Dave Barry's Blog

AND YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST MAKING BOMBS

North Korea has created a hangover-free liquor that is between 30 and 40 percent alcohol but leaves you clear-headed in the morning, according to state media.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau, Madeleine and Harry Nom de Plume)

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Woman caught with drugs inside vagina tells jail officials she has no idea how they got there

You know the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GENERAL TSO'S BAMBI

Roadkill brought to Chinese restaurant because owner never had deer before

The restaurant: China Fun

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

APPARENTLY HE WAS HAPPY TO SEE THEM

Police Officers Actually Thought This Guy's Penis Was a Gun

(Thanks to Mr. Ted Habte-Gabr)

WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE CAUGHT IN THE SNAKE TRAP

Man shocked after catching tiger snake in a mouse trap near Esperance

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

BECAUSE WE, AS A NATION, ARE NOT OBESE ENOUGH

McDonald's testing fries drizzled in chocolate

(Thanks to coscolo and Geoff Scott, who says "After every 10 orders they throw in a defibrillator.")

MINNESOTA: LAND OF ART

Now locals are freezing jeans and putting them in their yards as icy sculptures.

(Thanks to Ralph)

CELEBRITY UPDATE

Rodger Bumpass -- the actor who plays Squidward Tentacles on "SpongeBob SquarePants" -- was arrested Friday night for DUI.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

ATTENTION, MEN WISHING TO BECOME SINGLE SOON:

White Castle offering Valentine's Day reservations

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

FYI

Not Knowing The Colour Of Your Wife's Underwear Could Get You Deported From The UK

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Woman lives with 1,100 rescue cats

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Al Barkafski)

WE SAW THE HERBAL WOMB DETOX PEARLS OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Women inserting herb balls in vagina for 'womb detox' warned of toxic shock syndrome risk

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

GUYS (PRESUMABLY) IN ACTION

Prankster draws giant penis on dangerously thin river ice - and officials can't remove it

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

DENTISTRY IN COOBER PEDY

Australian bushman uses gruesome method to knock out teeth in viral video

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SCIENCE!

Study proves no wine or beer possible without wasp poop

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

IF ONLY

You Are Here 10% of College Graduates think Judge Judy is on the Supreme Court

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "She's not?")

'THIRTY? DAMMIT I *NEED MORE TIME*.'

In 2012, Jay J. Bauer sued based on his view that the standardized push-up requirements to pass the FBI's training exam ‒ 30 for men and 14 for women ‒ discriminated on the basis of sex

(Thanks to Nate West)

'WEINER'

Anthony Weiner's Sex Scandal Is About To Get The Sundance Treatment

Sounds kinky.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

THANKS, ENTOMOLOGISTS!

Study: Your house is filled with arthropods

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

ATTENTION, INVESTORS:

One entrepreneur wants to help men have better sex by offering a masturbation aid designed to be a personal trainer for the penis.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE WANT THE T-SHIRT

The Rising Pune Supergiants!

DATELINE: EGLWYSWRW

Village suffers 'biblical' non stop rain for 81 DAYS and even the livestock are 'depressed'

We saw Depressed Livestock open for the Who.

NAME THAT STATE

Man tased after setting fire to Burger King uniform

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT HAS ALWAYS WORKED FOR US

Could drinking your own pee be the cure for what ails you?

(Thanks to John Gregg)

YOUR DEFLATED-BALLS JOKE GOES HERE

Glasgow's Ryan Wilson cited for 'grabbing Lee Dickson's testicles'

(Thanks to Ken Moore)

NO PERIMETER CAN HOLD HIM

Kiefer Sutherland treated patrons at a famed Hollywood strip club to an awesome topless dance.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NOT *THIS* PLANET

A seething mass of larvae in the kitchen is not everyone's cup of tea, particularly for squeamish Westerners. But for two young Austrian entrepreneurs, it's a food revolution that can help save the planet.

(Thanks to Harry Nom de Plume and DaninDallas)

NEXT DOOR TO JESUS

Amazing photo reveals gorilla and camel 'living on Mars'

(Thanks to funny man)

THEY'RE 'A DELIGHT,' ACCORDING TO DR. KEVIN BUTT

Earthworms the size of a baby snake, weighing as much as a small mouse, have been discovered on the Isle of Rum

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Arnold Schwarzenegger's incredible Mercedes Unimog for sale on Ebay

(Thanks to manual tomato)

EDUCATOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Teacher Jailed For Having Three Young Children in Trunk of Car

(Thanks to Colleen Clark)

FAME

Many centuries ago, this blog's 15-year-old daughter was a HUUUGE fan of the boy band One Direction; she even had a lifesize cardboard cutout of one of its members, Harry Styles, in her room. Yesterday she was doing some decluttering, and this is where Harry ended up.

SUUUUURE

Tourist 'forgets' wife at petrol station, drives 60 miles before realizing

(Thanks to Steve K)

IT WON'T LAST LONG

This 'masturbation booth' just popped up in NYC

(Thanks to many people)

JUST FRIES FOR US, THANKS

Insect oil could make roach dressing for salads

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

QUICK, SOMEBODY CALL THE OREGON STATE HIGHWAY DIVISION

Beached whales pose risk of explosion

(Thnaks to DaninDallas)

WE JUST BET SHE DID

An Italian woman turned to firefighters for help after she lost the key to her chastity belt.

(Thanks to David Emery)

YET THEY STILL SHOW YOU HOW TO BUCKLE A SEAT BELT

Flight attendant declines to make an announcement about the farting in Rows 10 to 12.

(Thanks to Jim K.)

ALSO, HE WENT TO TACO BELL

A man was charged with driving drunk after police say he fell asleep in his car in the drive-through lane of a Taco Bell.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

SEND THIS SQUIRREL TO WASHINGTON

Squirrel causes power outage at Vermont Statehouse

Concidence? We think not: A senate hearing on legalizing marijuana seemed to be rolling along then the lights went out.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NEVER MIND THE STOCK MARKET

Get Ready for a Chocolate Shortage

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

GUYS IN ACTION

Cooking S’mores In A Volcano

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

'THEY MIGHT HAVE ASS CANCER'

Traveller sends handwritten plea for help to flight attendant about a nearby passenger 'farting in rows 10 to 12'

(Thanks to Dave D, Madeleine and Al Barkafski)

WE SAW MYSTERY BOOM OPEN FOR HENDRIX

Fair Lawn, N.J. Residents Baffled By Loud Noises In Night

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "In another, unrelated article, Fair Lawn had a new Mexican burrito restaurant open last week.")

AIDING THE ENEMY

A Howell woman who is facing a possible fine for taking care of baby squirrels says she did not know she was violating state law.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and W)

WHY DON'T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD

California road closed for newt mating season

Related: NSFW Japanese condom advert features two dinosaurs bonking, naturally

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHICH IN FLORIDA IS LEGAL FOR DRIVING PURPOSES

Officers ask driver for his ID, he shows them his new rap CD, cops say

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FIRST '24' WITHOUT JACK, AND NOW THIS

No groundhog for next Groundhog Day

Key excerpt:

Director of tourism and economic development Neal Stechschulte says this February second, an actual groundhog may not be available, “There’s not a contract in place at this point.”

Yes! Groundhogs have contracts!

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER FILTER

Live shark found in Florida swimming pool

(Thanks to Colleen Clark)

GUYS IN ACTION

A guy got on a BART train with a refrigerator.

(Thanks to Howard from Broward, who says "Hey, it's not like he was taking a shark or anything on the train.")