AND THE OSCAR GOES TO

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from telling you whom the Oscar goes to.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

KIWI TEEWEE

A television host has been left red-faced after he left his microphone on while taking a toilet break and it was broadcast live on TV.

(Thanks to Geoff)

APPEARING SOON IN BOOKSTORES EVERYWHERE EXCEPT THE REST OF THE WORLD

Here's an extremely factual excerpt from my extremely factual new book Best. State. Ever.

NO MORE MISS BIM-BIM

The government of Burkina Faso has banned an annual beauty contest for women with the biggest buttocks, saying such events are sexist.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THIS IS WHY WE HAVE THE DEATH PENALTY

Subway cricket prankster nearly made her performance art a whole lot worse with roaches

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who saw Subway Cricket Prankster open for Captain Beefheart)

FRIEND OF THE MONTH SO FAR

Man drops mobile in outhouse so friend goes in after it only to become trapped in faeces

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

PROBABLY VEGAN

Stench from Shropshire bio-gas site blamed on new employee

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

HENCE THE TERM 'FARM SYSTEM'

Sheep Runs Across Outfield, Interrupts Minor League Baseball Game

(Thanks to Steve K)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man dunks himself in bathtub filled with hot sauce

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jon Harris)

A NATION COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL

Naked man takes a bath, steals tomatoes from residential backyard in Toronto

(Thanks to The Perts)