24: THE FINALE

Here is where we stand as we finally head into the SEASON FINALE THANK GOD:

Jack Bauer and highly competent agent Kate Morgan are on the trail of Jack’s evil torturer nemesis Cheng, who has gained possession of the Magical Override Device, which has the power to launch any weapon from any nation anywhere on Earth as well reverse the Earth’s rotation and make long-distance phone calls for free. Cheng is working for the Russians, who have used the Device to put the USA and China on the Brink of War, and the EARTH IS DOOMED BWAHAHAHA unless Jack can save it with the aid of Agent Kate Morgan, who as we pointed out earlier is remarkably competent.

Chloe escaped from captivity by performing Chloe Fu on some of Cheng's henchdudes and is currently hiding in one of the many dense wilderness forests found around central London. We assume that tonight she will join forces with Jack and of course Agent Kate Morgan.

President William Devane, having fully recovered from death, is breaking new ground in the field of comically overdelivering his lines. In the preview for tonight's episode President Devane is seen collapsing, and he can't even do that believably. Meanwhile his annoying yet tedious daughter Audrey has fallen into Cheng's hands. In the last episode she held a secret meeting with a Chinese person for reasons we do not totally understand, after which Cheng's snipers wiped out EVERYBODY BUT AUDREY WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE WRITERS?

Critics are saying there will be a major shocking plot twist tonight, and the missing 12 hours will be explained. Also according to the preview there will be a coffin. We don't know who's in it, but we have our suspicions.

Speaking of dead: Edgar still is.

Be sure to stay tuned in the comments afterward for the recap by the only person on Earth, including the writers, who actually understands the plot: The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: The shocking plot twist is: Red velvet cake! No, wait, sorry. Too soon.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer just won the Home Run Derby, which has not even started yet.

UPDATE: If Jack Bauer competed on Master Chef, he would literally carve up the judges and THEY WOULD STILL VOTE FOR HIM.

UPDATE: "Sit." Good Audrey!

UPDATE: "We're condemning Audrey to death for nothing." FINALLY.

UPDATE: When Chloe offered to get Jack the schematics, that was HOT.

UPDATE: Wait... we own Okinawa?

UPDATE: The Ship Captain is wearing a Halloween Ship Captain outfit.

UPDATE: He manipulated Chloe. The bastard.

UPDATE: What if Audrey has to pee? (Doo-dah, doo-dah.)

UPDATE: "I'm gonna need you to draw the sniper's fire." This is why we love agent Kate Morgan.

UPDATE: THIGH! 

UPDATE: "My comm is open." Chloe you SLUT.

UPDATE: Is that Windows 8?

UPDATE: Why would the sniper fall OUT of the window? Wouldn't the laws of physics... Oh, never mind.

UPDATE: Audrey's thigh wound is already healed.

UPDATE: Oh, wait.

UPDATE: Well, we won't have her to kick around any more.

UPDATE: Jack is so sad he might not be able to go on killing people by the dozens.

UPDATE: Oh, wait.

UPDATE: Fire Extinguisher Fu!

UPDATE: Jack really DID win the Home Run derby!

UPDATE: Plot twist headed our way.

UPDATE: 12 hours later!

UPDATE: Aw. President Devane.

UPDATE: The Russians are in a WORLD of trouble now.

UPDATE: Well THAT was certainly... something.

Take it, The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[BevfromNYC]

So why does Audrey get a military funeral?

[Pat F.]

OK, that's dirty pool, show.

[MareBear]

Um, why does she get a flag?

[funny man]

Heller seems to have multiple lives also.

Wait...major plot twist!!!

[ligirl]

ah, sweet forgetfulness

[Renee (the First)]

"Yeah, my daughter died, but hey, I'm gonna forget all about it!" Okay, then.

[danceswithvowels]

I won't remember the poo running down my left leg ...

[bleeeper]

Will he remember to buy gold and silver?

[kleeeper]

memories,from the corners of my mind...

[Gennita Low]

President Heller is happy he's forgetful.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

STOP THE AWWDREY CENTRIC STUFF!

[nursecindy]

The sunny side of Alzheimer's brough to you by President Hellerorhighwater.

[danceswithvowels]

WHERE IS JACK?!!!

[Pat F.]

Wm. Devane still has it, I gotta say.

[Gennita Low]

And nobody cares about Chloe and Jack except Chloe and Jack.

[funny man]

Maybe there are TWO cChengs....makes about as much sense as anything else...

[bleeeper]

I like Jack's jacket.

[Pat F.]

Jack's going to trade himself for Chloe.

[danceswithvowels]

Welcome to Crapholia
Population: Declining, rapidly.

Enjoy our helicopter visitations!

[LeDud]

Cloey tackle him....

[MareBear]

Jack kills himself once Chloe is safe.

[nursecindy]

Not Jack! Nooooo!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack gave her something.

[JT]

Well, that settles it...Chloe dies in the next series. Sigh.

[KJP]

Oh frack, it's gonna end this way isn't it.

[homeybeef]

Jack: "A Russian prison? Sounds fun!"

[Siouxie]

really????????

[danceswithvowels]

Ah, borscht.

[funny man]

Jack will jumnp from the heli as he leaves a small'
device ....

[nursecindy]

*Shoots* 24 writers.

[Loudmouth]

Only Jack and Chuck Norris could say that.

[Siouxie]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Jack!!

[bleeeper]

Boom!

[ligirl]

a final game of russian roulette

[LeDud]

Helicopter blows up then the clone troopers....

[Pat F.]

Silent clock??

[Roy Campbell]

SILENT CLOCK!?!?!?

[Wes S.]

Silent clock for Jack? What?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Okay, so the twist was...what?

[maryd]

Silent...clock...?

[Trent]

What a dud of an ending!

[funny man]

Boo.I guess Fox forgot to pay the writers so they
didn't write a good ending....

[homeybeef]

That sucked but still better than whatever it was we got 4 years ago

[MareBear]

Damn, that's worse. I'd rather Jack die in a blaze of glory than give himself up.

[danceswithvowels]

Obviously, another season is in the works ...

[Gennita Low]

Hey, he survived Chinese chop prison, he can survive the gulag. Go Jack Bauer! You saved the world again!

[Siouxie]

Seriously crappy ending.

[LeDud]

Seems like a setup for the next season. YESSSSSSS drinks and perimeters for alllll.

[ligirl]

a non-ending : writers were rushin' to squueeze it in 12 episodes

[Wes S.]

Gee, why didn't they just have the Russians' chopper with Jack aboard flying off to the sound of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'," like the Sopranos ending?

It's just about as inconclusive as ending it with a silent clock for Jack, without an actual Jack death...

[bleeeper]

No boom?

[Gennita Low]

Well, I am serious drunk with all the head-hopping. And I have edits to do! Booohoooo.

[funny man]

Well, it may spawn another 24 in 2 or 3 years....

Waiting for The Amzaing Steve to explain this again.

[BevfromNYC]

Hey, at least Chang is dead, right?

[LeDud]

Reminds me of the final episode of the X-files. That one should have had Mulder and Scully getting married but NOOOOOOOOO.....

[Pat F.]

Jeez, you'd never think an episode where Awwwdrey finally bought it would be a letdown.

[kleeeper]

jack: he will be back!

[homeybeef]

Wait... Was that David Tennant with an American accent?

[Gennita Low]

Guys and girls, our reunion party is coming to an end. Boohooooo.

[bleeeper]

No ending - more 24 can come now!

[kleeeper]

exactly! no ending

[Brad]

what kind of ending is that

[nursecindy]

I missed Antiques Roadshow for that ending? Good luck Steve.

[Gennita Low]

I can't make heads or tails of this ending!

[ligirl]

favorite scene: chop suey!

[Dennis]

Next season some terrorist will threaten to attack the U.S. Unless Jack is turned over to them, the U.S. Will trade some prisoner to get Jack back so they can hand him over to the terrorist. Then Jack will escape by ripping out some henchmen's throat with his teeth . . .

[rockin01]

Could that ending have been lazier? Stupider? More anticlimactic? Oh, well- at least it's been fun hanging with the Blogites once again. Love you all.

[LeDud]

2 people just shot in South Bend IN. Local news. Is Jack Bauer here ?

[Trent]

It is a custom
More honor'd in the breach
Than the observance...
...why didn't we observe Jack shooting all the Russians in the thigh???

[val1224]

I'm So Confused!!!!!

[Gennita Low]

President Heller would have forgotten who Jack is by next episode, let alone next season!

[Pat F.]

Amazing Steve, feel free to write one or more alternate endings.

[Roy Campbell]

Well friends, it's been fun. Thanks for your jokes and helping keep me sane this season!

I will have to look forward to hearing Jack's voice in "The Phantom Pain" for now.

[Gennita Low]

They don't want Jack attending Awwwedrey's funeral!

[nursecindy]

I'm gonna miss live blogging this with all of you. You are the funniest people I know and I love you all.

[LeDud]

Guardians of the Galaxy will free Jack. I have a gut feeling.

[Pat F.]

There's gotta be another show that needs our poetry and other commentary. Candidates?

[Wes S.]

Well, everybody, it's been fun! See you next season.

[danceswithvowels]

If the President can remember that long, he ought to bring Jack back in a Rose Garden ceremonial thigh-shooting of Mark. But he'll forget ...

[Gennita Low]

I'm soooo happy to have you guys with me on Monday nights again.
Please come by and visit me on Facebook, if you have an account.
Tooodeloo! (Or, in Jack's case, to the loo!)

[Roy Campbell]

Well said, Pat. Dave, what's your other favorite (except when you're watching it) TV show?

[MareBear]

Homey--Yes. They're bringing over Broadchurch, and because we're stupid Americans and can't handle anything British, they Americanized it to Gracepoint and made him into an American. (Sorry, I'm a bit of an Anglophile. And a David-phile.)

[Pat F.]

GLow, I just sent you a friend request on FB.

[danceswithvowels]

*SNORK* (belatedly) @ Ray Adverb's Camptown Audrey! (Doo-dah, doo-dah.)

[Pat F.]

Thanks, everybody, for the laughs and drinking the past few months. I like living in the future!

[ligirl]

looking 4wrd to the Amusing Steve - he always makes me laugh my head off

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I envy Heller. He's going to forget all of this happened.

[Ford79]

Haiku, concluded.

10:00 PM - 11:00 AM

Hey, wait a minute!
Thirteen hours stuffed into one?
I need more verses!

The blog gets its wish:
Audrey kicks, agent Kate cries.
(Better than reverse.)

Jack rocks, Cheng's head rolls.
The Russians take Jack away.
Will they never learn?

Well, it looks like we'll be doing this again sometime. See y'all then.

[homeybeef]

Thanks, MareBear. I'm sad now.

I would like another season on The Jack Bauer Power Hour just so we can finally get a decent ending to this show but I'd be more than happy to take this as the last season ever. It was actually pretty damn entertaining. On an unrelated note, I had a very large rum and coke during this episode. What did everyone else drink?

[Dead Hencheman]

Well, that was depressing. Matter of fact, it was the most depressing episode of 24 EVAH...

Sigh.

[danceswithvowels]

I can be friended on FB, too, tho I barely spend much time there these days. Twitter's more the thing for now. I won't mention my handle in polite company, or even on this blog (YKWIM!), but my handle right down below this post will take you there ...

[Clankie]

Sit, Ubu. Sit !

[Mapatx]

I waited how many years for that ending?? But finally we are free of Awdrey!!

[Mapatx]

Mark was hopping to catch a ride on Air Force One, slight change in carriers

[danceswithvowels]

Oh, and Glow and Dave and The Amazing Steve are on the twitter, too, among others, if you are so inclined.

But thank you all for being here again! Monday nights realllllly missed you!

[Wes S.]

Mark's just lucky he isn't being shipped home in the cargo bay of AF1, one casket over from his wife.

[ligirl]

navarro's still moling around somewhere, too

[LeDud]

Well done all. I hope ...sniff...sniff...this isn't the end. Amazing Steve will keep us together. He's THAT amazing !

[danceswithvowels]

Oh, Martini Shark, too. Not to mention Chloepatra's alter ego.

[Gennita Low]

I'm heading off to homework but I'll be heading back to check the Amazing Steve's spin.

Love you all. Sob. I'm easy to find on the web. Look under "easy." Heh.

Hugs, all.