Dave Barry's Blog

WE'LL BE DROPPING INTO BED, BUT YOU GUYS HAVE FUN OUT THERE

The Idaho Potato Drop is only one of the many things-being-dropped events planned for tonight. Also being dropped at midnight are a taco, a sardine, an acorn, a cheese wedge, a Moon Pie and Miley Cyrus's undergarments.

No! Just kidding about that last one! We think.

 

WILD NEW YEAR'S EVE PLANS

I'm going to spend the evening teaching my grandson, Dylan, to play the guitar. Here he is performing "Purple Haze." As you can see, he is gifted.

POLICE HAD SOMETHING TO GO ON

But police say a search of Frey's apartment wiped out that explanation: That's where they say they found a newly opened roll of toilet paper with the pen impression from Frey's note on an outer sheet.

(Thanks to Jon Harris, Bill Hudgins and Unholy Slacker)

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, OFFICER?

A Harley Davidson rider was busted for DUI after he crashed his bike into a parked Florida Highway Patrol vehicle, police said.

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Record for largest paper wad set in Minnesota

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

And from there it's only a 20-hour drive to the Idaho Potato Drop!

DJ’s kept people dancing inside the VIP lounge, while partygoers outside boogied to live music while reveling at the 17 foot potato effigy.

"Effigy?"

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Pigeon poo getting up Ashburton noses

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

CATS WILL DO ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION

Online community aids in getting cat accidentally sold in mattress back home

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THE GLAMOUR THAT IS INTERNATIONAL AIR TRAVEL

Passengers kicked up a stink on a flight from Beijing to Detroit this week after a family allowed their toddler to defecate on his seat, according to reports.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

UPDATE: It turns out that this is old and was already blogged. judi will be rehired briefly so she can apologize before being refired.

TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE

A 12-year-old schoolboy turned up for his nativity play dressed up as Stalin after mixing up his Josephs.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

High speed M&M sorting machine created

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

DOES THIS MEAN THAT THE POTATO DROP WON'T USE A REAL POTATO?

N.C. town's Possum Drop won't use real animal, breaking 20-year tradition after outcry from PETA

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Charity shop fire sparked by sun refracting through snow globe

(Thanks to Monique)

YIKES

We had no idea.

(Thanks to Brian Duval)

UPDATE: The link no longer works (yes, judi will be fired). It originally went to this:

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY FUNERAL

Family chases down man who stole hearse with relative's casket inside

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

BE READY

Half-Moon Makes Dramatic Pass at Uranus Tonight

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Nashville man pulls gun in McDonald’s over missing cheeseburger

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Italian Circus Closed After Trying to Pass Off Dogs as Pandas

(Thanks to Paul Sand, Rob Simbeck and DaninDallas)

SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

Excrement Tanker Explodes, Covering Everyone in Human Waste

(Thanks to Ralph, Jeff Meyerson and Unholy Slacker)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

Mass. woman arrested for smearing bacon on police station

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WHY CAN'T WE GET THIS KIND OF LEADERSHIP?

President of Argentina adopts Jewish godson to 'stop him turning into a werewolf'

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Jeff Meyerson)

WHILE U WAIT

2014: HOW BAD WAS IT?

This bad.

NOBODY DESERVES IT MORE

Justin Bieber receives ‘beautiful’ private jet as Christmas gift

(Thanks to nursecindy, who says "I got a new sweater and a flute.  I don't know how to play the flute.")

CLASSY

Husband, 18, and wife, 42, 'stole $2,000 worth of Christmas ornaments from neighbors to decorate their own yard'

Yet they look like such a nice couple.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CHRISTMAS IN FLORIDA

A 54-year-old man was arrested on Christmas Eve after allegedly taking “crack cocaine” into the Intensive Care Unit at North Okaloosa Medical Center to share with a patient there.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

THE EXCITEMENT IS MOUNTING

Residents and businesses preparing for Potato Drop

"Even those who don't drink say it gives them a reason to go downtown."

Is it just us, or does the potato look vaguely... um....

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

FRANCE ON HIGHEST ALERT

Hippo Jumps From Moving Truck in Taiwan, Startling Locals

(Thanks to Ron G.)

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WE'RE NOT SAYING THIS. *SCIENCE* IS SAYING THIS.

A New Study Suggests That People Who Don't Drink Alcohol Are More Likely To Die Young

(Thanks to John Gregg, who says "I'm safe.")

AN IMAGINARY FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

California road rage driver pleads not guilty while steering imaginary wheel

(Thanks to Eric Y)

SOMEBODY'S GOING TO BE SLEEPING ON THE SOFA

Man Calls 911 When "Babbling" Wife Keeps Him Awake

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Jeff Meyerson)

LOUISIANA SOCIAL NOTE

If Jack Daniels and his wife had a child, what would they name it?

(Thanks to J.R. Absher)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

'Open the f--king door': Connecticut woman drives through estranged husband's house

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR, FINAL 2014 EDITION

Topless woman snatches baby Jesus from Nativity scene at St. Peter's Square in pro-choice demonstration

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Ohio town orders man to remove zombie Nativity scene

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Chris Elzi)

Tactical Santas spread Christmas cheer

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Eggnog-chugging contest sends Lehi man to hospital

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

HEY, YOU WONDERFUL BLOG COMMUNITY:

Have a Cool Yule.

DEPARTMENT OF EMAIL PITCHES WE DELETED AFTER READING THE SUBJECT

Introducing LOVE TV + Santa Claus meets 50 Shades of Grey

THERE SHOULD ALSO BE A DJ EVENT

Video games should be in Olympics, says Warcraft maker

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

#BLAMECANADA

Police: 'Suspicious' Nickelback CD to be destroyed

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

'WE GOT NATIONAL TALENT COMIN' IN'

Bigger finale planned for Idaho Potato Drop

Seriously, watch the video. They're expecting "hundreds of people."

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

A Utah man says he's fully recovered after he was hospitalized for chugging a quart of eggnog so quickly that he inhaled some of creamy holiday beverage into his lungs.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and PirateBoy)

COLORADO UPDATE

I've seen it rainin' fire in the sky.

WE'RE PRETTY SURE OUR DAUGHTER ALREADY HAS THIS CAPABILITY

Soon Your Tech Will Talk to You Through Your Skin

(Thanks to coscolo)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE CONSTITUTION

Man dressed as Batman arrested in southeast Idaho

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

MOST HEARTWARMING SHORT VIDEO OF THE DAY SO FAR

Drone vs. Kangaroo.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

A woman was putting her bins out at Brookleigh, around 8.30pm, when she was allegedly approached by a man waving what appeared to be ‘a long-barrelled weapon’ and a ‘fake chicken’.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: CHINA

A THIEF who stole more than 2,000 pieces of women's lingerie has been rumbled after the ceiling where he stashed them collapsed.

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

IT WILL ALSO RECEIVE A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

An orangutan held in an Argentine zoo can be freed and transferred to a sanctuary after a court recognized the ape as a "non-human person" unlawfully deprived of its freedom, local media reported on Sunday.

(Thanks to coscolo)

NAME THAT STATE!

Visitors don't need a sign to know which building in the otherwise nondescript mini-mall is Machine Gun America — they just need to listen for the occasional gunfire that echoes through the walls.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

COLORADO SKI REPORT

Conditions are excellent.

This has been your Colorado Ski Report.

BUT DOES HE HAVE A FLUX CAPACITOR?

Working toward a warp drive: In his garage lab, Omahan aims to bend fabric of space

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)