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July 31, 2014

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A GUY IS IN CHARGE OF CLEANING THE BATHROOM

An Indian man got a shock when he went to take a shower - and almost stood on a huge crocodile that was hiding in his bathroom.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

WE CERTAINLY HOPE SO

Was Six-Million-Year-Old Turd Auctioned for $10,000 a Faux Poo?

(Thanks to Ken Fineberg)

THEY HAVE THEIR REASONS

A Massachusetts couple have filed paperwork in an effort legally change both of their middle names to "Seamonster."

(Thanks to ASK)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR PHISH

Dead anchovies delight sea birds, disgust Oregon beach town

(Thanks to Ron G)

THE FRIENDLY SKIES

The warning from the flight attendant that sniffer dogs and quarantine officers were on standby in Sydney prompted a rush to the plane's toilets

(Thanks to Ron G)

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

A man is attempting to push a Brussels sprout up Snowdon with his nose.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

July 30, 2014

ONE BY ONE THEY ARE STRIPPING AWAY OUR FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS

Naked Man On Leash In W. Va. Could Face Charges

(Thanks to DaninDallas and John Mayson)

MAN'S BEST FRIEND

A dog owner discovered his pet Newfoundland had swallowed a £500 watch when the alarm went off inside the animal.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

UNFORTUNATELY...

...our strict policy prohibits us from linking to this item.

(Thanks to Harry Farkas)

YES

Dear Mr. Barry:

In Placitas, NM, this year we have a bumper crop of lizards. On Monday, as my wife and I were returning home, a large lizard appeared on our sidewalk, raised its tail, and pooped. I had never seen this before. I thought to myself that this is a rude lizard. Later I thought that this might be a good name for a rock band: Rude Lizard. Do you agree?

Edwin Macy

YOU KNOW THE COUNTY

9:49 p.m. A woman with a phobia of snakes called 911 to report that a snake was attached to her dog and when her dog ran into the kitchen the snake detached and, at the time of the call, was slithering around on her kitchen floor.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

McDonald's Japan Just Rolled Out Tofu McNuggets

(Thanks to John Gregg)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Hundreds of grazing goats get loose in E. Boise

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

IS OUR TV NEWS PEOPLE LEARNING?

Evidently not.

Louis-slungpue

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

GOOD! WE THINK.

Tring 'poo' pong 'not human waste'

(Doo-dah, doo-dah)

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

 

HE SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT OUT OF SIGHT

MAX REGER’S ORGAN IS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

BE ADVISED, LADIES

Turkey Deputy PM Says Women Shouldn't Laugh in Public

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

This just in.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

July 29, 2014

TERRORISM UPDATE

Breast-feeding moms take over Oklahoma park

(Thanks to Bob Brogan, who says, "Key line: 'Plenty of dads came out for moral support.'")

Y'ALL ARE KIDDING, RIGHT?

Oak Ridge cancels class to reduce Southern accents

(Thanks to Rick Day)

EW

Just, ew.

Advisory: Ew.

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER THE BUSHES PRODUCED VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Hickory police arrested a Connelly Springs man after a store manager spied him talking to bushes Monday, officials said.

(Thanks to funny man)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

300 in brawl at New Jersey wedding

(Thanks to funny man)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Germany performed the most penis enlargements in the world last year

(Thanks to funny man)

APPETIZING

Restaurant hires girls to walk crabs

(Thanks to Ralph)

THIS CALLS FOR A WEEK OF INTERNATIONAL DRUNKEN CELEBRATION

George Michael hints at a Wham! reunion with bandmate Andrew Ridgeley

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby, who says "The line forms behind me.")

WHAT THE *HELL* IS GOING ON UP THERE?

Canada: Bird-plucking woman clears train carriage

(Thanks to Howard from Broward and The Perts)

OZ

At least four prisoners in Darwin are suspected of repeatedly escaping the prison, getting drunk, then voluntarily returning to the facility in the hope no one would notice.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

When a sergeant asked Medina why he hadn’t stopped, the suspect reportedly said: “I didn’t find it necessary.”

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

This Bluetooth-Enabled Vibrator Might Bring Us Closer to Computer-Engineered Orgasms

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IF YOU'RE ON TV AND YOUR PHONE RINGS

This.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby, who says, "If this call was from his significant other...")

ELSEWHERE IN CANADA

Beaver 'still at large' after felling large tree that collapsed on car

On orders from the squirrels, of course.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE DONT CARE WHAT THE DAMN CONSTITUTION SAYS: THIS MAN NEEDS TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT

Crack-smoking Toronto mayor Rob Ford just can't help himself as he opens a children's playground with his brother

Article-2708775-2011AAB500000578-768_634x385

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and Jeff Meyerson)

A PROBLEM WITH 'HEIGHT DIFFERENCE'

Freddie Prinze Jr.: 'Unprofessional' Kiefer Sutherland Almost Made Me Quit Acting

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Richard Klinzman, who says, "Incredibly, this did not warrant a bullet in the thigh.")

July 28, 2014

'TO THE MUTUAL SATISFACTION OF ALL PARTIES'

Chubby Checker, HP settle lawsuit over penis-measuring app

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Liverpool giants: Thousands visit 'farting' Grandmother

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

A JUNIOR FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Authorities say the 3-year-old boy who was wearing only a diaper climbed into the Jeep Tuesday evening and knocked it out of gear. Witnesses say it rolled down the street, through an intersection and into the house, causing minor damage.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

IT LOOKS... SCROTAL

Finally, a chair that replicates the look, feel, and smell of human flesh

(Thanks to James Fitzwilliam)

MEANWHILE IN THE NATION'S CULTURAL CAPITAL

A man dressed as Spider-Man was arrested on charges he slugged a police officer who told him to stop harassing tourists in Times Square.

Lawyer for Times Square Spider-Man who punched cop asks for 'low cash bail'

Times Square Alliance Calls For ‘Rigorous Licensing’ Of Characters

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Jeff Meyerson and Focalpoint)

ALL HUMANITY HEAVES A SIGH OF RELIEF

 Russia Regains Control of Gecko Zero-G Sex Satellite

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS ARE BEHIND THIS

Weaponized rabbit poo powers this doomsday flamethrower

(Thanks to Ralph)

We saw them open for the Troggs.

July 27, 2014

MIAMI

A Lively City

IDAHO

It ain't just potatoes. 

Idaho

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Husband e-mails wife 'no sex' spreadsheet

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

NO DOUBT

The most anatomically correct 'vagina pants' you're ever likely to see

(Thanks to ASK, who says, "No, it was not a search result.")

FRANCE ETC.

The Midwest Mayfly Invasion

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

ENTICINGLY NAMED JAPANESE BEVERAGE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

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(Thanks to Joe in Japan, who says, "I bought it at my nearby convenience store just in fact for the photo. Not sure if I will drink it since it could be a refill for something. Or the name of a film I might have seen in college. Hopefully it is a before and not after.")

WE GOT OUT JUST IN TIME

CROUCH, Idaho (KBOI) -- What the heck is this thing?

140725_crouch_photo2

Edgar?

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

July 26, 2014

FIRST WOLVES, AND NOW THIS

The responding officer called Fish and Game. A conservation officer found the elk, which appeared to be stressed. Fish and Game says people were getting too close and trying to take "selfies" with the animal.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

SEND HIM TO WASHINGTON

Gas station clerk with MMA training surprises thieves

(Thanks to Steve Kennedy)

 
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