24

Here is where we stand;

President William Devane is dead. At least we think he is. Evil Terrorist Mom shot him with a missile in Wembley Stadium, which is usually fatal. But bear in mind that back in Season 5, he drove a car off a cliff, and that wasn’t fatal. Also, characters on 24 tend to have remarkable healing properties, although it seems unlikely that this will happen to President Devane, who is now apparently in several million tiny pieces.

Or is he? There are rumors on the Internet that his death was faked somehow -- that maybe he was actually a hologram, possibly created at the last second by Chloe, or that Chloe manipulated the drone camera. And if we can’t believe Internet rumors, what CAN we believe?

In any event, Jack Bauer wants PAYBACK, baby. No more Mister Only Mildly Psychotic Guy. We are very excited about this.

Meanwhile in the mole plot, that guy whom Navarro sent out to get killed might not actually be dead. This is probably very important but we have no idea why.

Agent Kate Morgan continues to be a vital plot element.

Edgar is still dead.

We will be posting updates here as events warrant. Stay tuned in the comments afterward, when the Amazing Steve will make everything clear.

UPDATE: OK, at the moment our cable is not working. We are not going to name our cable provider, which rhymes with Fomcast. All we will say is that WE CURRENTLY HAVE NO CABLE SERVICE FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE THE 337TH TIME, although to be fair it is probably only the 334th. But in any event, if we don't get our service back, obviously we will not be joining you live tonight. This may mean that, rather than forego our commentary, FOX will simply not broadcast tonight's episode. We sincerely apologize. Your call is important to us.

UPDATE: OK, we definitely do not have cable tonight. So we will just do what people did in the olden days, when they did not even have TV: We will slit our wrists.

UPDATE: So I gather from the comments that President Devane is not dead. Good! Except now there will be more Audrey.

UPDATE: So I gather from the comments (SIGFTC) that there was a perimeter. Perimeter! Actually, this is not a bad way to watch the show.

UPDATE: SIGFTC that Jack just threw somebody out a window and I MISSED IT.

UPDATE: SIGFTC (thanks, Jeff Meyerson) that Jack threw Margo AND Ian from the window. So I assume they're dead, but who the hell knows?

UPDATE: SIGFTC that nobody gets the Sprint ads. 

UPDATE: SIGFTC that not a lot of actual stuff is happening.

UPDATE: SIGFTC that Chloe kissed whatshisname and ew.

UPDATE: So I finally watched this episode. Whoa. Excellent Jack action.

 

Comments

[Gennita Low]

Aha! Bring in the Chinese! Now we have everybody!

[nursecindy]

Chloe's eyeliner still looks amazing.

[Wes S.]

Oh goody: The return of the Chinese subplot. To go along with the Russian subplot. And Awwwdrey's torturer, to boot.

[Pat F.]

We need a couple of frogmen to complete the set.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Adrian won't be alive long.

[Melanie]

Thigh shot!!!!

[Pat F.]

THIGH SHOT, AT LAST.

[Wes S.]

Finally a thigh shot! Even if it wasn't Jack shooting!

[Ednamode]

"I'm so glad to see Cheng back!" said by no one.

[emj's mom]

Thigh shot!

[danceswithvowels]

Yay! Adrian's thigh pays the price for Adrian's stupid head!

[nursecindy]

The guy that just got shot in the leg will be okay in about 15 mins.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

THIGH SHOT! DRINK!

[maryd]

Thigh shooting!!!!

[Gennita Low]

How confusing. Now we need Marwan to rise from the dead.

[beeeeper]

So we have the Russian subplot, the Chinese subplot, the Alzheimer's subplot, a couple of mole subplots... I'm probably missing some, but my subplot index generator just overloaded.

[Pat F.]

If Zombie!Nina shows up, this is officially the Greatest Show Ever.

[Wes S.]

We just need Zombie Teri, Zombie Edgar and Zombie Dennis Hopper to complete the set.

[danceswithvowels]

And Zombie Tony with some Carrrrrrne Asada? Need some lasagna, too.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I want to see an ep of So You Think You Can Dance where Jack threatens to shoot the poorest performers in their thighs...

[Pat F.]

And no cougars!

[beeeeper]

thc guy, that would be brilliant

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Gennita: Don't forget Edgar. He needs to riiiiiise, riiiiiiiiiiise....well, given his size, roll over, at least.

[Pat F.]

It's a little late for that, Marky Mark.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Russians and Chinese and hackers and Bauer, oh my!

[Gennita Low]

Buffer configurations! Yum!

[danceswithvowels]

Main Space Invaders screen turn on!

[Wes S.]

Dude, your Kung Pao Chicken breath is freakin' Chloe out. Back off a little...

[funny man]

Chloe was "persuaded" to go on a holiday cruise...via the sub...to China? Somehow Jack will rescue her.
And I miss yall. Was ill last week, this week no links??? this week? What was Dave thinking???

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Having in an open door. As they say in Frozen.

[danceswithvowels]

Don't say that, Adrian. You're not, but I hope to.

[Gennita Low]

Oooh, revenge subplot for Chloepatra!

[funny man]

Will Amazing Steve do his miraclulous recap? I laughed alot and healed fasted because I missed last weeks episode. Steve? Any chance you'll do a summary?

[nursecindy]

Nooooooooooooooo!

[Pat F.]

Oh, that's going to leave a mark.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

He's so smart his brain leaks out of his head!

[Wes S.]

Chloe: "NO! NOT ADRIAN! I WANTED TO KILL HIM MYSELF!"

[danceswithvowels]

Ow!

[funny man]

Ruskies. Offering free bullets and body bags to Jack. Sorry, Jack dont play that game.

[nursecindy]

Finally! Some action.

[Wes S.]

Great time for the Russians to show up. Molodyets, dumbasses...

[Pat F.]

One ping only, Vassily!

[Gennita Low]

I love it when the Chinese talks in English so the one lone hostage can understand them, heeheehee.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Nuclear sub plot!

[Melanie]

The Chinese - The Russians

[Gennita Low]

I think President Heller is going to wish he can forget today.

[Pat F.]

Torpedo go boom.

[beeeeper]

Activate all subplots!

[nursecindy]

Chinese and Russians and Explosions Oh My!

[Gennita Low]

Subplots go BOOOOOM!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

THEY ARE GOING TO SINK THE PLOT!

YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP!

[danceswithvowels]

That was a LOT of shooting.

[Pat F.]

LOL @beeeeper

[Wes S.]

And now a Chinese Carrier subplot.

Well, it's a "sub"plot NOW.

[Ednamode]

BREATHE!!

[Pat F.]

GROAN, Wes.

[funny man]

Ohmygod. Fox really does want to "torpedo" 24????

"You're fired"--guest Star(?) Donald T.
"Hell no"--Chloe.

Jack will get out his Jack sack and swin accross the ocean in three mibutes to rescue Chloe and stop the
device.

[Gennita Low]

So now the English, the Russians and the Chinese are all mad at us.

[danceswithvowels]

So that was totally tubular.

[beeeeper]

This episode has made me dizzy. In a good way!

[danceswithvowels]

Next time: Explosions! Subplots! Soccer!

[Gennita Low]

I think that submarine commander is going to be spending the night with the drone navigator....

[Pat F.]

Looking forward to Tennant playing American.

[Wes S.]

Next week: A weasel hunt.

[Gennita Low]

We need to go back to Wembley, Jack!

[funny man]

Only two epidoses left. Jack gets to pistol whip bad guys and tornadoes are coming to Kansas. Lousy way to watch/blog a Monday,...

[Gennita Low]

Oh, oh, only two more episodes left and EVERYONE is going to show up. Even Edgar. Even Tony, with Chloepatra eyeliner.

[Pat F.]

I think the Wooden Dialog Generator was on vacation with Dave this week!

[danceswithvowels]

The Chinese are telling President Alcoholzeimers that the deaths will be on his head? Like he hasn't already heard that line ten times today...

[Gennita Low]

Is Amazing Steve going to explain all the subplots to us tonight?

[Wes S.]

"Chloepatra."

*Gigglesnort*

[funny man]

First it was El Nino. Then it was the Jet Stremer. Now, the new weather phenom...the Derecher.

Sounmds like a bad meal at the taco place.

[Pat F.]

If only Margot had lived to see this. *sniff*

[danceswithvowels]

Take it away, The Amazing Steve! Assuming you aren't down in Rio, tambien...

[danceswithvowels]

Chloepatra! That's so beautiful it may make my eyeliner run!

[Gennita Low]

Yeah, Terrorist Mom is cackling in hell right now. Her plot was better than she'd planned in life!

[Wes S.]

Next week on "The Last Ship"...oh, wait.

[Gennita Low]

On the gooood ship, Lolipop. Kaboom!

[danceswithvowels]

Roripop?

[funny man]

Speaking of subplots....

Be thankful for these blessings
1) Kim didn't show up...so far
2) Margot didn't cahs in her drone miles.
3) Lassie didn't show up either. "What's that girl?
Chloe's on a sub? Go get the marshall Lassie..."
4) President Allstate should be resurrected in time for the finale...
5) Jack and Auwdrey's love scene was cut

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Favorite line of the night:

KATEPOSSIBLE FOR THE WIN!

Posted by: danceswithvowels | June 30, 2014 at 09:36 PM

[tropichunt.com guy™]

There's a good possibility of "The Good Ship Lollipop" in there somewhere, but I'm sticking with Disney themes this entire season.

[danceswithvowels]

Ah, thanks, Hunt!

[funny man]

Genita:
Heller WILL forget. And he will forget that he actually did NOT sign Bauer's extradition orders.

[Pat F.]

Amazing Steve, we await your brilliance with bated breath. Or baited, possibly with anchovies.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Steve will be coming...hold tight!

[Gennita Low]

Funny Man,
Meanwhile, Awwwwdrey remembers everything, even the night Jack came to say goodbye when she was in the half-coma and her dad told Jack to forget about her.

Lots of weird karma going on here....

[judithebarberho]

PLEASE GO TO THE CORRECT THREAD FOR TONIGHT SO I AM NOT IMMMMMMEDIATELY FIRED :) pleeeeeeease?!

[danceswithvowels]

If it came to it, I think Adrian would probably agree to Jack's demands at this point. Adrian's been increasingly agreeable since meeting the Chinese.

[funny man]

The storms blew over Kansas City...not literally, either, but weather ureau has issued all clear for KC metro so hope St;Louis and all survive,.,,

Steve? Amazng Steve? ARe yoiu here there anywhere tonite?

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Posted in the thread that got put up during the show.