Dave Barry's Blog

THEY SHOULD REPLACE THE PLAYERS, TOO

A struggling Korean baseball team have invented a novel way to improve atmosphere at their matches - by bringing in a crowd of robot fans.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

GUYS

Underpants bomber failed in mission to blow up airliner 'because he wore same pair of underwear for two weeks'

(Thanks to Craig Roberts and Another Ralph)

FLATHEAD COUNTY: WHERE THE CRIME WAVE NEVER BREAKS

8:30 p.m. A pizza delivery guy walked into an elderly man’s house to find that the man “looked dead” and was surrounded by flies. The delivery guy assumed the man had expired, left the residence and had his manager call 911. The man was only sleeping and stated that he no longer wants his pizza.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Man in road rage incident run over by own truck

You will never guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Bob Brogan)

 

THE BAD NEWS IS, THEY EAT PEOPLE

In Alaska, wood frogs freeze for seven months, thaw and hop away

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

FRANCE ON HIGHEST ALERT

Russians lose control of gecko sex satellite

(Thanks to Jeff from Pittsburgh and Warren Anderson)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Moose Spit is Antifungal

(Thanks to Bart)

We saw Moose Spit and the Antifungals open for the Monkees.

SPEAKING OF HISTORIC THINGS IN IDAHO

Here's Ridley with his truck:

OK, I CAN DIE NOW

In the picture below, I'm in a very nice house near Sun Valley, Idaho, holding a Gibson guitar. This guitar currently belongs to a friend of the fellow on the right, my old friend Josh Kelly, a wonderful guy and terrific musician who, out of the goodness of his heart, routinely risks his reputation by serving as drummer for the Rock Bottom Remainders.

The previous owner of the guitar was...

OK, I'll tell you after you look at the picture:

This guitar used to belong to John Lennon.

By the way, the red-white-and-blue guitar on the stand behind me used to belong to Buck Owens.

I don't know what these guitars are worth. Probably less, now that I have touched them. But still.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Ten years ago today was the meeting that led to the first BlogWedding and (eventually) the first BlogBaby. (No, not Dave and Ridley. NTTAWTT.)

SCIENCE

Researchers in the Department of Urology at Leiden University Medical Center in the Netherlands pooled and analyzed eleven studies comparing the effects of sitting versus standing on three key "urodynamic parameters": maximum flow rate, voiding time (the time that it takes to pee), and post-void residual volume (the amount of urine remaining in the bladder).

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WHOA

Americans like Jar Jar Binks more than Congress

(Thanks to Roberto)

NAME THAT STATE!

Thieves in undies steal cookout fixins from restaurant

(Thanks to Ralph)

GO BEYOND LAWN FLAMINGOS

Giant ketchup bottle up for sale in southern Illinois

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

IT WAS ASKING FOR IT

The man — who appears to be intoxicated — can be seen ducking, diving and punching the temporary bus stop in North London.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BEAVERS

Trying to get inside.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts, Woozy Barnes and Rich Steurer)

PEOPLE WHO KNIT

Arguably, the craziest people on the internet, unless there's some unknown not-crazy thing about knitting toilet paper.

(Thanks to Cindy K., who claims to recognize "when to stop" and then offers to knit one of these for The Blog)

SPEAKING OF JESUS

A Florida driver's license is on its way heavenward.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who'd better make room in the handbasket for Peter Metrinko, who sent us the following...)

Jesus tweet

OR KENNY ROGERS

'God' seen in photograph of clouds over Norfolk - but it could be Sean Connery or Karl Marx

(Thanks to Ralph)

ALL PART OF THEIR EVIL PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION

Prince Charles given toy squirrel as birthday present for George

(Thanks to ubetcha)

THERE IS NO ALERT LEVEL HIGH ENOUGH

British inventor builds giant 'fart machine' to fire at France

(Thanks to Andy the TropicHunt.com Guy, Richard, and David Emery) 

 

TRADITION

AND HE IS EXCITED 'TO THE VERY CORE'

According to the Guinness World Records, Lee Weir's 41 Homer tattoos are now verified for the "most tattoos of the same cartoon character tattooed on the body."

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

IT HAS COACH AND BUSINESS CLASS

World's largest aquatic insect specimen found in China

(Thanks to John Gregg and Bill Hudgins)

GUYS IN ACTION

“He walked maybe six feet in the door when he pulled his shorts up, something caught the trigger and the gun discharged into his leg.”

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE ARE NOT SURPRISED

Workers sickened by gas leak at Boulder burrito company

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Allen at Division)

WE SAW THE ACTUAL BEETLES OPEN FOR HERMAN'S HERMITS

George Harrison Memorial Tree Killed by Actual Beetles

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Mike Ester, Jon Harris and Sharon Chapman)

CSI: WISCONSIN

Appleton bar ends 'Lingerie Night' after kidnap attempt

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THIGH SHOOTING CANNOT BE FAR OFF

Alexander Kristoff snatches stage victory from brave Jack Bauer 

(Thank to all y'all)

READING IS FUN*DAMENTAL

Learning to Play with a Lion's Testicles: Unexpected Gifts from the Animals of Africa

(Thanks to Jon Harris, who does not explain what book he was looking for when he found this)

AS SEEN ON TV

Because we're too far out of shape to leap up and change the channel in time.

ME AND JUSTICE BREYER

I'm attending the Sun Valley Writers Conference -- which is every bit as gruellng as it sounds -- and last night I was at a dinner with some of the other writers, including U.S. Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer. I took the opportunity to share with Justice Breyer some of my thoughts on constitutional law, and as you can see, he was intrigued.

I made one point so thought-provoking that it caused Justice Breyer to assume a pose of extreme thoughtfulness.

Don't thank me. I'm just doing my job as an American citizen and an English major.

(Photos by Scott Turow, with direction from Hector Elizondo. Really)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

A self-styled sangoma from Chief Nyajena area in Masvingo yesterday appeared in court for allegedly setting his uncle’s house on fire because it had goblins.

(Thanks to Ralph)

YUM

(Thanks to Joe in Japan, who says "We call them 'chitlins,' I believe.")

WE NEVER TRUSTED THEM

"Morning people", who are more alert early in the day, are more likely to cheat and behave unethically in the night hours, researchers say.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Harvard students’ invention puts cake in a can

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Cornhole champions being decided in West Virginia

(Thanks to Ralph Jones)

NATURE

Blue tits make home inside pig's head

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

UPDATE

ALWAYS HAVE ONE ON YOUR PERSON

Man's life saved after laptop shields crossbow arrow

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

DURING WHICH IT TRAVELED AN ESTIMATED SEVEN FEET

A pet turtle is back home in Hay River, N.W.T. after three weeks on the lam.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE WILL NEVER AGAIN VIEW BASEBALL AS BORING

Derek Holland And The Rangers Bullpen Play Fart Bottle Roulette

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BRILLIANT

NAGOYA – A member of the Shinshiro Municipal Assembly in Aichi Prefecture proposed distributing “punctured condoms” to married residents to bolster the city’s dwindling population, the legislature’s secretariat said Friday.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Lolo Jones Wants Her Bobsled Butt Back

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

World’s longest poo belonging to an unidentified dinosaur measures an 'eye-watering' 40 inches - and it could fetch $10,000 at auction

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Jan in Grimsby)

WHERE THE *HELL* IS THE UNITED NATIONS?

More than half of Vancouver bars may be hosing us with smaller pints

Those HOSERS.

(Thanks to The Perts)

OOPS

Road workers smash 1,000-year-old monument

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "Given the phallic nature, I think the words of Steigen's mayor should be noted.")

(The mayor wants to get it up again.)

THEY CAUGHT IT, THEN THEY *RELEASED* IT

So-called testicle-eating fish found in Sarasota waters

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

KINKY

FAA Investigates New York Congressman's Drone Wedding Video

(Thanks to coscolo, who says "I didn't know people could marry drones.")

SOUNDS OMINOUS

Robots should be used more to tackle shrinking population

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)