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January 31, 2016
AND THEY'LL COME WITH A COMPLIMENTARY DRIVER'S LICENSE
AK-47s to be manufactured in the Sunshine State.
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
UPDATE FROM IOWA
The big issue: Sod.
January 30, 2016
DUUUUDE
Aggressive Coyotes may be high on shrooms
(Thanks to Madeleine)
MY TARGET READER DEMOGRAPHIC
Here's Dylan Maxwell Barry, who calls me Bop Bop, critiquing one of my books.
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Earth happened just like a Reese's peanut butter cup.
(Thanks to Dan B.)
THE FURRIES ARE AT IT AGAIN
This time they're porn-tweeting cereal icons.
(Thanks to judy b.)
THEY JUST WANTED IT TO STOP
(Thanks to Ralph K., Jon Harris, and Jeff Meyerson)
In extremely vaguely related news, the tutu situation is perilous*.
(Thanks to Monique C.)
*The Perilous Tutus WBAGNFARB
January 29, 2016
UPDATE FROM IOWA
GOING FOR THE GOLD
NEWS YOU CANNOT USE
But "Penis Panics" is fun to say.
(Thanks to funny man)
January 28, 2016
IOWA CAMPAIGN UPDATE
THE LEAST WEIRD THING ABOUT THIS STORY
...is that flight attendants serve food and drink to dolls.
(Thanks to Steve T.)
AND THEY HAVE WAYS OF MAKING IT TALK?
WE ARE CERTAIN THIS HAS BEEN BLOGGED ALREADY
So we are definitely not blogging it.
(Thanks to Al B.)
January 27, 2016
IOWA UPDATE
TRAVEL ADVISORY
For the next few days I will be in Iowa, because it is a Winter Wonderland. I'll be writing columns from there but blogging from me will be sporadic. Maybe judi will post some stuff, despite being fired.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A SORE
Feds spend $80,000 to see what effect spaceflight has on herpes
(Thanks to Le Petomane)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HEALTH NUT
This 112-year-old woman smokes 30 cigarettes a day
(Thanks to Chris Elzi)
YET ANOTHER REASON -- AS IF WE NEEDED ONE -- TO BAN LIGHT BEER
YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO FOLD 'EM
Puerto Rican man's corpse embalmed to allow poker fanatic to play one final hand with loved ones
(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Jeff Meyerson)
NOT WEIRD AT ALL!
Man Who Wanted to Look Like a PLATYPUS Finally Got His Wish
(Thanks to Jeff Schneider)
CSI: FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAA
R.I.P.
(Thanks to Jon Harris and Jeff Meyerson)
DIG HIM UP AND HANG HIM
11th Duke of Bedford blamed for unstoppable grey squirrel invasion
(Thanks to Jerzy Gembura)
January 26, 2016
NAME THAT STATE
Woman with no pants leads to driver's arrest
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
OOPS
U.K. government misspells 'language' while announcing English tests for migrants
(Thanks to The Perts)
RESCUE OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Newquay air and sea search turns up inflatable doll
(Thanks to Loren Blinde)
ALSO, STAY OFF HER LAWN
NJ woman shoots man who was using her shovel to clear elderly neighbor’s driveway
"...striking him in the buttocks..."
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
DUI
Santa Claus arrested in N. Idaho
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
WE SAW KNIFE-WIELDING CRAB OPEN FOR THE ANIMALS
A crab grabbed a knife and fought its way out of a restaurant in Brazil.
(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)
NO MEANS NO
Florida man kisses bird-of-prey, loses part of lip
(Thanks to ubetcha)
SO MUCH FOR SHRINKAGE
Bizarre footage shows driver travelling along busy road with 'huge snow penis' on car
(Thanks to Ralph and Emily, Leslie and w)
January 25, 2016
FOR MEMBERS ONLY:
(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)
SEND IT TO WASHINGTON
(Thanks to DaninDallas)
Related: 'Behemoth' Daddy Longlegs Discovered in Oregon
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
CSI: LITITZ PIKE
GUESS WHERE THEY DID THEIR RESEARCH
Oxford University researchers claim having a local pub makes you happier
(Thanks to W. von Papineau)
WHY THE HELL NOT?
Scientists have grown a LIVING human ear on the back of a rat
(Thanks to Le Petomane and Dave D.)
IT'S ORGANIC
Kevin Abosch sells photograph of potato for $1.5 million
(Thanks to John Gregg and Le Petomane)
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
New development out of Asia: Cats are being used as hair styling tools
(Thanks to W. von Papineau)
MEANWHILE IN WOMEN'S ROWING
(Thanks to Allen at Division, who stresses that we are not going for a cheap laugh here)
FIRST TIME WE'VE HEARD THAT TERM USED TO DESCRIBE IT
Ohio man accidentally shot himself in Chick-fil-A while pulling up his pants
(Thanks to Janice Gelb and Bill Hudgins)
DO NOT MESS WITH THEM
This woman ‘beat up her husband with nunchucks because he refused her sex’
She also "hurled ceramic figurines."
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Allen at Division)
HERE'S HOPING THE IRS IS ALSO MISSING
THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN
A "public masturbation booth" in NYC was a publicity stunt for a sex toy company.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
January 24, 2016
SPORTS UPDATE
If you're a male, you don't want to read the sports update.
(Thanks to oneblankspace)
THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT CRACKERS
Wisconsin thieves steal semi-trailer holding $70,000 of cheese
(Thanks to Gary Schroeder)