Dave Barry's Blog

POST STORY

It's here.

THE BRAINS BEHIND THE HUNT

So to speak.

DUH

Man drives down US 1 in Florida with missile; no one blinks an eye

Key Only-in-Miami Element: Madden, who owns the public relations agency TransMedia, got the missile from an elderly widow who lives in Miami.

(Thanks to David Emery)

ACTUALLY, NO. WE'RE DRINKING BEER.

Enjoy water? You’re drinking dinosaur pee

(Thanks to The Perts)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Google and Levi’s are teaming up to make computerized pants

(Thanks to coscolo)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

German police alerted to armed mob, find asparagus pickers

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

FLORIDA JUST GETS MORE AND MORE FLORIDA

Self proclaimed vampire back in jail after several attacks

THE WASHINGTON POST HUNT IS OVER

...and it came off without a hitch!

OK, there were several dozen major hitches. But there always are. And somehow we overcame them all. And it didn't rain. And there was this:

Also the Kohler company had (really) a fine display of its latest commodes:

THE POST HUNT

It's today, starting at noon. And it is being supervised by the top brains in Washington.

THE POST HUNT

It's tomorrow. Be there. And be prepared for anything.

EDUCATOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A high school teacher allegedly showed off before-and-after pictures of her boob job to three of her students.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS

America's Elite Cows Don't Give Birth — Their Surrogates Do

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks, who says "and they have Florida drivers' licenses.")

YOU JUST KNOW THE SQUIRRELS ARE INVOLVED

Tarpon Springs neighbors baffled by house, trees covered in aluminum foil

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

DAMN. *WE* WERE GONNA DO THAT.

Napoleon’s life rebuilt with Legos for Waterloo anniversary

(Thanks to The Perts)

BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP IS TOTAL ANARCHY

Stone-balancing artist Michael Grab, who’s impromptu sculptures are known to frequent Boulder Creek, was stopped during the Boulder Creek Festival by a Boulder police officer who told him he couldn’t balance rocks in the creek, citing two Boulder City Codes, one against rolling rocks and one on destruction of public property.

(Thanks to Elaine Ziman, who notes that this happened in a state where it's legal to smoke pot.)

Vaguely Related: This Stretched-Out Wolf's Pee Smells Like Marijuana

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

We saw Stretched-Out Wolf's Pee open for Madonna.

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Police Corral Stray Pig In Shelby Township; Porky Perp Leaves Patrol Car A Mess

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

PRODUCT DEMONSTRATION OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Inventor Gets Shot In Groin To Test Bulletproof Jockstrap (VIDEO)

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Rick Day, who says "He's nuts.")

SO FAR IT REFUSES TO TALK

Bird accused of working for Pakistani intelligence is placed in custody

(Thanks to Dan Gilmartin and DaninDallas)

DON'T SAY THIS BLOG DIDN'T WARN YOU

Human Flesh-Craving Squirrels Are Attacking MTA Workers

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Police arrested an 82-year-old man for slashing a woman's tires because he claims she was sitting in his favorite bingo seat.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, Jeff Meyerson and Geoff Scott)

There is only one possible state.

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

A runaway pig has caused havoc in the sleepy West Australian town of Denmark

(Thanks to Janice Gelb, who says "definitely free range.")

We saw Runaway Pig open for Meat Loaf.

THE NEWS FROM CANADA

The tax on tampons will end a lot sooner than anyone was expecting.

This has been The News From Canada.

(Thanks to The Perts)

BEAUTIFICATION, DUDE

Council ‘accidentally’ plants marijuana in city centre flowerbeds

(Thanks to Will Dooley)

Related: Man sprinkles cops’ pizza with weed because ‘they sounded cool on the phone’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HE NEEDS AN ANTI-REPTILE APP

Man steps on a snake while busy on smartphone

Oscar-worthy local-TV re-enactment here.

(Thanks to Mike Ester, Allen at Division, Not My Usual Alias and Ralph)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Man stuffed AK-47 rifle down his pants at Davie pawn shop

You know the state.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

JUST GO AWAY

Miley Cyrus Shows Off Long Armpit Hair (Again) in Bikini Selfie

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

‘Dementor’ wasp turns cockroaches into zombies

ADVISORY: Autoplay.

(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet and Joe in Japan)

THEREBY QUALIFYING THEM FOR FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Fruit flies can apparently tell time

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

A Franklin woman was hospitalized and charged with DUI after police found her disoriented and with 13 nearly empty cans of whipped cream scattered in her SUV, authorities said this week.

(Thanks to Sharon "The Minx" Lurie)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Skook Toones bringing more pianos to downtown Pottsville

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

CSI: TOOWOOMBA

Police from Toowoomba Stock and Rural Crime Investigation Squad acted quickly upon receipt of information regarding the theft of a quantity of gallstones from cattle slaughtered at a nearby abattoir.

(Thanks to Ralph)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

MUNCIE, Ind. (AP) — Police say an Indiana woman stabbed another woman in the eye with a fork in a dispute over the last rib at a barbecue.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jon Harris)

YES, LET'S MAKE THE DOCTOR MORE COMFORTABLE

“Our goal is to get students more comfortable with these mortifying scenarios,” lead researcher Dr. Benjamin Lok said.

(Thanks to Jon Harris, who, inexplicably, failed to note that "Robotic Rump" WBAGNFARB)

BOWLING FOR DOLLARS

Woman hits self with bowling ball as cover for robbery.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO RIGHTS LEFT

Cornwall bans the "mankini"

(Thanks to judy b.)

SEND THIS THIEF TO WASHINGTON

Germany's bathroom thief strikes again as ministry toilet seats go missing

(Thanks to Ralph)

GOOD MORNING, DUDE

Marijuana-Infused Smoked Salmon Is The Future Of Breakfast

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man stripped naked and taped to traffic lights for stag do, of course

(Thanks to Cody)

THEY ALSO WERE A GREAT OPENING ACT FOR HERMAN'S HERMITS

Synthetic Cadavers Offer An Equally Creepy Alternative To The Real Thing

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

THE SOFTWARE WAS DESIGNED IN FLORIDA

Self-Driving Volvo Tries To Run Some People Over

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Al Barkafski)

ANOTHER CLUE WAS THE MACHETE

After a three-fourths empty bottle of vodka was found on the floorboard of his car and he failed a sobriety field test, Jonathan A. Stauffer made this admission, according to police records: “Maybe I shouldn’t have drank as much as I did.”

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

A FLORIDA POLICE BADGE IS ON THE WAY

Arizona woman blares siren of friend’s police car at drive thru, arrested for DUI

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS

MASON COUNTY, MI – Two women fighting over the waffle maker in a Mason County hotel apparently ignited a major disruption over the holiday weekend inside the hotel's buffet-style breakfast area, police say.

(Thanks to DaveM)

OOPS

Cheating English man desperately searches for sex tape he left on bus starring his mistress

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

The bus was starring his mistress?

APPARENTLY YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY *USE* IT

Large-brained female fish have a higher survival rate than those with small brains when faced with a predator, although brain size surprisingly did not influence male survival.

(Thanks to Dianne Glymph, who says "Kind of explains some stuff, doesn’t it?")

TOOT

Here's a nice review of Live Right and Find Happiness in the New York Times.

THE 2015 POST HUNT IS SUNDAY

Here's the official Post page, and here's the invaluable site maintained by Andy the TropicHunt.com Guy. Today at noon Gene Weingarten, Tom Shroder and I will be talking about the Hunt, and probably other things, during Gene's weekly chat.

THE WILD WILD MIDWEST

Cyclists attack PedalPubs with squirt guns in Minneapolis; six arrested

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

GUYS IN ACTION

Twin 52-year-old brothers are facing the same charge after throwing bricks at each other during an argument, Orange City police said.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Farts should be Pendleton council’s next order of business

(Thanks to RussellMc, Tash and Unholy Slacker)