Dave Barry's Blog

STAY CLASSY, ICELAND

'This is not a scrotum dryer': Swimming pools forced to put up signs forbidding men from using hair dryers on their privates in Iceland

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Patty Villanova)

NAME THAT STATE!

Man busted for having sex in public pool, chasing and trying to hit children

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHY EVERYBODY IS SO FOND OF THE LEGAL PROFESSION

A Texas lawyer upset that he wasn't provided a cup of soup during a recent meal has notified a restaurant owner that he'll sue if not reimbursed the $2.25 for the soup.

Bonus: Dwain Downing also is seeking $250 in attorney fees for the time spent drafting a letter

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Adult Onesie Features The Many Faces Of Steve Buscemi

(Thanks to Cassie Silvola)

CSI: KENTISH TOWN

Police hunt for serial puddle splasher

(Thanks to The Perts)

LIFE IS UNFAIR

Man set to make $100,000 a year from personalised banana company

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

'AGAIN'

Authorities say a Florida man bidding to reach Bermuda in an inflatable bubble has been rescued again by the U.S. Coast Guard.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THE 'LIGHT BEER' PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR DECADES

An art exhibit in Shanghai questions consumer culture in a supermarket that sells food and drink packages with no contents.

(Thanks to funny man)

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TIME TO EAT OUT

Beaumont woman finds 4-foot python in her kitchen

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

OOPS

Norwegian fighter jet mistakenly fires at control tower during training

(Thanks to The Perts)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Family's kitchen destroyed by exploding DISHWASHER minutes before daughter's seventh birthday party

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

NAUTICAL GUYS IN ACTION

The Flint Coastguard Rescue Team were deployed by the Holyhead Coastguard Operations Centre at 7.30pm on 12 April, following reports of three men floating down the River Dee in a fridge freezer.

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

French finance minister denies twanging journalist's panties

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

'A LITTLE NUDE LADY FROM PASADENA'

Woman strips completely naked after leading police on high-speed chase through Los Angeles

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

A 'HEALING SMELL, 'DUDE

Ultra-Orthodox rabbi declares medical marijuana kosher for Passover

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Kevin Smith)

THE TRADITION BEGAN IN KUGLUKTUK

Yellowknife husband drives 1,400 km to pick up KFC meal for wife

(Thanks to The Perts)

CHEAP DATE

A woman who was charged with aggravated D.W.I. in 2014 is now off the hook, after she was diagnosed with a rare medical condition that causes her own stomach to produce alcohol.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

CLASSY!

Manager at exotic pet shop paid a prostitute with a MONKEY worth $2,500 that he swiped from the store owned by his WIFE

Incredibly, this did not happen in Florida.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck, Patty Villanova and B'game)

THEREBY QUALIFYING TO BE A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR IN FLORIDA

Hilarious moment self-driving Tesla car backs out the driveway with a golden retriever behind the wheel

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

A Whitefish woman reported that a shepherd wearing a bandana frequently visits her at home and she’s tired of it.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Changes coming to Cracker Jack popcorn after 125 years

(Thanks to The Perts)

IT'S EITHER HIM OR JESUS. OR AMY WINEHOUSE.

Is Liverpool midfielder Joe Allen hidden in this chicken nugget?

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

MEANWHILE IN CANADA'S ONGOING DESCENT INTO CHAOS

Ontario police break up 'domestic dispute' between man and pet parrot

(Thanks to The Perts and Roberto)

SIT TALL, NORTH TYNESIDE

England's diarrhoea capital revealed – but which regions are in the running?

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

THE HUSBANDS ARE ALSO LESS STRESSED AFTER THEY DIE

Wives become less stressed after their husbands die, study finds

(Thanks to coscolo, who says "Especially if said husband had tied them to the top of a vehicle.")

 

OOPS

Somebody screwed up at the United States Army Garrison (USAG) in Hohenfels, Germany the other day because I am relatively sure that an airdropped Humvee is not supposed to move towards the ground quite that quickly.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Armed man in strapless dress wanted in Hollywood robbery

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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WE LIVE IN WONDROUS TIMES

Is this the face of Amy Winehouse in a KFC chicken wrap?

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DON'T GO THERE

Just don't.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Police were unconvinced by the friend's explanation that he was rushing to the aid of a stricken friend being held hostage by a single beaver

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WE HAVE AN ALIBI

Omaha police have announced the death of a squirrel that hung out around police headquarters and had his own Twitter following.

(Thanks to Rick Day and Le Petomane)

NOT DISTURBING AT ALL

Gory realistic cakes whipped by nurse are inspired by her day job and designed to shock

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Sorry, Internet: A Man Didn’t Buy A Yak While High On Sleeping Pills

(Thanks to Ralph)

SPORTSMAN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Angler claims to catch fish with his PENIS after swimming naked in river

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Kevin Smith)

SOMEHOW WE MISSED THIS

Man drives SUV with wife strapped to roof

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Todd Lawson)

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IT'S OK; THEY ALL HAVE VALID DRIVERS' LICENSES

Snakes and lizards on the loose after Florida smoke shop crash

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

FLORIDA: STATE OF ROMANCE

St. Pete resident David Smith is accused of stalking his ex, humping stop sign in front of her home

(Thanks to Steve Thompson, who says "They've got a strong case, as the sign clearly said stop.")

BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS A HASSLE, PARKING THAT ELEVENTH CAR

This $32.5 Million Miami Penthouse Has an 11-Car Garage on the 57th Floor

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WAIT... THERE'S SOMETHING *ILLEGAL* IN IDAHO?

OISE, Idaho (KBOI) — A local country music station, WOW 104.3, has canceled its wiener dog race... because, quite simply, that part of the event is illegal in the state of Idaho.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

FLORIDA: BE ADVISED THAT TEXAS IS GAINING

'Can you turn the temperature down? What is the prime number? I'm right handed': Man high on drugs rambles naked on lawn after being arrested for eating stranger's mail

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

BUT HE IDENTIFIES AS 17

Windsor high school basketball star found to be 30 years old

(Thanks to Sean in Akron)

INCENTIVE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

The owner of a Mankato auto repair shop is under arrest after authorities say he offered employees a bonus in the form of Meth.

(Thanks to Greg)

ALWAYS A SHREWD MOVE

Man accused of stopping traffic to moon police, 911 employees

He was also "slapping his buttocks."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jon Harris)

PROBABLY THERE'S A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

A Levy County man has been arrested and charged with meth possession after deputies found his drugs stashed in an urn filled with ashes.

(Thanks to Diane)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Texas man chucks steak from car in high-speed police chase

No word on whether it was, in fact, chuck steak.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE

Now: An ultrasound.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Rick Day and Jon Harris)

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WHAT A GROUPER WAS DOING WITH A WRENCH WE'LL NEVER KNOW

St. Petersburg man catches 400-pound fish with wrench

(Thanks to Diane)

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OOPS, II

Ostrich is freed from a circus by animal rights activists… and is immediately killed when it runs in front of a car

(Thanks to Geoff)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Grandmother attacked husband with meat tenderiser after she caught him watching porn

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: SHELBY COUNTY

Sheriff's Office looks to return missing donkey

(Thanks to Vol)