NEVERTHELESS THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES
We Haven’t Found Aliens Because They’re All Already Dead, Scientists Say
(Thanks to klezmerphan)
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January 23, 2016
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The reason we can't find them is because they're all playing Candy Crush.
Posted by: Ms. Flukey | January 23, 2016 at 02:57 PM
Not only do they have Florida licenses, they're all in New Hampshire to vote in the primary.
Posted by: Sam | January 23, 2016 at 02:59 PM
I maintain Han shot them first.
Posted by: AmoebaStampede | January 23, 2016 at 03:14 PM
"You'll be sorry you said that," Beldar said.
Posted by: funny man | January 23, 2016 at 03:20 PM
Reminds me of the rationalization, delivered with a straight face, of why polls consistently show that a certain governor's home-state citizens don't want him to run for president: they love him so much that they don't want to lose him.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | January 23, 2016 at 03:21 PM
I see said Governor
was dragged kicking and screamingvoluntarily came home to oversee the storm.Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | January 23, 2016 at 03:46 PM
You mean, I no longer have to keep rehearsing saying "Klaatu Barada Nikto?"
Posted by: K | January 23, 2016 at 04:11 PM
They're just resting.
Posted by: Clankie | January 23, 2016 at 09:19 PM
Don't be ridiculous, the Aliens are right here now, and they are all running for President!
Stop and look at each Candidate and ask yourself, Do They Seem Human?
Posted by: billb | January 23, 2016 at 09:51 PM
There are many quite active alien colonies in New Mexico. Mostly they live underground and have constructed large tunnels running from Roswell to Area 51 in Nevada. The rumor is another tunnel has recently been dug to beneath Washington, DC. Perhaps some much needed improvements are coming. Whatever the aliens do there could only be considered as improvements. The guy in the badger mask would know all about this.
Posted by: Le Petomane | January 24, 2016 at 11:29 AM
Every intelligent race gets to a point where its choice of leaders are felons, communists, and thieves, and then it self-destructs.
Posted by: FredKey | January 24, 2016 at 12:13 PM
Having just returned from a Sunday outing to Wal-Mart, I can assure you that the aliens are alive and well there. I saw Wal-Martians of all shapes and sizes!
Posted by: PirateBoy | January 24, 2016 at 07:31 PM
Dennis Rodman is well and alive . I rest my case.
Posted by: Aguia Cabeluda | January 25, 2016 at 04:49 PM