Dave Barry's Blog

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Hello Kitty is not a cat

(Thanks to Ralph)

UPDATE FROM... OK, WE DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW

...which is OK,because of our strict policy.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

AND YET IT MAKES AN IMPORTANT CULTURAL POINT, NAMELY: IT'S FUN TO THROW TOMATOES!

Watch The Epic Spanish Tomato-Throwing Festival

(Thanks to The Perts)

WOMEN

Giant panda ‘faked pregnancy for extra treats and nicer accommodation’

(Thanks to coscolo and mschingo)

APPARENTLY SHE'S A SOUND SLEEPER

Winchester woman finds 3ft wasp nest on bed

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THEY'RE TERRIBLE DRIVERS

Spiders force Suzuki to recall more than 19,000 cars

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE HAVE ALWAYS ASSUMED SO

Is the Universe a 2D Hologram?

(Thanks to Ross Holley)

WE'RE #23

But we're still honored.

(Thanks to Ellen Hinsch)

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS THE GENDER OF THIS FAN

Fan gets Seattle Seahawks logo on prosthetic eye

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

ME WANT

Meat Mountain.

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE ON CIVILIAN FEET

Belgian woman accused of puncturing man's thigh with heels at Gansevoort Hotel

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NAME THAT STATE

A man is under arrest for allegedly driving a lawn tractor while intoxicated on a busy street.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HE IS WELCOME IN THE WATERS OF MIAMI

Federal authorities say an East Texas man has admitted to deliberately driving his $1 million car into Gulf waters so that he could collect insurance on the vehicle.

Advisory: Bad words on video.

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

WHILE YOU'RE OUT, PICK US UP A PACK OF BEER

The 7-foot-long (2.13-meter-long) pack consists of three rows of 33 cans that tip the scales at 82 pounds (37 kg) and will likely have a retail price of about $99.

(Thanks to Kellie Dubé)

WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH THE WEEK

Time to get productive.

Advisory: Autoplay soundtrack.

(Thanks to Gwen Harrell)

IT PROBABLY SEEMED LIKE A FINE NAME WHEN THEY THOUGHT IT UP

However.

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

IT WAS A CONSENTING MATTRESS

Naked man busted watching porn, having sex with mattress outside old people's home in North Ireland

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GUYS IN ACTION

A MAN believed to have been kidnapped sparked a major police search before it was revealed he was lying so he could stay late at a party.

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Man fires gun at couple in Pioneer Square for interrupting his tryst

The suspect was described as being an older man with white hair wearing a tuxedo, according to the police report.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

JOURNALISM

Arkansas police chief resigns after calling reporter 'smelly'

(Thanks to Bill Moore)

This blog does not wish to draw undue attention to the reporter's name.

BUT A MUCH HIGHER RATE OF PIZZA CONSUMPTION

Study finds less domestic violence among married couples who smoke pot

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

CSI: CANADA

"The only thing that appears to be taken is silly string, so, someone wanted silly string."

(Thanks to Ralph)

SAD BUT TRUE

Burp.

(Thanks to Ellen)

WELL IT *WAS* TINKY WINKY

Mizzou Fraternity Accused Of Title IX Violations For Dancing Teletubby

(Thanks to PapaJohn)

FRANCE ETC.

Loose moose gets stuck in Siemens office in Dresden

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

We saw them open for the Strawberry Alarm Clock.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

CBS Slapped With Lawsuit Over Farting Hippo From ‘NCIS’

(Thanks to Mr. Ted Habte-Gabr)

KANSAS: LAND OF FREEDOM

Why it's legal to walk naked in Topeka

(Thanks to funny man)

CAT TERRORISM UPDATE

Crazy cat terrorizes neighborhood

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Better hope it's not this one:

(Thanks to Don Faber)

THE WEARY WORLD REJOICES

LobsterCam in Halifax harbour is live once again

(Thanks to The Perts)

MIAMI

This is from Gene Singletary, native Miamian, caterer extraordinaire and longtime friend of this blog:

This is why I freaking love Miami. This morning I went to the Home Depot and there in the parking lot, doing business as if he were the CEO of Home Depot, was a  real live Cuban entrepreneur, making Guarapo, AKA Sugar Cane Juice.  

For $1.00 I got an ice cold drink of pure sugar , complete with a touch of Everglades top soil and swamp water.  Delicious!!

What a country !!!!

Gene

GUYS IN ACTION

Struthers Police arrested two men Saturday evening after witnesses said they pulled their pants down and yelled obscenities at one another in a woman’s front yard, according to a police report.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

LET US CATER YOUR NEXT AFFAIR

China seizes 30,000 tons of chicken feet tainted by hydrogen peroxide

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

DUDE

Naked man damaged cars, kicked officer at hemp festival

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

UPDATE ON THE INSANE PARKING SIGN

It has been shortened. A bit.

(Thanks to Tex)

Update: Link fixed. Judi fired.

HUMOR IMPAIRMENT STRIKES AGAIN

British diplomats apologize for tweets marking 1814 burning of White House with BBQ, cake

(Thanks to The Perts)

THE FRIENDLY SKIES

The fight started on a United Airlines flight because one passenger was using the Knee Defender, a $21.95 gadget that attaches to a passenger's tray table and prevents the person in front of them from reclining.

(Thanks to Jon Harris, wiredog and Focalpoint)

Here's the Knee Defender FAQ. Note the "Courtesy Card."

IS OUR ROAD PAINTERS LEARNING?

Apparently not.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

SEND THESE SIGNS TO WASHINGTON

Insane New Culver Parking Restriction Signs Are 15 Feet Tall

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

BOLO

Man dressed in penguin onesie hunted by police for stealing booze

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S SPREADING

Four drunk holidaymakers were chased by police for 30 minutes after they stripped off and ran around Dubrovnik naked.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

GIVING 'TIL IT HURTS

A GROUP of Japanese porn actresses are preparing to have their breasts squeezed by fans for 24 hours this weekend for a charity event loosely translated as “Boob Aid”.

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez, who says "Better than the ice bucket challenge.")

DON'T DRINK AND STRIPE

Bad lane striping causes confusion on I-66

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SCIENCE

The video points out that urine is almost entirely made of water, sodium and chloride, which are already found in large quantities in the ocean. Pee does contain a tiny bit of the waste product urea, but the amount is minuscule compared to the 350 quintillion litres of water in the Atlantic Ocean alone.

(Thanks to The Perts)

'A BIT LIKE PORK'

Cambodian rat meat: A growing export market

(Thanks to George Byars)

FRANCE ETC.

Austrian political party issues a garden gnome alert

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

Cocaine Tamales

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

MAYBE EVEN WITHOUT THE VEHICLE

"We highly encourage Mr. Bieber to stay off the sidewalk and remain in traffic."

(Thanks to funny man)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

A 31-year-old Utah woman faces arson charges after police say she left a pound of bacon burning on her ex-boyfriend's wood stove in a bid to get back at him, KSL TV reported.

(Thanks to The Perts)

NAME THAT STATE

Man shoots at strip club

(Thanks to funny man, who says "the building was asking for it.")

FUN GAL

Chinese Woman Addicted to Dog Hair Has Eaten 1,000 Hairballs in the Last Two Years

We're thinking she'd be perfect for this guy:

Richard Gibson Has Kept All His Nail Clippings In A Jar -- Since 1978!

(Thanks to Ralph)