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January 23, 2016


We Haven’t Found Aliens Because They’re All Already Dead, Scientists Say

(Thanks to klezmerphan)


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The reason we can't find them is because they're all playing Candy Crush.

Not only do they have Florida licenses, they're all in New Hampshire to vote in the primary.

I maintain Han shot them first.

"You'll be sorry you said that," Beldar said.

Reminds me of the rationalization, delivered with a straight face, of why polls consistently show that a certain governor's home-state citizens don't want him to run for president: they love him so much that they don't want to lose him.

I see said Governor was dragged kicking and screaming voluntarily came home to oversee the storm.

You mean, I no longer have to keep rehearsing saying "Klaatu Barada Nikto?"

They're just resting.

Don't be ridiculous, the Aliens are right here now, and they are all running for President!

Stop and look at each Candidate and ask yourself, Do They Seem Human?

There are many quite active alien colonies in New Mexico. Mostly they live underground and have constructed large tunnels running from Roswell to Area 51 in Nevada. The rumor is another tunnel has recently been dug to beneath Washington, DC. Perhaps some much needed improvements are coming. Whatever the aliens do there could only be considered as improvements. The guy in the badger mask would know all about this.

Every intelligent race gets to a point where its choice of leaders are felons, communists, and thieves, and then it self-destructs.

Having just returned from a Sunday outing to Wal-Mart, I can assure you that the aliens are alive and well there. I saw Wal-Martians of all shapes and sizes!

Dennis Rodman is well and alive . I rest my case.

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