Dave Barry's Blog

THE MACY'S THANKSGIVING PARADE OVER THE YEARS

It has had its moments.

 

(Thanks to Goodstuff, who says "This Thanksgiving we will be doing oysters and beer. There are no turkeys in Thailand.")

HE ALSO DRESSED AS THOMAS JEFFERSON

America's most bungling lawyer: Costumed attorney who described his INNOCENT client as a 'drug-dealing shooter of people' is banned

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who suggests we send him to Washington)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Exploding poop topples China building

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

YIKES

Monterey researchers take first-ever known video of mysterious black seadevil

(Thanks to Bryan M.)

THERE'S PROBABLY A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

A naked man fell through the ceiling of a women's bathroom at Logan Airport on Saturday, then ran out of the restroom and viciously assaulted an elderly man while he was still in the buff and bleeding, before being arrested, state police said.

(Thanks to Will Dooley and Steve K, who says "Maybe his flight was late.")

THE MIAMI BOOK FAIR

It's been going on the for the past week, and it's as great as ever. Here's a report on it from PBS Newshour. I'm in it, but there are also some coherent parts.

YOU NEED THIS

James Bond-inspired LASER WATCH will burn through objects from a distance

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

THIS IS NOT GOOD

Putin becomes eighth-degree black belt

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

OUR ANNUAL HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

It's here. And it's just as tasteful as ever.

THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON LIVING

Cher confirms cancellation of remaining tour dates with ‘enormous regret’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Darren Byler, owner of Wild Alaskan, a crab boat converted to a strip club, tells KTVA-TV that business has been “wildly successful” in the commercial fishing port.

(Thanks to J.R. Absher, who says, "Crabs anyone?")

OR, NOT

Watch A Hamster Eat A Tiny Thanksgiving Dinner

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

EMAIL TO THE BLOG

Dave, it just dawned on me that we have not heard any news on the dead whale in France since Nov. 12th. I  Googled it several times, but I have come up empty.  Can you use your journalistic skills and worldwide sources to find out "the rest of the story"?  Enquiring minds want to know.

Thanks,

Gordon Anderson

Gordon --

It has been granted amnesty.

You're welcome,

The Blog

'IT DOESN'T HAVE A COMPLETE WARDROBE'

Winnie the Pooh banned from Polish playground for being 'inappropriate hermaphrodite'

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

EW

Scientists study rare tapeworm living in man's brain

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

NAME THAT STATE!

Woman Stabs Boyfriend After He Threatens Turtle

(Thanks to Trent Whitney)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Portable toilet catches fire at Pulaski Skyway construction site

(Thanks to Anne Pettit)

CSI: NEW ZEALAND

Who's sabotaging the Cardrona bra fence?

There is nothing lower than a bra-fence saboteur.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

TGI Friday's launches Mistletoe Drones to encourage diners to 'come together'

We saw Mistletoe Drones open for Strawberry Alarm Clock.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

A GIANT LEAP FOR PATIENTKIND

US health system reveals gown to cover rears

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

WAIT... STRETCH MARKS?

'Normal Barbie' to come with stretch marks, cellulite, acne

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Male Founders Of San Francisco Biotech Startups Promise To Make Vaginas Smell Like Ripe Peaches

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks, who says, "If I want a peach, I'll just have a peach."

Bonus T.S. Eliot Reference (this blog was an English major): "Do I dare to eat a peach?"

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

U.K. 'poo bus' takes to the streets

(Thanks to The Perts and Jon Harris)

BUT DID HE HAVE ANY PHOTOS OF BULLETS?

Man threatens to kill staff at Tesco near Cambridge - while brandishing PHOTO of a gun

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

STAND TALL, FLATHEAD COUNTY

Flathead County leading state in roadkill permits

(Thanks to J.R. Absher)

SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR THE OREGON HIGHWAY DEPARTMENT

WA Fisheries Department refuses to pay for whale carcass removal as they are 'mammals, not fish', mayor says

(Thanks to Ralph)

RHODE ISLAND DINING REPORT

Health Dept: Don’t eat gas station’s fish

(Thanks to Monique)

WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW

How did someone else's DNA get in a murder suspect's mouth while he was in jail?

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

'DEVASTATED' IS ONE WORD FOR IT

Florida man arrested after being refused service at Taco Bell looks devastated in mug shot

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CS EWWW

Man weighing 350 pounds 'stole five rib-eye steaks from Wal-Mart's meat section by sitting on them on his mobility scooter'

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ron G.)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

You Can Poop on People in Grand Theft Auto V on PS4

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

Rampaging Woodchuck Terrorizes N.H. Neighborhood

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Ralph)

Warning: Autoplay.

PRO TIP FOR BURGLARS:

Avoid this guy's house.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

PROBABLY BECAUSE OF THE SCENE INVOLVING THE PENGUIN

Paddington Bear film gets parental guidance rating

(Thanks to The Perts)

THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP

Dogfish Head to Debut a Beer Full of Breakfast Food

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen, who says "This is news?")

NATURE

Seals discovered having sex with penguins

(Thanks to kibby F5)

THE NATION CAN FINALLY BREATHE EASY

Police say a couple who stole hundreds of dollars’ worth of shrimp from grocery stores in Massachusetts and New Hampshire have been captured.

(Thanks to Monique)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Texan arrested for trying steal police car, with detective inside

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE'D WANT AT LEAST THREE

Drunk driver hits officer with truck, wants beer

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

MIAMI BOOK FAIR CAPTION CONTEST

IT TOOK 17 HOURS, WHICH IS HOW LONG THIS BLOG ONCE STOOD IN LINE FOR SPACE MOUNTAIN

Two men take on all 46 rides at Disney World in one day

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Police: Man threw frozen turkey during fight

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Vomit Town USA: SantaCon 2014 is Coming to Bushwick

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

STRICT

A New Mexico middle school teacher is facing charges that allege he threatened a student with a knife for talking during a pop quiz, police said Monday.

(Thanks to  Jon Harris)

CANADA: PARTY NATION

The drunk birds have been accidentally flying into windows and walls, so the territory’s animal health unit is trying to nurse the injured ones back to health -- and sobriety.

(Thanks to The Perts and W. von Papineau)

THANKS, BUT WE'LL STICK WITH BEER

Peru's 'frog Juice' Claims Big Health Benefits

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who says "This reminds me of the Bass-O-Matic.")

BEER IS MORE VALUABLE

Physicists Explain Why Coffee Is More Prone to Spills Than Beer

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

IT'S A CONTACT SPORT

Owasso Man Arrested On Charge Of Biting Off Bowler's Ear

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

YES

Is this the most terrifying car journey ever?

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

THANKS, SCIENTISTS!

In just ten seconds, one kiss can transfer up to 80 million bacteria, according to a new study published in the journal Microbiome.

(Thanks to The Perts and plhubbard)