Dave Barry's Blog

HOW THE COUCH DEVELOPED FIVE TEETH WE'LL NEVER KNOW

Fake dentist in Texas arrested after pulling 5 teeth on Dallas woman’s couch

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NEGOTIATING STRATEGY OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A woman was arrested after allegedly biting a Macy’s employee in a Newark store because she was upset over the price of an item.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

TRUST US

Manure expo: Don’t miss a minute of the action

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NAME THAT STATE

Thompson denied displaying a gun and told police the couple’s vehicle nearly crashed into him while leaving the Taco Bell lot, and he said Newcomb threw food at him when he pulled alongside the car to check on their well-being.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ATTENTION, TRAVELERS

Rude hand gestures of the world

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHY ARE THEY EVEN ALLOWED IN THE WATER?

Stats Prove: Cows Take More US lives Than Sharks

Advisory: Autoplay.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

A woman dialled 999 to call police from a hairdresser’s because her new haircut was “a mess”, one of Yorkshire’s four forces has revealed.

(Thanks to Ralph)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Authorities say Tarpon Springs residents reported a loud bang at a home early Monday morning. The Tampa regional bomb squad was called in to investigate and found a hand grenade had detonated in the home's backyard.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Study ranks Tampa as America's sweatiest city

(Thanks to Rick Day)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Shakespeare repackaged: Yolo Juliet.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

MAKES TOTAL SENSE

Florida gun store owner wants to serve alcohol at Daytona Beach shooting range

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who asks "What could go wrong?")

WITHOUT THE INTERNET, WE NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THIS

Here’s a Guy Lip-Syncing to Marvin Gaye While Wearing a Giraffe Mask

 (Thanks to Steve K)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Investigation launched after Buddhists release non-native species of Canadian lobster and Dungeoness crab into the sea off Brighton

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Related: New Hairy-Chested Crab Identified in Antarctic Hydrothermal Vents 

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie and Bill Hudgins)

EMAIL OF THE MORNING SO FAR

Hello Daveblog

It won't be even a month when you see an extra nice inch down there while standing in front of the mirror.

'TEENTECH' AWARD WINNERS

They want to create a condom that changes colour when it detects an STI.

(Thanks to Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

NEW JERSEY WILDLIFE REPORT

This fish will eat your testicles, and it's swimming in a pond near you

This has been your New Jersey Wildlife Report.

(Thanks to Bruce Webster and Jan in Grimsby)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

Fatal Farts

(Thanks to Rick Day)

AGED TO PERFECTION

Some 800 tonnes of smuggled frozen meat have been seized by Chinese authorities, including one batch dating from the 1970s, state media reported.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Women going gaga over 'Taiwan's hottest bean curd seller'

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

#GOFIGURE

#SummerInSyria social media campaign fails to take off

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WAIT... WHO?

Florida man Dick Oranges bit a store employee and swung a knife at him during a confrontation over stolen clothing, police said.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SPEAKING OF BEER AND MANHOOD

Chemical in hoppy beer may cause man boobs and erectile dysfunction

(Thanks to Godot51)

HOW A REAL MAN HIDES HIS BEER

This is how.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Chick-fil-A Customers Attacked by Birds

(Thanks to Ralph)

IF THIS DOESN'T PROMOTE SEXUAL HEALTH, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

A nineteen-year-old in Norway has been hired by a sexual health charity to play a giant penis who surprises passers-by by spraying them with golden confetti.

(Thanks to Eric Y, Ralph and Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

NO S**T

Georgia workers win $2.2 million in 'devious defecator' case

(Thanks to Eric Y)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Groom arrested, bride treated for dehydration at rowdy wedding

(Thanks to Steve K and Al Barkafski)

BECAUSE OF ALL THE LOST BRAIN CELLS

Listening To Heavy Metal May Actually Make You Calmer

(Rob Simbeck)

PREVIOUSLY HE 'DID A POO ON THE FLOOR OF HIS LOCAL COUNCIL OFFICES'

An angry dwarf impersonated a Dalek by sticking a sucker dart to his head and threatening to ‘exterminate’ two carers… before being tasered by a police.

(Thanks to funny man)

CSI: CANADA

Winnipeg police sorry for 'X-rated' chopper talk overheard by public

(Thanks to funny man and Jan in Grimsby)

NORWEGIAN GUYS IN ACTION

The man had filled a 200-litre hot water tank with gas in order to shoot kohlrabi, also known as German turnip, in his garden.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT WORK

Couple try to flag down Ryanair plane on airport runway

(Thanks to John Mayson)

MYSTERIOUS ANCIENT STRUCTURE BAFFLES COMMUNITY

Fridgehenge

(Thanks to Ralph)

ONE BY ONE, WE ARE LOSING OUR BASIC CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

LaPorte man arrested, accused of licking toad in restaurant parking lot

(Thanks to Ralph)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Super drunk Florida man arrested for posing like Superman without pants on, public urination

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CELEBRITY UPDATE

Ryan Gosling Stands Up for Chickens in Letter to Costco

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

CANADIAN GUYS IN ACTION

Man rides moose.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

We are thinking that beer may have been involved.

FLORIDAAAAAAAA

Man, 90, threatened to blow postal worker’s head off

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR KANYE WEST

Notorious Invasive Worm Just Found in U.S.

(Thanks to wire"snoop"dogg)

BRILLIANT

The man who owned the house that was slated for demolition is accused of changing the address numbers with the house next door.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

DIAGNOSIS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Rhabdomyolysis and bilateral peroneal and tibial neuropathies as a result of squatting in ‘skinny jeans’

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Bob Brogan)

REGRETS? I'VE HAD A FEW.

42-year-old man with 29 Miley Cyrus tattoos wants to get them removed after singer called them ugly

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Possibly the Saddest Words Ever Written: "42-year-old man with 29 Miley Cyrus tattoos"

THE EXTREMELY WILD WEST

Erie police warn rider about horse's waste, relocate bunnies

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

FYI

There are Poop-Filled Mites On Your Face Right Now

(Thanks to A. Wheeler)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Police say a passenger's dispute over wanting more nuts was behind a Chicago-bound United Airlines flight being forced to divert to Northern Ireland.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THE CLEVELAND SOCIAL SCENE

Naked, Drunk, Pizza-Eating Duo Arrested in Westlake Over the Weekend

Bonus: Police added on disorderly conduct for Gillespie after he urinated in the back of the cruiser.

(Thanks to Stever and Sean in Akron)

DUDE

Marijuana Prices Are Crashing in Colorado

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

FINALLY SOMEBODY HAD THE GUTS TO ASK

Is Britney Spears A More Dedicated Dog Owner Than Lady Gaga?

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

APPARENTLY HE STINKS

A drummer's fart has cost a D.C. nightclub $500.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAA

Florida man shoots himself during gun safety class at Orlando range

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)