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September 26, 2014


Man tried to smuggle 51 turtles in pants across border

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan, Mac Alister and Allen at Division)


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There is nothing lower than a turtle smuggler.

I saw Turtles in Pants open for Zappa.

ok, i just read that as 'snuggle'

Is that a turtle in your pocket, or..

- & why were the turtles all wearing pants anyway ??

At the fed's request, I investigated some illegal turtle tradin'. My superiors wanted to know the source for the masked invaders. It had been a thorn in their sides, a rock in their shoes, and they wanted to close it down at the source!
It was a long, arduous task 'cause I had to go to the guy with the turtles and ask him. And he was two towns over.
Then I was able to report: Go to a website called Google. Type in "Turtle Sales". Hit "Enter". Print out list of illegal sales sites.

I like those little chocolate, caramel, nut clusters. I woudn't keep them in my pants though.

Four of the little critters were caught with weed in their pockets. They said it wasn't theirs and didn't know how it got there. All 51 produced little Florida Drivers Licenses from their wee wallets.

I think I was in line behind those guys. Just waiting for them to take off their belts for the metal detector was unbearable.

Obviously a case of species discrimination. Does Donald Duck have to wear those things for TSA?

Mutant teenagers I bet.

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