24

Here is where we stand;

President William Devane is dead. At least we think he is. Evil Terrorist Mom shot him with a missile in Wembley Stadium, which is usually fatal. But bear in mind that back in Season 5, he drove a car off a cliff, and that wasn’t fatal. Also, characters on 24 tend to have remarkable healing properties, although it seems unlikely that this will happen to President Devane, who is now apparently in several million tiny pieces.

Or is he? There are rumors on the Internet that his death was faked somehow -- that maybe he was actually a hologram, possibly created at the last second by Chloe, or that Chloe manipulated the drone camera. And if we can’t believe Internet rumors, what CAN we believe?

In any event, Jack Bauer wants PAYBACK, baby. No more Mister Only Mildly Psychotic Guy. We are very excited about this.

Meanwhile in the mole plot, that guy whom Navarro sent out to get killed might not actually be dead. This is probably very important but we have no idea why.

Agent Kate Morgan continues to be a vital plot element.

Edgar is still dead.

We will be posting updates here as events warrant. Stay tuned in the comments afterward, when the Amazing Steve will make everything clear.

UPDATE: OK, at the moment our cable is not working. We are not going to name our cable provider, which rhymes with Fomcast. All we will say is that WE CURRENTLY HAVE NO CABLE SERVICE FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE THE 337TH TIME, although to be fair it is probably only the 334th. But in any event, if we don't get our service back, obviously we will not be joining you live tonight. This may mean that, rather than forego our commentary, FOX will simply not broadcast tonight's episode. We sincerely apologize. Your call is important to us.

UPDATE: OK, we definitely do not have cable tonight. So we will just do what people did in the olden days, when they did not even have TV: We will slit our wrists.

UPDATE: So I gather from the comments that President Devane is not dead. Good! Except now there will be more Audrey.

UPDATE: So I gather from the comments (SIGFTC) that there was a perimeter. Perimeter! Actually, this is not a bad way to watch the show.

UPDATE: SIGFTC that Jack just threw somebody out a window and I MISSED IT.

UPDATE: SIGFTC (thanks, Jeff Meyerson) that Jack threw Margo AND Ian from the window. So I assume they're dead, but who the hell knows?

UPDATE: SIGFTC that nobody gets the Sprint ads. 

UPDATE: SIGFTC that not a lot of actual stuff is happening.

UPDATE: SIGFTC that Chloe kissed whatshisname and ew.

UPDATE: So I finally watched this episode. Whoa. Excellent Jack action.

 

Comments

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP...

Darnit, too early again.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

GAH! THE LINK! MY EYES!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Dave, I forgive you. You can come to my place and make fun of watch the show.

[homeybeef]

So instead of mourning the american president, the British are just going to be pissed off that an American drone blew up their kick-ball stadium.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Darn you, Fomcast!

I can't believe TIme Warner is actually better.

There's only one solution, Dave.

*drinks*

[nursecindy]

Jeff, my cable which rhymes with Time Warner just came back on so I'm not sure how much better it is. I'm particularly upset because it cut off the last minute of Jeopardy and I had to go online to find out who won. Do NOT mess with my Jeopardy!
Also I would live to mention the number 5. For those of you who clicked on all of Dave's links you'll know what I'm talking about.

[Siouxie]

Dang you, Dave. Really? once was not enough???? AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHhh!!

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Lost cable AND satellite earlier. Must be a conspiracy

BUT

It is all back now, so I'm good to go.

Watching MasterChef now, and some guy is torturing his steak with a blow torch. Must be the "24" edition.

[nursecindy]

In my above comment it should say, "I would like to mention.." not live to mention. I'm still upset over Jeopardy cutting off at the last minute.

[Jeff Meyerson]

So does that mean President Devane is now with Edgar and The Hobbit? Or was it just a clever ploy - abetted by Jack - tp escape Audrey?

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Jeff, I vote clever ploy.

[Pat F.]

Phrase of the night from MasterChef: "Flaccid potato action."

[Jeff Meyerson]

cindy, my guess is that it is all the rain you've been having since TWC hasn't gone off here (fingers crossed) for days.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

watching commercials:

Gotta hand it to Taco Bell. They only have a certain number of ingredients, but mix and match to create all kinds of "new" things.

I can see the meeting "Hey, you know... if we just don't give them a tortilla, we can call it a salad!"

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Let me do what I know how to do."

Kill people, one hopes.

[danceswithvowels]

Wow, I'm sensing a great Manilow disturbance in the Manilow force tonight!

[rockin01]

I'm here! Hey, by the way, I've been playing this drinking game with you guys every time, but I never feel anything. Must be something wrong with my iced tea...

[danceswithvowels]

Or it could be the Manilow limp fries.

[Trent]

No problems with cable TV in Chicagoland (yea!)....though I'm waiting to see if our local Fox affiliate will follow up on last Monday night's gripping story about how your Domino's Pizza account may have been hacked, making your pizza preferences public knowledge. Not a word about this important story since then!

[danceswithvowels]

ManilowChicagoland has been advised!

[Pat F.]

Let's do this!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

(To "Can You Feel The Love Tonight", from "Lion King")

[Jack:] I can't see what's happening.
[Chloe:] What?
[Jack:] I know you've got my back.
[Chloe:] Jack?
[Jack:] But if you can't quickly talk to that drone
Heller dies in its attack.
[Chloe:] Damn.

[Russian official, in thick accent:]
Don't discuss Heller with us
[Russian official, accent changes to British or Polynesian...who can tell any longer?]
Nor missles in the air,
Nor about their explosive payloads yields.
Want Bauer. We don't care.

[24 hour news channel anchors:]
Did you see the blast tonight?
The dirt its bursting brought.
Wembley, yet again, won't host the World Cup
It's Heller's funeral plot.

[Jack:]
I did everything I could
In keeping him secure
Can he rise from the dead? Impossible!
That's only my right, de jure.

[Awwdrey]
Jack's holding back, the bastard!
He left my dad to die!
Why didn't he avert that drone missle
By screaming his war cry?

[24 hour news channel anchors:]
Did you see the blast tonight?
The President is dead.
The world is now headed for World War Three
Unless we're all misled.

Did you see the blast tonight?
You needn't switch channels
Selling you our fact uncertainties
With talking head panels.

[Jack:]
And if Heller did die tonight
Off the Earth he's been plucked
[Chloe:]
His friendship days with us are history
[Jack and Chloe:]
In short, we are both *@#$ed!

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™ can't wait to be king!") and ChloeSack™ ("Can ChloeSack™ be Jack's queen? Please? We can divert a missle to make it happen!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "24" intro was brought to you by "Timon and Pumbaa's Grub Shack": You hungry for some grub? Well come 'round the shack! Just remember whatever you eat, tho, we ain't taking back!

[Jeff Meyerson]

OK, time to kill someone, dammit.

*drinks*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Viewer discretion! Drink!

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

someone just advised viewer discretion. See you after the show. Hope the weather stays clear!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Navarro has got to go.

[Trent]

I think the mole has to be working for the Russians....that's how they got the Executive Order involving Jack, right???

[Pat F.]

DANG, thc. That's beautiful.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Explosions! Drink!

[Jeff Meyerson]

I think Ian had an orgasm there.

[danceswithvowels]

"Mr. President, there has to be another way."

[Pat F.]

The Black Dot of Doom is ready, too.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Large divot on Wembley! Drink!

[homeybeef]

The news crews got there in about 10 seconds

[Siouxie]

Personally, I think it's just a flesh wound. He'll be ok...in true 24 style.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Prime Minister Jeeves trying to comfort Audrey.

"Shut up, Fatty."

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Pat, thanks!

[Pat F.]

And the cold shoulder begins...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

The British will never forget. Given time, Heller would have.

[danceswithvowels]

Mr. Prime Minister, could I trouble you to put Mark in the Tower for the next century?

[Jeff Meyerson]

How clueless is Navarro anyway?

[nursecindy]

I still don't think the president is dead and where the heck is Gennita Low? Very nice tropichuntguy.

[Cheesewiz]

Honour among scumbags

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Seriously, there goes the British's chance for a World Cup hosting gig...

[Trent]

It's a loop!

[Jeff Meyerson]

It's a hologram! The internet rumors were true.

[MareBear]

Ohh, there's a tape loop--like speed!

[nursecindy]

I TOLD YOU SO!!! HE'S NOT DEAD.

[Pat F.]

Aha! The Speed Gambit!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hahah! He's not dead! Called it!

[danceswithvowels]

Mahmoud Manilow is looking down on you from above, Mother.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Chloe did it!

[Trent]

A clone to outwit the drone! Lord Tennyson would be proud!

[Siouxie]

HAR!!

[SigBauer]

HOLY COW THEY DID FAKE US OUT!

[rockin01]

Tricky!

[Ednamode]

The President is alive! Repeat, the President is alive!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Son of a bitch!

*drinks*

[rockin01]

They changed the vector, Victor!

[danceswithvowels]

Repeat! Hah, Ednamode!

[nursecindy]

Is London always this deserted?

[Pat F.]

And he's back to not listening to Jack...

[danceswithvowels]

Mr. President, don't make me shoot your thigh.

[Trent]

Get in the car and let me do what I know how to do. YES!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Get in the car, b!tch!

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Somewhere in East London."

"I'll head over there."

That's like saying she's somewhere in South Florida and Jack heading straight to Dave's house.

[Cheesewiz]

Can't Jack run his chopper into drone 5?

[nursecindy]

Well at least somebody is listening to Jack.

[SigBauer]

'I'm not an American! neener neener!'

[danceswithvowels]

What!

[Siouxie]

What are you saying? well..he's not dead, Awwdrey.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Nothing causes a panic like telling people to keep calm.

THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE ALL THOSE KEEP CALM POSTERS!?!?

[nursecindy]

Anybody else have a hard time telling the difference between Audrey's happy face and her sad face?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Can the drone be stopped?

You're the Prime Minister. You should know, moron.

[Pat F.]

Chloe can too do this on her own!

[Cheesewiz]

They still have that spark

[Jeff Meyerson]

Of course Chloe can do it on her own. She has up to know.

[danceswithvowels]

Mark, you're still a dead man.

[SigBauer]

@ Pat

only if she wuz at ctu ...
:-)

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Can you help Chloe...

Like Chloe needs ANY help...

[Trent]

I don't think Jack was actually flying east from Wembley Stadium.......oh never mind.

[SigBauer]

@ dances

we can still hope ...

[Pat F.]

Any doughnuts left over from last week?

[homeybeef]

So I got distracted after the "twist" of Heller being alive. Looks like I missed nothing interesing

[Trent]

Well, I wouldn't call the first 15 minutes "exhilarating"....time for Jack to do some shootin'!!!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Time to leave Waterloo Station, now.

[danceswithvowels]

Dave! Stuff happened, but nobody's died so far tonight.

[nursecindy]

Has anyone thought about giving Evil Terrorist Mom a couple of Midol? She has the worst case of PMS that I've ever seen.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Liars and missiles and drones, oh my!

[Pat F.]

Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to...

[Jeff Meyerson]

I hate that snarky AT&T broad. But compared to that Sprint ad, which will undoubtedly be along later, she's a prize winner.

[danceswithvowels]

This is madness in Blu-Ray!

[Pat F.]

Dammit! Drink!

[danceswithvowels]

Chloe's making the call.

[BevFromNYC]

Still no traffic jams? They've bombed a hospital and Wembley Stadium and no RAF flying around shooting anything in the sky that moves...

[Trent]

Adrian has the new GPS app!!!

[Pat F.]

GPS spoofer? THAT's what it takes to make Chloe smile?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Creepy guy still hasts for Chloe.

And he just happens to have a new GPS Drone Tracker.

Convenient.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Dullest on?! I hope that's not what this show becomes.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Perimeter!

*drinks*