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October 06, 2015


You can leave your kin your framed skin, tattoos

(Thanks to Sean in Akron)


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I have no tattoos to bequeath, but my right hip bears the remnants of a particularly aggressive zit-popping session that might bring a nostalgic shimmer to my loved ones' eyes.

Just have your kin nail your corpse to the wall and save a few bucks all around.

Memories, pressed between the pages your dried tattoo skin.

That artistic mole on my butt is looking into this.

"Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead."
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde,
And that's it hanging on the shed.

Movies I'd like to have seen:

Ma and Pa Kettle and the Telltale Tattoo

Charlie Chan and the Framed Son

Mr. Moto's Last Grin

(hint: they don't exist, nudge nudge wink wink)

My only "ink" was obtained during my colonoscopy. I asked the doctor for pictures. He obliged. They were my desktop wallpaper at work for a while. Quite the conversation stopper.

Would you end up looking like the woman in

this video?

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