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June 23, 2014

24

Here is where we stand;

President William Devane is dead. At least we think he is. Evil Terrorist Mom shot him with a missile in Wembley Stadium, which is usually fatal. But bear in mind that back in Season 5, he drove a car off a cliff, and that wasn’t fatal. Also, characters on 24 tend to have remarkable healing properties, although it seems unlikely that this will happen to President Devane, who is now apparently in several million tiny pieces.

Or is he? There are rumors on the Internet that his death was faked somehow -- that maybe he was actually a hologram, possibly created at the last second by Chloe, or that Chloe manipulated the drone camera. And if we can’t believe Internet rumors, what CAN we believe?

In any event, Jack Bauer wants PAYBACK, baby. No more Mister Only Mildly Psychotic Guy. We are very excited about this.

Meanwhile in the mole plot, that guy whom Navarro sent out to get killed might not actually be dead. This is probably very important but we have no idea why.

Agent Kate Morgan continues to be a vital plot element.

Edgar is still dead.

We will be posting updates here as events warrant. Stay tuned in the comments afterward, when the Amazing Steve will make everything clear.

UPDATE: OK, at the moment our cable is not working. We are not going to name our cable provider, which rhymes with Fomcast. All we will say is that WE CURRENTLY HAVE NO CABLE SERVICE FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE THE 337TH TIME, although to be fair it is probably only the 334th. But in any event, if we don't get our service back, obviously we will not be joining you live tonight. This may mean that, rather than forego our commentary, FOX will simply not broadcast tonight's episode. We sincerely apologize. Your call is important to us.

UPDATE: OK, we definitely do not have cable tonight. So we will just do what people did in the olden days, when they did not even have TV: We will slit our wrists.

UPDATE: So I gather from the comments that President Devane is not dead. Good! Except now there will be more Audrey.

UPDATE: So I gather from the comments (SIGFTC) that there was a perimeter. Perimeter! Actually, this is not a bad way to watch the show.

UPDATE: SIGFTC that Jack just threw somebody out a window and I MISSED IT.

UPDATE: SIGFTC (thanks, Jeff Meyerson) that Jack threw Margo AND Ian from the window. So I assume they're dead, but who the hell knows?

UPDATE: SIGFTC that nobody gets the Sprint ads. 

UPDATE: SIGFTC that not a lot of actual stuff is happening.

UPDATE: SIGFTC that Chloe kissed whatshisname and ew.

UPDATE: So I finally watched this episode. Whoa. Excellent Jack action.

 

Comments

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cindy, you're right. Where is the London traffic?

Good thing Jack still has friends back at Langley.

Good luck with this Amazing Steve!

Why are you all making fun of my uncle, Mani Low?

Nuke, nuke, nuke, nuke of earl! Nuke, nuke nuke of earl! Etc! See ya'll next week!

Your uncle is very popular, GLow, or SIGFTBarryBlog.

Dave, yes, "little guild droplets". By which I meant tiny Felicia Days.

ShaNahOohLahLah, Daisy!

"little guild droplets" is an anagram of "stiletto grill puddle", though I don't think that matters.

Damn. Dave picked the wrong week to have Fomcast.

Def, Jeff! The week to have Fomcast was during the vuvuzela eruption.

Favorite quote of the night:

"little guild droplets?"

Posted by: Dave | June 23, 2014 at 09:51 PM

(Sorry for going meta on that)

That is too meta, Tropic!

I think I need to down a half a bottle of vodka very quickly to get all that.

Well, my uncle ManiLow wrote this song for you, Dances!

Can never seem to post during the show, but here's what I gleaned from this episode:

1) After Jack saves her Dad, Audrey gave her husband a look every husband has seen. The "YOU were a big help, WEREN'T you a-hole?" look.

2) Bad guys got perimeters now?

3) Good guys with handguns can still outshoot bad guys with laser-sighted assault weapons. It's the "Man from U.N.C.L.E." rule.

4) So now we have to drink every time Jack throws somebody out a window?

5) Somehow, nothing beats a good mole hunt.

6) I somehow suspect that the rest of the roster of Chloe's ex-boyfriends is not much better than this guy. She just doesn't seem like the "lucky in love" type.

Almost done! Hang in there!

After eight seasons , don't you think Jack would be better at recognizing moles? Sheesh! He needs to attend Remedial Mole Identification Camp.

PREVIOUSLY ON “24” - We saw the make-shift CIA headquarters make an operating room appear out of nowhere; Kate and Jack were into trepanning - Simone, not so much; A baseball cap makes a great disguise; Jordan was paying attention in spy school; If you fly a helicopter anywhere in London no one will give it a second thought; Audrey cried….AGAIN; Completely open soccer stadiums in England with their lights on are just bait - they lay land mines in them at night; Margot and Ian were kind of surprised their plan worked; President Heller finally cracked up and went to pieces.

The following takes place between 7pm and 8pm -

7:00pm – Some needs to turn off the no smoking sign at Wembley. The Prime Minister is overcome with grief as the soccer stadium is blown up. He's also kind of upset about The President, and gives Audrey his condolences.

At make-shift CIA headquarters, everyone's wondering why Margot hates soccer stadiums so much. Kate explains that The President went out for a stroll, and exploded. Steve and Erik can't believe it. Creepy Stalker Guy reports that several explosions happened off the coast of Dover, and those probably weren't accompanied by exploding presidents.

At Margot's House of Stadium Hate, Ian and Margot decide to send the last drone in for a nose dive, since Heller kept his word. They both think Margot's husband (and Ian's Dad), would have loved what they did with the drones, since he always hated soccer too.

Ian decides to play the exploding Heller tape one more time, and notices it has a YouTube logo down in the bottom of the screen! It was fake! Heller probably wasn't there! They try and get the drone back.

HELLER IS ALIVE… or at least a remarkable facsimile of alive. Heller wants to know why he wasn't told about this whole plan. Jack starts to explain that he WAS told the plan, like about 50 times, but he finally gave up… So he tells Heller they couldn't risk it.

Chloe calls! All the drones are down! Yeah! Except for one… that looks like it is turning back. Boo.

Heller argues that he should have died in the first place, since he really wanted off the show. Jack says that he considers it a "good thing" that Heller didn't die. Heller seems confused by this whole "alive" and "dead" concept.

Belachek drives up in a car, and Heller goes to try and take his take-out order. Then he asks to be driven back to the Presidential Headquarters. Jack convinces Heller to "stay dark", so Jack can DO WANT HE DOES… and he runs off to the helicopter.

Heller tries to pull the whole "I am the American President!" ploy on Belachek, so he'll give him a phone to call the Secret Service. Belachek tells him, A) he's not American, B) this is not America, and C) it's a TV show. Heller looks confused.

Jack calls Kate and asks to be patched into the Presidential Suite. Kate says she can't do that since Jack is far away, but can probably do it with the phone call. Jack tells everyone that Heller is still alive, and everyone remarks how easy it is to hear Jack, despite him being in a noisy helicopter. Mark looks particularly happy that he won't be looking for a new job.

Jack tells everyone listening that Margot still has a drone and is probably a little ticked off and will attack London. Audrey says that she once had ticks, but everyone ignores her. Jack goes on to explain that Heller is with one of his guys, and they're probably out drinking somewhere while he takes care of Margot.

Kate asks Jack what he needs, and he says "man power". Everyone breaks into a chorus of "It's Raining Men", but then they go back to normal. Jack tells them he's going to take his quiet helicopter to find Margot, and that everyone needs to help Chloe as best as they can, because she's in a bar with dial-up and a Timex Sinclair.

Kate's worried about Jordan. Steve is MORE worried about Jordan.

7:12pm – Margot isn't worried about Jordan at all, she's more worried about what Ian is telling her about the drone possibly getting shot down. Ian just happens across some footage from the "24" that was shown just a few minutes ago which shows Jack talking to Heller. And a Sprint commercial, which they both agree is annoying. Ian wants to switch to AT&T and "reach out and touch someone", namely Heller, with the last missile. Margot has a better plan… she's going to teach Heller a lesson… in acting! No, my mistake. She wants to blow some people up. That'll teach him!

Commercial

7:17pm – Jack is taking his time flying to Margot, and gives traffic reports as Chloe tries to track where Margot is. She calls Adrian.

Adrian is sitting in his new hide out while people from Best Buy London set up all kinds of equipment behind him. Chloe asks Adrian for help tracing the signal from Margot, since she can't triangulate it properly using the ancient bar technology she's having to rely on. Adrian just happens to have a brand new version of hacking software, which triangulates really well. We can tell his because it draws an actual triangle on the map.

7:20 p – Chloe calls Jack and tells him that if he lands his helicopter on the dot on the triangle, she's pretty sure that Margot will be dead because of a helicopter landing on her. Kate's on the line too, and they're both heading to Margot. Chloe suggests they shut off the power because that'll make it easier to find Margot and it'll tick her off at the same time, because no one likes losing their internet during 24.

Kate and Erik drive up, and she immediately knows this is the right place because people start shooting at her car. There's lots of shooting, and Jack seems a little jealous that he's not there. He tells Kate to take out a junction box that Chloe found while he lands on the roof. He hopes to land the helicopter on the roof too.

Meanwhile, the drone is headed to London, hoping to do some shooting of its own.

Jack lands the helicopter, and as a bonus gift, gets to shoot people right away.

Kate blows up the power box, and in a completely unbelievable display, the power company gets it back online within 30 seconds.

That's just enough time for Chloe to pinpoint the exact floor, room and rental agreement of the location that Margot and Ian are in.

Margot and Ian set the target to Waterloo station. That information is relayed to everyone else, and the Prime Minister calls for an immediate evacuation, because if people don't get out of there and they see that drone missile headed their way, there are going to be many immediate evacuations.

Back at the building where Margot is hiding out, Jack searches for other ways in, while Kate and Erik shoot as many people as possible.

The room where Margot and Ian are hiding out has really great glass because they appear not to have heard any of the shooting or explosions outside. Ian says now would be a great time to get away, since the drone is locked in. Margot really wants to stay, just in case the drone reboots or something. Ian thinks it would be a great time to become like a shepard and get the flock out of there, but after Margot pulls a gun on him, he decides to not get the flock out of there. Margot gives Ian a creepy hug.

On the roof, Jack pulls some electrical cable and ties it to a railing, because he's always wanted to go wall climbing in London. Meanwhile, the CIA guys with armor get shot down in a hallway by some of Margot's guys, while Kate, wearing no armor, doesn't get close to getting shot.

Jack repels off the building, going "hut hut hut" all the way to the room where Margot is. He can tell that's where Margot is because she finally hears a noise, and notices Jack dangling outside the window. Ian shoots the windows out, and foolishly goes to check to see what happened to Jack. Jack grabs Ian, and pulls him outside so Ian can get a better look at the ground, up close and personal. Ian takes this to an extreme and splats on the ground.

Jack climbs into the room. Margot, for some reason, has already put her gun back in her purse and can't get it out in time, so Jack shoots her… for being a terrorist AND for being stupid. The missile fires!

Chloe tells Jack what to do on the computer while he holds Margot in one hand, and types in commands with the other. He grabs Ian's video game joystick and diverts the missile to the water. The missile explodes exactly like the one at Wembley except with less dirt and more water. There are going to be a lot of swimmers that are angry about the hole in the water that's….wait… never mind.

At the presidential suite, they realize Jack saved the people at Waterloo station, and start applauding, even though Jack isn't there to hear it.

At Margot's Hideout of Failed Drone Attacks, she tells Jack that literally tens of people got hurt because of him, with hangnails, and everything. Jack doesn't take this very kindly, and decides to give Margot a flying lesson out the window, just like Ian's flying lesson. It ends the same way, and it's very messy.

COMMERICAL

7:33 pm – Belachek drives Heller back to the Presidential Headquarters, comparing his name to Madonna and Cher. Only as a guy.

The Prime Minister, Mark and Audrey all congratulate Heller on not dying and on ending the show about two and half hours earlier than anyone expected.

Jack is gathering up the equipment and wants to have the override device that Ian was using analyzed. Oh, and Margot and Ian are dead. Like dead, dead. Not like Heller "dead".

Kate and Jack exchange a meaningful, "Wow, isn't it great shooting people?" glances as Jack leaves and Kate gets a phone call.

It's one of the policemen Kate works with "in the field". He says, "I’m standing next to two bodies, and I think one of them is yours". Kate's pretty sure it's not her body, since she's standing in it right at that moment, so it must be someone else. She asks how the guy knows it's someone from the CIA, and he says "he's got CIA tattooed on the back of the neck", just like the clergy do with their diocese in England. Also state credentials in his pocket, which is a dead giveaway. Much like Jordan, who is identified as the dead guy. Kate's shaken up by this. Erik can't believe it either.

Kate calls Steve and he acts surprised that Jordan is dead! And REALLY surprised that The Cleaner's body is there too. People around him want to know what's going on, but Steve acts strangely as he moves away. Steve immediately goes to a cabinet in his glass-enclosed office, takes out a phone in full view of everyone, which if they happened to be looking at him after he acted so strangely, they would have seen... but of course no one sees it.

Steve calls Adrian in a panic, and asks Adrian for help getting out of there. All Adrian wants is the override the device. Steve just has to figure out a way to get it out of there.

COMMERCIAL

7:44 pm – Jack is having a good time flying the helicopter, while Erik and Kate have a much less good time identifying Jordan's body. Using their powers of deduction, the policeman, Kate and Erik decide Jordan and unidentified guy killed each other. They're pretty sure because of all the bullet holes, blood and wrench impressions in heads. Kate asks for Erik's phone because he has a fingerprint-checking app on it, and she wants to know who the heck this unidentified guy is.

Chloe steps outside of the bar and receives a call from Jack. Jack wants her to look at the override device, but she refuses, and tells Jack goodbye. A car drives up, and proving that too much black makeup can do bad things to your brain, she gets in with Adrian, who thanks her for giving him a second chance.

7:46 pm – At make-shift CIA headquarters, Jack arrives with the device. Steve nervously looks on while the device is taken to a different room. Jack learns of Jordan's death and thinks this is really weird, even for 24. Jack calls Kate who sends Jack the fingerprint scan. Steve feebly tries to dissuade Jack from sending the fingerprints to someone who can figure out who the dead body used to be, but Jack isn't buying it. Steve looks REALLY nervous.

COMMERCIAL

7:53 pm - Jack talks to his contact back in Washington, who still hasn't figured out who the guy is. He's even searching Facebook and Twitter. He says he'll call Jack as soon as he knows who the guy is.

The analyst who's been looking at the device is so good that he doesn't even have to touch the thing to realize it can break into any defense system, and it isn't just for drones. Jack wonders if that was really the case, why didn't Margot use it to control nuclear weapons. He's about to say something about that when he gets a phone call from Audrey. Jack leaves Steve alone with the analyst. Audrey wants to talk about how grateful she is that her crying cat collection is safe. Oh, and she's happy about her dad too. Jack receives a life-saving phone call, and is able to hang up on Audrey, because it's his contact back in Washington. He goes off to take the call and hangs up on her.

Steve, meanwhile, decides to give the analyst a very unwanted hug around the throat, making him pass out. No one notices this, even though there are windows all around. Steve takes the device.

Jack's contact tells Jack that the dead guy is really working for Steve Navarro. Jack goes after him.

Steve leaves the building and Jack follows. Steve very stupidly starts shooting at Jack, and we know it's serious because they start using colored green lights everywhere while they chase each other. Steve's a remarkably good runner for someone in dress shoes, and he outruns Jack.

Elsewhere, Chloe gets out of Adrian's car at a gas station, probably to go to the little developer's room. Adrian takes the opportunity to call Steve, who wants to know what Adrian wants to do with the secret "control any defense system" device. They plan to meet at a place nearby.

Chloe gets back into the car and KISSES ADRIAN. Thousands of heads of "24" fans all over the country explode. Adrian and Chloe drive off.

TIME'S UP!

NEXT TIME ON "24"! SHOOTING! ADRIAN HAS THE DEVICE! NUCLEAR SUBS! LAUNCHING MISSLES! CHLOE IS SEEING THE DOWNSIDE OF BEING ADRIAN'S GIRLFRIEND! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!


Heh. He said "immediate evacuation."

Awesome recap Amazing Steve!! Best episode of the season thus far.

Another great recap Steve. I'd love to see the "It's Raining Men" number. Maybe next week.

call Guiness - new defenestration record for a one hour show.

Definitely the best show so far and poor Dave missed it.

Maybe he can "borrow" the device from Adrian and blow up Fomcast headquarters?

Thank you, Amazing Steve. I needed that. And now I want Uncle ManiLow to sing It's Raining Men in his inimitable style!

Looks like I didn't miss anything. My cable was fine so I watched Antiques Roadshow.

Awesome recap, Steve.

And congratulations to whoever said Jack tossing Ian and Margot out the window was "the most Jack Bauer thing that Jack Bauer ever did." Quote of the season, right there.

Also *snorks* at Adrian's finding Chloe's "GPS spot." Also, ew.

Also ew at Audrey's emoting. Just on general principles.

I would give the Russians a fake video of Jack standing in Wembley wearing a cheap halloowee president bill deevane mask as the drone explodes and say he sacrificed himself. that would take chloe about 13 seconds to arrange.

Thanks, everyone! Glad you liked it.

As an aside, those handcuffs on Margot are going to come back to haunt Jack.

My power was off...sob...sob. Thank you Amazing Steve, I now feel I can go on....even with no ice for my gin.....

Steve, are you suggesting that Margot being handcuffed might make Jack's story of her fanatical suicide less plausible? 'Cause jumping through a window handcuffed isn't really that hard. Ummmm... that's what Siouxie says anyway.

padraig, I think when Jack describes the flying lessons he was giving Ian and Margot, someone's going to realize that his suggestion of flapping her legs really hard is going to get him in trouble!

Gots to agree with padraig; a terrorist offering themselves when faced with capture isn't that unusual.

Plus, after participating in a SAM strike of a CIA station, I am pretty sure Jack isn't worried about the fallout from Margot's 'fall out'.

not saying Jack is worried about pushing Margot out the window. Someone else will get all huffy about it though. Probably Mark.

once again jack shows his brawn
making pavement art with ian & margone

Is there a way that Jack can get the IRS Comiss or Ms. Lerner to tell us where the freakying emails are?

Now if we can just arrange for some flying lessons for Mark...

Awesome job as usual, Amazing Steve!

Hello? Anyone? Bueller?

I'm here, and the Black Dot of Doom is, too, but Our Supreme Overlord is not, apparently.

Can you tell I'm suffering from Comma Overuse Syndrome?

OK. We're Advised!

Well, we're here at least.

We'll just have to soldier on, then.

Edgar is still dead.

I gather that the Blog is doing the Copa Mudial thing ...

I think we lost the rest of the blog...

Did you really have to remind me, once again, that Edgar is no longer with us?

So we are here or is there another post somewhere?

Navarro has a perimeter on a stack of pallets.

I miss Edgar.

I really, really hope we see the return of Chloe's taser.

Oh, we are here? And...and...where is everybody? Has the Black Dot of Doom gotten them?

I think Dave got sucked into a black hole of alcohol and soccer, GLow.

Dang, the one time a perimeter works . . .

We're all here, GLow! With Edgar. Fortunately, he no longer smells.

Chloepatra is giving the stare of death.

Low blow, Adrian.

Chloe. Is. Not. Happy.

Don't worry, Dances. I* smell. Just came straight on the computer from roofing! Wow, am I a fan or what.

Is it me, or is Jack running a little slower than he used to?

That's it? The soldier's machine gun only lasted 3 seconds?

Dammit! Drink!

How did Navarro just happen upon someone with a machine gun in London?

Steve is a dumbass. And a weasel.

Haha, he did a dead drop!

GLow - that's the trouble with full auto, one blast and whoops! You're empty.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

(To "Tale as Old as Time", from "Beauty and the Beast")

Tale that's nine hours old
Just three left to go
Plot goes into stall
Then two bodies fall
Unexpectedly

Feel a little odd
Things seem a bit whack
But both are prepared
No one will be spared
Chloe and our Jack

Always is the same
Always an arrest
Always as before
Always lots of gore
As we join their quest

Tale that's nine hours old
Will it ever end?
Awwdrey and her Tate
Fills us with such hate
Hope they're not a trend

But yet there is hope
Writers have our back
Tale that's nine hours old
Our heroes, very bold
Chloe and our Jack

Tale that's nine hours old
Our heroes, very bold
Chloe and our Jack

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™ is cursed, rose or no rose!") and ChloeSack™ ("JackSack™ can be ChloeSack™'s beast to her goth beauty anyday!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "24" intro was brought to you by "Gaston and Le Fou": We're good for nothing, so if you need something done, we're the guys who won't get it done right the first time!

Jack will not be happy when he finds Chloe with the device, I'm guessing.

beeeeper, is that right.

Chloe is having second thoughts

Cellphones work down in Tube tunnels....riiiight.

the beige manbag lives on....

Why are we all in italics? I'm in a Roman mood...

Jack clearly doesn't follow the Stand On The Left rule of escalator riding...

Chloepatra is thinking she might get mummified.

Navarro got Adrian Crossed.

Uh oh. We're all Italian now ...

Heck, I bet Jack's cellphone would work in a nucular submarine sandwich.

Why *are* we all italic tonight?

And WHERE'S DAVE?!?!?

Crap, lemme fix that.

hope this works

Pat F. We aren't in italics. You've been drinking.

Nice job, thc!

Did I fix it?! Cool. That didn't used to be possible.

(Sorry, didn't know we were meeting here, so I was trying to catch up...)

Thanks, Pat!

Hey, tropic, happy you got my message!

It's true, GLow--can't lie. We aren't in italics.

Miss the bloop bloop bloop!

Thanks, Gennita! 8)

(I was complaining to the wife: Do you mean I have to watch the show WITHOUT HUMOR?!?!)

The question now is have we fixed it too much? We'll see...

Jack's gut is talking to him. Too much take-away curry?

Now Kate can look at Navarro and say, "You traitor! Wear this cardigan!"

Jack doubting Chloe?!? Guard your thighs, Chloe!

Without humor, thc? But, but....you've got US!

Issue some perimeters! Or parameters!

(No, that was before I found you all here...)

That's right, President Amnesia...have another drink. It can't hurt, at this point.

President Alcoholzeimers!

Heller's field and ready, too.

Perimatters all around!

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