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December 30, 2015

A SPECIAL TYPE OF YEAR IN REVIEW

It's time to plumb the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. We’re looking for the weirdest, least explicable, and most awkward objects that America has shoved inside its various holes. God bless us, everyone. 

(Tnanks to Jodi)

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Colon Messer - *winner* in the rectum category

·“WAS EATING BEEF JERKY, WHEN HE OPENED THE PACKAGE OF SILICA AND SPRINKLED IT ON THE BEEF JERKY”

What could possibly go wrong?

Now that sounds like a fun party:

“ENTERTAINING GUESTS BY INSERTING THE WOODEN LEG OF A CHAIR INTO HIS RECTUM”

Not sure of the caliber, but I recall several guns being holstered in the vagina region, OK IN THE VAGINA, of women of the female gender.

I had a guy come into the e.r. with a Maglite flashlight inserted where the sun generally doesn't shine, iykwim. He said he was getting into his truck when he accidentally sat on it. He was wearing overalls at the time and I didn't see any holes in them. I had a woman come in and she was upset that someone had put witchcraft in her shoes and body. She also said Satan had impregnated her that morning but my co-worker said that was impossible because her ex-husband was out of town.

Be sure to read the comments to the original story.

So who says there's a real estate crisis? We'v

We've got room to rent...

(TYpePad closed prematurely on me)

...damn near killed 'em

I sense a great book will be written by nursecindy someday. Maybe a reality TV show.

huh

i don't see 'schlong' on Any of the lists

Now... what about the policies our elected leaders have pulled out of their various holes ?

Schlongs get sticked, but rarely stuck.

Fisting party. There's a hoot or poot.

As they often say, these are only the incidents that were reported.

I guess bottle rockets are too routine these days.

Think I'll give the hospital Lost and Found a wide berth when I next visit.

Salt shaker? As in "Please pass the salt...no, on second thought, I'm good with just the Mrs. Dash seasoning."

I'm still trying to figure out "Marble."

Golfball. So that's where my tee shot on hole one went.

Urk.

We had a guy show up at the ER one time who'd managed to pass a Buzz Lightyear action figure into his rectum. Unfortunately, after his--ahem--accomplishment, the wings on said action figure deployed, and it had to be surgically removed. One of our more elderly ER nurses checked him in. The batteries on her hearing aids had gone out earlier in the day, so she duly reported that the patient had a "Bud Light Beer" in his nether region, adding, "I'm not sure whether it's open or not"....

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