Dave Barry's Blog

DAY-O!

Deadly Spider Found in Family's Bananas

(Thanks to The Perts)

NAME THAT STATE!

Seven witnesses identified Warrenfeltz from several facial tattoos, including "Misunderstood" in cursive script.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Losers Of Beer Pong Match Opened Fire On Fellow Texas Partygoers

(Thanks to coscolo and Ralph)

R.I.P

Beyond the sadness of dumping thousands of real books with real paper pages and the poignant example our digital devolution, I'd like to point out that a Dave Barry book is the only one not taking this indignity lying down.  In fact, I think it's trying to make a break for it.  Run, Dave, Run!

Gargoyle Socks

 

“Thousands” of Unsold Books Thrown in the Clayton Library’s Recycling Dumpster

WAY TO STAY CLASSY

Bieber reportedly scolded for kicking around ball in Vatican corridors

(Thanks to The Perts)

ATTENTION, MEN:

Man Escapes Alimony After Wife Admits She's a Genie

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO... WHOA

Pilots on a holiday jet were left stunned when a 'flying man' whizzed past their aircraft at 3,500 feet.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

AND HUGH HEFNER WANTS THEM BACK

Oldest genitals found.

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

CSI: PAW PAW

A Hartford woman was arrested early Sunday morning for drunken driving after she allegedly pulled into the parking lot of the Van Buren County Jail, which she believed to be a bar

(Thanks to Jon Harris, coscolo ["both have bars"] and Bill Hudgins)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

President of Belarus declares country's sausage is free of toilet paper

(Thanks to Ralph)

DOWN, BOY!

Puppy-Sized Spider Surprises Scientist in Rainforest

(Thanks to Jon Harris, Scott Swalwell, Janice Gelb, Nelson from Michigan and John Gregg)

UPDATE ON THE GIANT PARIS ART/BUTTPLUG

Paris 'sex toy' Christmas tree sculpture deflated by vandals

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, Loudmouth and Ralph)

VIRAL

Ebola stuffed toys are a sell-out online

(Thanks to funny man and Jay Brandes)

ONE BY ONE, WE ARE LOSING OUR PRECIOUS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

NJ man accused of eating raccoons

(Thanks to John Gregg)

LADIES, WE'RE GUESSING HE'S SINGLE

Meet the terrifying 'Devil Man' with black eyeballs and horn implants embedded in forehead

(Thanks to funny man)

WHAT IF THERE'S A HOLDUP?

A Poop Bank in Massachusetts Will Pay You $40 Every Day

(Thanks to veee)

PARENT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Tanya Miller has been jailed for six years after she took her eight month old child along when she acted as the getaway driver in a building society raid

She looks responsible enough.

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

BAA, DUDE

Sheep get STONED on £4,000 worth of dumped marijuana

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

CSI: MANUAL TOMATO'S OFFICE

In short, this is an actual surveillance video from my security camera earlier today.  A man (solicitor) walks into the office carrying church cookies for sale...

OMG LOL

A British family were shocked to receive a text message apparently from their dead grandmother, who had been buried with her phone three years earlier.

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

YOU BETTER STAND UP

Star-Spangled Banner played with a rifle

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TUNE THEM?

Tuning '77 - a seamless audio supercut of an entire year of the Grateful Dead tuning their instruments, live on stage.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

BREAKING REALLY, REALLY BAD

Hitler was on crystal meth

Doo-dah, doo-dah

(Thanks to Ross Holley)

NAME THAT STATE!

Police charge man with stealing toilet parts from fast food restaurants

'SUCTION'

Couple hospitalised after sex in the sea left them stuck together

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

YET NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT HELLO KITTY

Mom wants Toys R Us to pull 'Breaking Bad' toys

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

HO HO HO

Giant inflatable 'sex toy' sculpture in Paris is meant to be a Christmas tree

(Thanks to Poker, who says "I always said October was way too early for a giant sex toy Christmas tree.")

WHEREVER THIS HAPPENED, WE'RE STAYING THE HELL AWAY FROM THERE

Rumble in the jungle: giant leech swallowing huge worm captured by Telegraph reader

(Thanks to Ron G, who says "Just another day in paradise!")

BUSTED

A survey reveals that 56 percent of dads pretend to be asleep when they hear their baby crying.

(Thanks to The Perts)

UNFORTUNATELY,

etc.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

A Delaware man who says he awoke from a colonoscopy to find he was wearing pink women’s underwear is suing a surgical center.

(Thanks to Ken Fineberg)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR MOTLEY CRUE

Beavers with parachutes in Idaho?

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

STAND BY YOUR MAN'S

When asked by Steve Harvey what body part she would change about her husband, a contestant named Joyce mentioned a certain private body part.

(Thanks to George Buars)

NEW SOUTH WALES: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

What a whopper parsnip!

(Thanks to Poker)

WE HAVE BRAINS?

Male brains wired to ignore food in favour of sex, study shows

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says, "But what about beer?")

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

An Arizona man visiting Seattle implicated a woman who, in his words, looked like "Nicki Minaj before she was famous" in a bizarre early morning kidnapping and robbery that left one Seattle Police Department officer fairly baffled.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

TRICK OR TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Polar bear scare ruins Halloween for kids in Nunavut village

(Thanks to The Perts)

NO MATTER HOW STUPID YOU THINK FLORIDA IS, IT ALWAYS MANAGES TO BE STUPIDER

Now we're having Fangate, which is this massive scandal involving the critical issue of whether Charlie Crist, whose blood is at least 73 percent Tang

should have been allowed to have a personal electric fan on stage when he debated Gov. Rick Scott, who might also be Lord Voldemort.

Seriously, this is the issue that we are talking about. Because we have NO OTHER PROBLEMS here in the Sunshine State.

HEY, WE'VE ALREADY REMOVED OUR BELTS AND SHOES

Do people really have sex in airports?

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS WHAT STATE THEY MOVED TO

Where are they now: Balloon Boy five year anniversary

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

GUYS IN ACTION

Advert of woman’s breasts posted on side of van causes 500 car crashes in just 24 hours

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WHEN THE *HELL* ARE WE GOING TO BAN THOSE THINGS?

There has been another burrito assault.

(Thanks to R & L Stevenson)

YIKES

Doctors extracted a tropical spider that had burrowed itself into the scar from Dylan’s recent appendix removal.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "Bali AIIIIEEEEEE!")

SERIOUSLY?

An ebola dish.

"Hand washing recommended."

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

KIND OF LIKE FACEBOOK

Study shows lemurs use communal latrines as information exchange centers

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

After all the attention it received, experts have said that the odd-looking organism caught by Ong Han Boon is actually a Basket Star.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Note that this blog is in no way ridiculing the name "Ong Han Boon."

WE CERTAINLY HOPE SO

Will a Bolivian politician eat his watch?

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

JOURNOLISM

Spelling error identified on new Ernie Pyle sculpture

(Thanks to J.R. Absher)

DON'T MAKE THEM USE THE SELTZER BOTTLE

Professional Clown Club Attacks 'American Horror Story' Over Murderous Character

(Thanks to ImNotDave and Ron Weil, who says he saw Professional Clown Club open for Midnight Oil)

THEY DON'T NEED THESE SKILLS. THEY HAVE APPS.

The study found that many more of the baby boomer generation possess skills such as sewing, hemming, button repair and general laundry knowledge than Americans 18-33 years of age.

(Thanks to Monique)