Dave Barry's Blog

WANT TO COOK SOME SHRIMP JAPANESE-STYLE?

Here's an easy recipe: 

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

SCIENCE: HARSHING THE MELLOW

Breath test to detect pot is being developed at WSU

(Thanks to Craig Roberts and Bill Hudgins, who says "Please say "duuuuude" into the mouthpiece.")

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Police in New Jersey say a man told officers he fled the scene of an auto accident because he "didn't want to deal with his girlfriend yelling at him."

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

DUH

Darth Vader is polling higher than all potential 2016 presidential candidates

(Thanks to John Gregg, who notes, "He's focused.")

WHILE YOU'RE SITTING AROUND DIGESTING TURKEY

Man lifts 80kg of bricks with his testicles, swings them around

(Thanks to funny man, Unholy Slacker and DaninDallas)

CANADIAN TRADITIONS

Duo charged in Vaughan wedding head butt

(Thanks to The Perts)

ATTENTION PULITZER JUDGES

Christmas trees are for sale!

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

NAME THAT STATE!

When a deputy asked Frances Riney, who “appeared out of it” behind the wheel of a Saturn, for her driver’s license, she handed him a bag of chips.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Japan's volcanic Mt. Aso erupts

(Thanks to Carl Youngdahl)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY FUNERAL

A man with dementia in Australia stole a hearse with a coffin on board, forcing the bereaved relatives to set off in hot pursuit

(Thanks to Will Dooley)

NEW JERSEY: LAND OF MYSTERY

'Morristown Fiber Fairy' leaving hats and scarves around town again

(Thanks to Barbara A)

GO ON, KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THEY'RE CUTE AND HARMLESS

Schoolchildren forced to evacuate playground due to "unusually aggressive" grey squirrel

(Thanks to Monique, and Ranald Adams)

Squirrels Interfere With Cincinnati Zoo's Light Display

(Thanks to Gary Schroeder and Ralph)

BUSTER WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Jordan Winn claimed Buster, a Staffordshire bull terrier, leapt into the foot well of his Volvo and sat on the accelerator pedal, causing him to drive away from a police officer that was pursuing him in Chester-le-Street, Durham. According to Winn, Buster was operating the driving pedals with his bum while looking up at him with his head poking up between his knees because it was stuck underneath the steering wheel.

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Police say a Pennsylvania woman chased her boyfriend around a dining room and stabbed him in the chest because he started eating Thanksgiving dinner while she slept off a bender.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Bill Hudgins)

BUT IT WAS AN 'EMOTIONAL SUPPORT' PIG!

Marauding pig and its woman owner forced off US Airway flight after 'terrified' passengers complained

We saw Marauding Pig open for the Stones.

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner, Monique and The Perts)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE REPORT

With monkey on the lam, Florida neighborhood goes bananas

This has been your Florida Wildlife report.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Ralph)

YOU'RE WELCOME, BRITAIN!

The Brits have imported Black Friday:

“It was mental in there. It was crazy… absolutely disgusting. So many people pushed in the queue we didn’t have a chance. The poor woman who was second in the queue was pushed out by the crowd of youths, she didn’t get anything. There are lads in there three, four, five tellies. It’s not fair.

“I got a Dyson but I don’t even know if I want it. I just picked it up. I don’t even know how much it costs, I don’t know even know if I’m going to buy it. I just wanted something."

We don't even know what a "Dyson" is. But we would fight for one.

WE'RE NOT SURE 'BEAUTY' IS THE RIGHT WORD

Is dyed armpit hair the next big beauty trend?

(Thanks to Jon Harris and DaninDallas)

CHESTER MISSING UPDATE

S.Africa overturns gag order on ventriloquist's puppet

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

WHERE THE HELL IS THE SO-CALLED 'DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE?'

Buccaneers’ Stadium Caught Selling Colored Water As Alcohol

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

TERRIFYING

Firemen called out to catch 'pumpkin snake'

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

FRANCE ETC.

Putin's tiger kills 15 goats in China

Warning: Autoplay.

(Thanks to The Perts)

UNFORTUNATELY,

etc.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

New clam species found off of B.C.'s coast

(Thanks to The Perts)

LETDOWN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Uses for Cucumbers That Will Amaze You

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

THOSE THINGS CAN BE DEADLY

Colorado man arrested after pointing banana at officers like a gun

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MUST BE A LARGE SAUSAGE

Woman Arrested For $6400 Sausage Heist

(Thanks to ImNotDave, John Gregg and Maryann)

CSI: FALMOUTH

The warped defecator has struck several more times since then

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who saw the Warped Defecators open for Marilyn Manson)

BECAUSE CATS HAVE BEEN URINATING ON IT?

Why does a Pennsylvania city smell like cat urine?

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Man charged with putting camera in ex’s shower says he was filming chickens

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

Teens ticketed for driving in Dinkle

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Nuclear Attack From Aliens Eradicated Life On Mars, Physicist Claims

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

FLORIDA EDUCATION REPORT

Sarasota High School student Alexa Nicole De Armas was arrested Friday for organizing a prostitution ring of students from different high schools.

This has been your Florida Education Report.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

COLLEGE

Cambridge students slammed for bum contest

Advisory: NSFW.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY LAUGHED AT THE HOT SAUCE

Light-breaking squirrels play Grinch at zoo

(Thanks to Ralph)

IDAHO: FLORIDA OF THE NORTHWEST

12-year-old girl crashes SUV into Idaho church, police say

Truck crashes into Viking Drive-In in Boise

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE SCIENCE, BUT APPARENTLY THEY HAVE CLONED THE PLOT

Jurassic World trailer already facing criticism from palaeontologists

(Thanks to The Perts)

'STRATEGY?'

Researchers find strategy to sloppiness of dogs’ drinking

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

IT'S ABOUT TIME

...they cracked down on this.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THEY WERE ALL RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Doctors remove 50 maggots from man’s nose

(Thanks to Mitch Seibert)

GERMANY ON HIGH ALERT

Frenchman develops pills to make flatulence smell of roses

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'IT CAME THROUGH MY POWDER ROOM'

West Island Man's Toilet Explodes While City Crew Cleans Sewers

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Woman faces assault charge after Monopoly game gets out of hand

(Thanks to Poker and Samuel Sprague, who says "She didn't have a Get Out of Jail Free card.")

BOISE: THE PARTY CITY

New Year's Idaho Potato Drop site set for 8th and Main

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

BRILLIANT

Man calmly approaches news crew outside burning building and admits to setting it on fire.

(Thanks to Bill Jones)

FLORIDA CRIMINAL SUSPECT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Florida Criminal Suspect of the Week So Far.

(Thanks to Will Dooley, J.J. Gertler and Ralph)

IF ANYBODY CAN EXPLAIN THIS...

...you people can.

THIS IS WHY THE INTERNET WAS INVENTED

Does the dog die?

(Thanks to Brian Duval)

THIS IS HOW DUTCH ELM DISEASE GOT STARTED

Man marries tree… again

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

'THE FUTURE OF TRAVEL'

This bus runs on human poop

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)