UPDATE FROM CLEVELAND

There's been an outbreak of actual news.

Comments

[ChrisinVA]

I've been to Slovenia, it's a suburb of Pittsburgh. All of the women there are named Britney.

[funny man]

I hope you can interview some of the random loons. And of course, it has to be random, because a staged loon is easily ....paid.

[nursecindy]

I'd love to read this story but The Miami Herald says I have to subscribe before I can read anything else on their site.

[MOTW]

Right-click, View Source, scroll

[655321]

I know Dave was trying to be funny, but how is the President's (a Democrat) plan of importing heaven knows how many ISIS operatives disguised as refugees NOT making America more dangerous?

I'm not trying to politicize the blog. I am just confused.

[judi the barberho]

you ARE trying to politicize the blog. Stop. Thanks.

[Nathan Explosion]

Did you get yourself a Polish Boy hotdog yet? It's a Cleveland favorite. It is a fried kielbasa sausage with french fries on top smothered with a layer of BBQ sauce and coleslaw. You'll love it and I wish I had one.

[wanderer2575]

This is making Flathead County look downright dignified.

[655321]

judi the barberho, well crafted answer. I understand completely now.

[Clankie]

Every word of this was plagiarized from a Dave Barry column.

[bgbear]

Anyone ever ask if 1st ladies ever have very original speeches?

[yetimandius]

Geesh, the Herald's site makes it practically impossible to read the column. All the video and silliness eat so much bandwidth that scrolling is a trial.

[MOTW]

Snork @ wanderer and judi

[Vermin]

yetiman, try walking around with a rubber boot on your head whilst, and at the same time, banging yourself with a pool noodle.

[nursecindy]

(((judi))) Dave should give you a raise and a large bonus.

[MOTW]

Has anyone seen ligirl or Meanie the Blue? And where is Jeff?

[Not My Usual Alias]

I really hope that Bill Clinton uses the same phrases in HIS speech. And that he mentions being a minority student at Princeton.

[Loudmouth]

I still think we could solve the national debt by taxing politicians by the word. When their salary is gone, they go home.

[Qaz]

@MOTW - they are lost forever to this world. I saw them playing Pokemon Go.

[manual tomato]

Dave, you are in BOOKOO deep having made contact with the badasses of the protest community. Don't let yourself be blind to their mirrors or anything the badasses are trying to hide with the mirrors. And Briteny is the code word for 'order the camel to be sacrificed now'. Rudy Giuliani. You can take him.

[Meanie the Blue]

*Waves hand from underneath fallen crane boom on Tappan Zee Bridge*

Actually, it didn't come near me, but if the crane had collapsed four hours later, or five hours earlier, it might have, as that's my route to and from work. And I'm quite glad that I can make stupid jokes about it since no one was - unimaginably - seriously hurt.

(Whether or not that's why you asked about me, MOTW, I genuinely appreciate it).

Regarding the Actual News from yesterday's convention, I wish people would just let Betty Trump's words speak for themselves. They come from a heart.

[Clankie]

Funniest ever written on political speech making:

http://www.deadlineartists.com/contributor-samples/h-l-mencken-%E2%80%93-gamalielese-%E2%80%93-baltimore-sun-%E2%80%93-3721/

"... he [ Harding ] writes the worst English I have even encountered. It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean-soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it. It drags itself out of the dark abysm (I was about to write abscess!) of pish, and crawls insanely up the topmost pinnacle of posh. It is rumble and bumble. It is flap and doodle. It is balder and dash. "

[Ralph]

"...Cleveland is swarming with media people, police, protesters and random loons."

Loons do not nest in Ohio, although they migrate through in spring and fall. Any purported loons seen in Cleveland in the summer are probably misidentified vultures.

[Me. Crave]

When I'm thinking of Ohio (or anywhere up north/midwest) I'm thinking of delicious White Castle sliders. The last time I had a WC slider was in Detroit back in 2002. Those steamy burgers are a gift from God. I'm hungry already.

[wiredog]

I saw the Random Loons opening for A Flock of Seagulls. It was a raucous caucus.

[Just Some Guy]

The Cleveland Botanical Garden might be worth a visit. I hear they have plants that aren't Secret Service agents.

[Not My Usual Alias]

There's an outbreak of norovirus in the California delegation....

[funny man]

Nursecindy, clear out your cookies (internet not cupboard) and your history on your browser and you should be able to view the Herald without problems.

[Clankie]

Registering is better than tossing your cookies.

[Opopo]

@Clankie
Re: tossing
Dave did not say anything about a protest at RNC, at which activists from Black Olives Matter, KKK and Westboro Church throw urine at each other. Link is on Drudge site.

[Big Rad]

@funny man... you can also open an 'Incognito' window in Google Chrome; which, of course, doesn't use history. But, I'm afraid the IT people at the Herald are frantically working on a way to block that access too.

[Nick]

I too had many problems reading Dave's pieces via Miami Herald website. I suspect advertising is involved. Have they no shame?

[Nick]

Also, does anyone else think that "Melania" sounds like a skin care product?

[MOTW]

Nick, to me it sounds like someone with a certain accent talking about alarming Y2K issues.

[wanderer2575]

@Nick:

Actually, it sounds like the subject of one of those attorney ads on TV: "If you or a loved one took vitamin tablets and developed Melania, you may be entitled to compensation!"

[MOTW]

wanderer wins