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May 05, 2014


Here is where we stand:

Four years after killing (he had NO CHOICE, DAMMIT) approximately two-thirds of the population of North America, Jack Bauer is a rogue fugitive on the run in London, which is about to be visited by United States President William Devane, who is the target of an assassination plot and is also the father of Audrey, who we assume has pictures of the writers naked with an underage sheep, because there is no other explanation for why she keeps showing up in the plot.

Chloe, who has also gone rogue, is working for some kind of outlaw hacker group.

We don't know this for a fact, but we assume some evil villains are planning to perpetrate some kind of horrendous horror.

Edgar is still dead.

We'll be updating this post during the show as developments develop. After tonight's two-hour episode ends, The Amazing Steve will recap the plot in the comments; he says he'll have a post on the first hour right after the show, and a post on the second hour a little later.

UPDATE: Jack is now an African American! No, wait, that's somebody else.

UPDATE: All the women in the CIA are really hot.

UPDATE: Aparently they are very strict about homelessness in London.

UPDATE: The hoodie!

UPDATE: Beware the Hoodie of Doom.

UPDATE: They now have Jack in captivity, which is EXACTLY WHERE HE WANTS THEM.

UPDATE: President William Devane is uncomfortable with the drones.

UPDATE: We of course already distrust this smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "He's up to something." Ha.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer is also currently doing the samba on Dancing With The Stars. 

UPDATE: The hot blonde is already in love with Jack, and WHO CAN BLAME HER?

UPDATE: Jack is like, "Oh no! Please don't put me in handcuffs!"

UPDATE: OK, I am already lost with this Kate-and-Adam subplot.

UPDATE: "Special activities" sounds like they're going to make lanyards.

UPDATE: Jack has no lines in this. His bare chest does the talking.

UPDATE: They're doing Special Activities on Chloe!

UPDATE: Jack won the samba. There are a lot of wounded.

UPDATE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO she's back, and of course she's married to the smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "Jack. Can I call you Jack?" Seriously? Somebody wrote that?

UPDATE: That was a major Glance Exchange, between Jack and the H.B.

UPDATE: Kate went rogue!

UPDATE: Nobody on this show EVER believes the obviously correct underling. 

UPDATE: How did they get Jack's shirt back on, with the handcuffs?


UPDATE: "You were really something Bauer, back in the day." THIS IS THE DAY, BUDDY.

UPDATE: He speaks!

UPDATE: "Nothing you haven't done." A low blow. Followed by a low blow.

UPDATE: Wasn't that in Pulp Fiction?

UPDATE: Jack didn't kill ANYBODY. He's getting soft.

UPDATE: Jack shot at Kate! It's like foreplay.

UPDATE: She can't say DROP YOUR WEAPON! That's what Jack says!

UPDATE: Always good to have a colleague nearby with an air-to-ground missile.

UPDATE: We're at war with the British?


UPDATE: The chief of staff is up his ass?

UPDATE: Chloe has several new chins.

UPDATE: "I don't have any friends." Aw, Jack. You need to stop killing them.

UPDATE: Drone subplot! Do we know the guy who said "It's done"?

UPDATE: Do we think they're going to start the second hour by recapping the first hour?

UPDATE: We BET you have your own procedures.

UPDATE: Kate has a man on the outside.

UPDATE: Chloe is living in Graffiti Kingdom with a creep.

UPDATE: "That's impossible." "Not for him."

UPDATE: Jack is not going to ask a third time.

UPDATE: "We're doing lots of backtracing, we may need some piggyback servers." We love it when Chloe talks dirty.

UPDATE: That woman has very dark roots.

UPDATE: It's the Drone Control Gang! And they're on shed-yule!

UPDATE: The Drone Control Gang has... a device!

UPDATE: The prime minister's jaw is the size of Montana.

UPDATE: Seriously, cattle could graze on that thing.

UPDATE: The Wooden Dialogue Generator is cranking away here.

UPDATE: Chloe can sulk and type at the same time.

UPDATE: Jack and Chloe, working together again. Aw.

UPDATE: Why are they wearing their overcoats indoors?

UPDATE: It's all gonna go down in West Ealing. 

UPDATE: Military justice moves VERY fast.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Let's go to West Ealing.

UPDATE: Can Chloe cut off that camera? Does a bear poop in the woods?

UPDATE: Is this Jack's first hanging?

UPDATE: "No offense, Mick."

UPDATE: Those guys were seriously outnumbered by Jack.

UPDATE: Jack, once again, gets shot by our side, which lets the real bad guy go. Way to go, our side!

UPDATE: It's been several minutes, so Jack has recovered from being shot.

UPDATE: Jack punches Kate. This is LOVE.



UPDATE: OK, so for now, the plot is about a Device.

UPDATE: Do we think Dark Roots is an agent?


UPDATE: "Mummy's waiting."

UPDATE: Next week: More shooting. Take it, The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE THE NEXT DAY: Don't miss The Amazing Steve's recap, which is... I am searching for a word here... amazing. Here's his secret:



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Jack Bauer gonna Jack Bauer

Gunshots! About time.


They may not be going to Greenland afterall.

In your FACE!

The "music" sounds like helicopter rotors.

When will they learn to listen to Jack?

Great, Russian Geek Squad gets away!

Jack spend too much time aiming and not enough time shooting.

Jack slithered through that curtain like a snake through buttah!

gee...empty van. go fig.

Warranty: Voided.

smoke...curtains...percussion...balconies...speeding vehicles...

all the ingredients of a dialogue-free interval so the WDG can cool down.

Get the president Ginko beloba, STAT!

Significant Cell Phone left behind!

And shooting!!!


Oh no Jack got shot?

Sorry, Blondie. You've been Jack-smacked!

No one shoots Jack and gets away with it!

Hot Blonde is hunting the wrong guy.


Jack's been shot..twice. No biggie.

Trust me! DRINK!

jack just ate a bullet through his arm

Jack's down. But in 30 seconds he'll be good as new.

"NO one can destroy the Bauer Power"

Finally, Jack has a wound from which to draw strength!



Jack will heal before the commercial is up.

Bashir??!! .... I bet that guy hates on Sarah Palin!

He will be healed in no time!

@ Greg

well played msnbc reference

And there is your Vicki's Secret ad.

So now Jack now gets in some foreplay with his new girl...

The Drone Device is still out there because of Cardigan Blondie, dammit!

Jack was shot? Yawn. Wake me up when someone real bites it.

How ome they never turn on the lights?

Sorry, Diva...just saw the remark in passing...

I think CTU could use so e of those Huizenga school graduates. (For SoFla folks)

Arctic Al, jack getting shot IS foreplay...for him.

AND the scene ends with a Jack DAMN IT!

See? he's perfectly fine.

Kimpossible hugging time!

@ Genn

no one knows where the switch is

Stone-a-crow. My Dad's Volvo. Bonus 'Dammit'. Dad used to say that a lot when he was in the Volvo.

And he's up and healed! Blondie's in trouble now.

Creepy underground parking lot or creepy jail?

Must be the basement of WM SNITHS....

Jack punched Blondie!!!!!!! Yay! Drink!

Jacks arm seems fine to me. Told ya he'd be okay.

I'm only gonna tell you this once, but I'm gonna whisper it real fast, so good luck getting any of it.

I still want Dave to make a Huizenga! game.

Chloe to the rescue!

He's got the Sad Sack (TM)!

Kimpossible is *not* a man!

Well jack hasn't had a love interest to rough up since Rene bought it, so the new girl has to be broken in...

Jack's driving

Jack knows how to drive in ENGLAND??? Okay, that's a little too much to believe...

oh...schematics!! DRINK!

Jack is so turned on by Chloe's theft

"Good job"??? That's a declaration of undying love from Jack

'Tis a flesh wound.

Chloe hot wired the car!

@ JT

London is a breeze to l.a. drivers

Jack's bleeding? 'Tis the nectar of the robot gods.

Nice one Floozy.

Jack knows how to drive in ENGLAND??? That's a little too much to believe...


DAMN it!


Wondering how many abandoned barns are available around London?

Schematics AND dammit? *chugs drink*



The old knife in the ear trick, eh. And no wonder her Russian accent was so bad, she's a Brit!

We have a Dammit!

Yep. Had a funny feeling about those two.

Vhat about your vork? Worse Russian accent ever.

Chloe sure has her Angry Eyes on. She is so much more edgy this year.

I vant you.... dead.

Waitwaitwaitwaitwait!!!Someone is actually peeing in 24!! I repeat - someone is actually peeing in 24!

Can you hear me now?

I guess she really didn't want to go to Greenland!

That is going to leave a mark!

Ooopsie. Never trust a miniskirt with a bad accent.

FLOOZIE is a great assassin! That was great!

That was eerie...make that earie.

Oh. Well, he WAS peeing. May he rest in pee...z.

when a q-tip just isn't enough

OMG. Lady Stark!!!

Right in the ear!

Did someone say the really bad bad villain would turn out to be a woman?

Diva, you can bet that's the last time that guy pees on 24.

I would think that sticking a knife in a guy's brain via his ear canal would be a difficult small target when swinging the knife up fast. She must have practiced a lot. No wonder she doesn't have many friends.

Diva, you're right! Someone peed! WOW!

uh oh jack & awdry nose 2 nose

That earwax vacuum would probably have done the job a bit less messily.

Whew! I'm exhausted.

Does Mother also run a giant robot corporation?

YAwn,,,did I miss anything? Bueller?

I guess she needed the gig since she got almost decapitated on Game of Thrones.

Are we there yet?

^5, Tropic. :D

Looking over the first hour. I'll be posting it soon!

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