24: THE FINALE

Here is where we stand as we finally head into the SEASON FINALE THANK GOD:

Jack Bauer and highly competent agent Kate Morgan are on the trail of Jack’s evil torturer nemesis Cheng, who has gained possession of the Magical Override Device, which has the power to launch any weapon from any nation anywhere on Earth as well reverse the Earth’s rotation and make long-distance phone calls for free. Cheng is working for the Russians, who have used the Device to put the USA and China on the Brink of War, and the EARTH IS DOOMED BWAHAHAHA unless Jack can save it with the aid of Agent Kate Morgan, who as we pointed out earlier is remarkably competent.

Chloe escaped from captivity by performing Chloe Fu on some of Cheng's henchdudes and is currently hiding in one of the many dense wilderness forests found around central London. We assume that tonight she will join forces with Jack and of course Agent Kate Morgan.

President William Devane, having fully recovered from death, is breaking new ground in the field of comically overdelivering his lines. In the preview for tonight's episode President Devane is seen collapsing, and he can't even do that believably. Meanwhile his annoying yet tedious daughter Audrey has fallen into Cheng's hands. In the last episode she held a secret meeting with a Chinese person for reasons we do not totally understand, after which Cheng's snipers wiped out EVERYBODY BUT AUDREY WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE WRITERS?

Critics are saying there will be a major shocking plot twist tonight, and the missing 12 hours will be explained. Also according to the preview there will be a coffin. We don't know who's in it, but we have our suspicions.

Speaking of dead: Edgar still is.

Be sure to stay tuned in the comments afterward for the recap by the only person on Earth, including the writers, who actually understands the plot: The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: The shocking plot twist is: Red velvet cake! No, wait, sorry. Too soon.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer just won the Home Run Derby, which has not even started yet.

UPDATE: If Jack Bauer competed on Master Chef, he would literally carve up the judges and THEY WOULD STILL VOTE FOR HIM.

UPDATE: "Sit." Good Audrey!

UPDATE: "We're condemning Audrey to death for nothing." FINALLY.

UPDATE: When Chloe offered to get Jack the schematics, that was HOT.

UPDATE: Wait... we own Okinawa?

UPDATE: The Ship Captain is wearing a Halloween Ship Captain outfit.

UPDATE: He manipulated Chloe. The bastard.

UPDATE: What if Audrey has to pee? (Doo-dah, doo-dah.)

UPDATE: "I'm gonna need you to draw the sniper's fire." This is why we love agent Kate Morgan.

UPDATE: THIGH! 

UPDATE: "My comm is open." Chloe you SLUT.

UPDATE: Is that Windows 8?

UPDATE: Why would the sniper fall OUT of the window? Wouldn't the laws of physics... Oh, never mind.

UPDATE: Audrey's thigh wound is already healed.

UPDATE: Oh, wait.

UPDATE: Well, we won't have her to kick around any more.

UPDATE: Jack is so sad he might not be able to go on killing people by the dozens.

UPDATE: Oh, wait.

UPDATE: Fire Extinguisher Fu!

UPDATE: Jack really DID win the Home Run derby!

UPDATE: Plot twist headed our way.

UPDATE: 12 hours later!

UPDATE: Aw. President Devane.

UPDATE: The Russians are in a WORLD of trouble now.

UPDATE: Well THAT was certainly... something.

Take it, The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack would have only needed one bullet. Kate is no Jack.

[ligirl]

audrey
worst
actress
ever

[funny man]

Cheng knows! Chloe must be psychic too!

Damn, saved Auwdrey again!!! I was really begining to like Kate until this....

[Wes S.]

Crap, Awwwdrey survived.

[KJP]

Aw crap, I mean yay. Oh I can't lie, crap.

[Wes S.]

...You know, I bet Chloe totally pWned Call of Duty...

[maryd]

Partially defenestrated is better than no defenestration at all.

[funny man]

Cheng pulls a gun at Captain D's 24-hour fish and chips, says sorry to eat and run, but were leaving now

[Pat F.]

YAY!!!!!!!

[LeDud]

ooooo shes bleeding...

[danceswithvowels]

Uh ohhhh...

[Wes S.]

Finally!

[kleeeper]

oh oh

[Gennita Low]

YESSsssss! Awwwedrey got shot! DRINK!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I'm so glad those thin bars were there to protect the sniper.

WAIT! BREAKING NEWS! AWWDREY IS HIT! YESSSSS!!!!

[Trent]

Finally!

[Siouxie]

OH GOODY!! she's SHOT!!!

[homeybeef]

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

[nursecindy]

Audrey's hurt! If they send her to CTU medical she's a dead woman.

[Wes S.]

Go to the light, Awwwdrey. Go into the light...

[Pat F.]

No Awwdrey, don't stay with Agent Kate. Feel free to go.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Don't stay with us, Awwdrey! GO TO THE LIGHT!

[Cheesewiz]

could this be the big twist?

[ZiggyManicotti]

Audrey is . . . . . . DEAD!

[Siouxie]

Praise Jesus! She's dead, Jim.

[Trent]

Our long national nightmare is over!!!

[Loudmouth]

She looks so lifelike.

[LeDud]

I won't imbibe Audreys death. I'll till the next shooting.

[danceswithvowels]

Audrey's not listening to Katepossible's orders... Silent clock.

[BevfromNYC]

Oops...they were just meandering through the park without flanking Audrey.

[Pat F.]

End of an Era, folks, and we lived to see it. YES.

[nursecindy]

RIP Audrey. Unless she's a hologram.

[homeybeef]

About f-ing time

[JT]

It's okay, everyone...same thing happened to R2D2 in Star Wars, and they fixed him up good as new!

[Roy Campbell]

Best season EVER!!

[Siouxie]

Audrey and Edgar...may they R.I.P.

[Wes S.]

...Silent clock. Yep, she's toast.

[Pat F.]

It's official...silent clock and everything.

[ligirl]

***DRIIIIIIINK**** !!!!

[funny man]

Oh, thank you God!!!

Kate is upset but Auwdrey is dead. We hope.

[kleeeper]

well, it was the right thing to do...but jack is going to be vewy sad and angwy

[Trent]

She gets the silent clock???

[MareBear]

Wait, she gets a silent clock???

[Gennita Low]

Oh man, did they silence the clock for Awwedrey? Whhhhhat?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Silent countdown? Was that REALLY warranted?

[Cheesewiz]

Agent Kate Morgan is thinking that her career just took and unfortunate turn.

[bleeeper]

Awdrey is dead? YAY! Long live the Awdrey!

[Siouxie]

I say this calls for a double. *DRINK*

[Ednamode]

Audrey is reunited with Paul Raines.

[homeybeef]

Wait... Don't tell me they wasted the shocking twist on something we've all wanted for a long time... There's more, right? Something more interesting? Interesting for 24 standards, that is.

[Gennita Low]

That Awwwwedrey shot is worth like ten shots of vodka at my house.

[Loudmouth]

Awwdrey catches the Edgar Express.

[LeDud]

How can you all cheer Adrey getting shot ? Maybe the 545 other people shot by Jack...but not a good guy.

[KJP]

Hunh. Not nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be.

[Pat F.]

Agent Kate's only hope now is to kill herself. And pray.

[bleeeper]

I mean, awwww, we'll miss you, Awdwey....

not!

(Yes, I'm bad.)

[funny man]

Where the heck is Jeff M? Is he off tonight?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack's gonna not like this news.

[rockin01]

Awwdry's really dead? I may take up drinking again.

[Gennita Low]

To be or not to be
Awwwedrey
Not to be

[danceswithvowels]

Unlike Tony, Cheng, and anay number of others, Edgar hasn't been resurrected yet. That would be a great shocking ending!

[Trent]

Does this mean President Heller has to drop Audrey from his Sprint Framily Plan???

[Wes S.]

Well...the last time Jack got word that a loved one was dead - back in Season One when he thought Dennis Hopper had whacked Kimmy - he totally went off and killed everybody in sight.

Cheng might live to regret Awwwdrey getting whacked. Briefly.

[funny man]

Andy...lets hope Jack and Kate...well, Console each other. Seems like a better fit than Jack and Auwdrey,
even better than chuck and kate, if you know what I mean...

[Siouxie]

PERIMETER!! *DRINK*

[BevfromNYC]

Hmm I predict the President collapses...3...2...1

[ligirl]

awdwy
we hardly knew ye
... but it was hard

[tropichunt.com guy™]

You bastards. You killed my daughter. You bastards...you killed my daughter.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Uh oh...Jack is about to go Hulk on the Chinese...

[danceswithvowels]

Jack has been ADVISED!

[Cheesewiz]

We don't think that Audrey can still heal do we?

[funny man]

Edgar could be back, as the glowing (nukleeyar) plot twist....

[ligirl]

heller - 'audrey who ?'

[homeybeef]

tears of anger. Oh yes

[JT]

Aaaaaand, now he's mad.

[Gennita Low]

My name is Inigo Bauer. You killed Awwwedrey. Prepare to die.

[nursecindy]

Jack just lost his only Facebook friend.

[Wes S.]

"My name is Jack Bauer. You killed my lover. Prepare to die."

[kleeeper]

oh oh

[rockin01]

LeDud is right to ask "How can we cheer Audrey's death?" I will attempt to answer---Like this: WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!

[Loudmouth]

Jack is going NUUCCUUULEEER

[Pat F.]

Jack handles death by reloading.

[Renee (the First)]

"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Blogits: "THAT'S OKAY!"

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Worst. Plot. Device. Ever.

Writers...don't do this...no...

[danceswithvowels]

HULK SMASH!

[KJP]

Jack is gonna turn green, isn't he.

[Gennita Low]

Berserker Jack!

[funny man]

Bauer does his impression of Rambo! Very good!!!

[homeybeef]

RRRRAAAAAAMMMMMMMMPPPAAAAAAAGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Siouxie]

JACK is pissed now!

[nursecindy]

He doesn't take bad news very well does he?

[Wes S.]

It's beserker Jack! Run away! Run away!

[Ednamode]

JACK IS GONNA RIOT!!!!

[LeDud]

JACK UNLEASHED....Like Anakin Skywalker after he saw his mother dead.

[MareBear]

We should have told Jack this much earlier--think of all the good guys we could have saved!!

[ligirl]

leave it to cleaver !

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jackbo!

[bleeeper]

Berserker Jack!

One good result of "losing" Awdrey

[Pat F.]

Cleavers AND shooting, oh my!

[maryd]

It's personal now!