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May 05, 2014


Here is where we stand:

Four years after killing (he had NO CHOICE, DAMMIT) approximately two-thirds of the population of North America, Jack Bauer is a rogue fugitive on the run in London, which is about to be visited by United States President William Devane, who is the target of an assassination plot and is also the father of Audrey, who we assume has pictures of the writers naked with an underage sheep, because there is no other explanation for why she keeps showing up in the plot.

Chloe, who has also gone rogue, is working for some kind of outlaw hacker group.

We don't know this for a fact, but we assume some evil villains are planning to perpetrate some kind of horrendous horror.

Edgar is still dead.

We'll be updating this post during the show as developments develop. After tonight's two-hour episode ends, The Amazing Steve will recap the plot in the comments; he says he'll have a post on the first hour right after the show, and a post on the second hour a little later.

UPDATE: Jack is now an African American! No, wait, that's somebody else.

UPDATE: All the women in the CIA are really hot.

UPDATE: Aparently they are very strict about homelessness in London.

UPDATE: The hoodie!

UPDATE: Beware the Hoodie of Doom.

UPDATE: They now have Jack in captivity, which is EXACTLY WHERE HE WANTS THEM.

UPDATE: President William Devane is uncomfortable with the drones.

UPDATE: We of course already distrust this smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "He's up to something." Ha.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer is also currently doing the samba on Dancing With The Stars. 

UPDATE: The hot blonde is already in love with Jack, and WHO CAN BLAME HER?

UPDATE: Jack is like, "Oh no! Please don't put me in handcuffs!"

UPDATE: OK, I am already lost with this Kate-and-Adam subplot.

UPDATE: "Special activities" sounds like they're going to make lanyards.

UPDATE: Jack has no lines in this. His bare chest does the talking.

UPDATE: They're doing Special Activities on Chloe!

UPDATE: Jack won the samba. There are a lot of wounded.

UPDATE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO she's back, and of course she's married to the smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "Jack. Can I call you Jack?" Seriously? Somebody wrote that?

UPDATE: That was a major Glance Exchange, between Jack and the H.B.

UPDATE: Kate went rogue!

UPDATE: Nobody on this show EVER believes the obviously correct underling. 

UPDATE: How did they get Jack's shirt back on, with the handcuffs?


UPDATE: "You were really something Bauer, back in the day." THIS IS THE DAY, BUDDY.

UPDATE: He speaks!

UPDATE: "Nothing you haven't done." A low blow. Followed by a low blow.

UPDATE: Wasn't that in Pulp Fiction?

UPDATE: Jack didn't kill ANYBODY. He's getting soft.

UPDATE: Jack shot at Kate! It's like foreplay.

UPDATE: She can't say DROP YOUR WEAPON! That's what Jack says!

UPDATE: Always good to have a colleague nearby with an air-to-ground missile.

UPDATE: We're at war with the British?


UPDATE: The chief of staff is up his ass?

UPDATE: Chloe has several new chins.

UPDATE: "I don't have any friends." Aw, Jack. You need to stop killing them.

UPDATE: Drone subplot! Do we know the guy who said "It's done"?

UPDATE: Do we think they're going to start the second hour by recapping the first hour?

UPDATE: We BET you have your own procedures.

UPDATE: Kate has a man on the outside.

UPDATE: Chloe is living in Graffiti Kingdom with a creep.

UPDATE: "That's impossible." "Not for him."

UPDATE: Jack is not going to ask a third time.

UPDATE: "We're doing lots of backtracing, we may need some piggyback servers." We love it when Chloe talks dirty.

UPDATE: That woman has very dark roots.

UPDATE: It's the Drone Control Gang! And they're on shed-yule!

UPDATE: The Drone Control Gang has... a device!

UPDATE: The prime minister's jaw is the size of Montana.

UPDATE: Seriously, cattle could graze on that thing.

UPDATE: The Wooden Dialogue Generator is cranking away here.

UPDATE: Chloe can sulk and type at the same time.

UPDATE: Jack and Chloe, working together again. Aw.

UPDATE: Why are they wearing their overcoats indoors?

UPDATE: It's all gonna go down in West Ealing. 

UPDATE: Military justice moves VERY fast.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Let's go to West Ealing.

UPDATE: Can Chloe cut off that camera? Does a bear poop in the woods?

UPDATE: Is this Jack's first hanging?

UPDATE: "No offense, Mick."

UPDATE: Those guys were seriously outnumbered by Jack.

UPDATE: Jack, once again, gets shot by our side, which lets the real bad guy go. Way to go, our side!

UPDATE: It's been several minutes, so Jack has recovered from being shot.

UPDATE: Jack punches Kate. This is LOVE.



UPDATE: OK, so for now, the plot is about a Device.

UPDATE: Do we think Dark Roots is an agent?


UPDATE: "Mummy's waiting."

UPDATE: Next week: More shooting. Take it, The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE THE NEXT DAY: Don't miss The Amazing Steve's recap, which is... I am searching for a word here... amazing. Here's his secret:



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Geez...they can't even do convincing Brit accents

Chloe Salander is coming around.

Nooooo! Don't get an Android!

Stupid car ad!

Love Chloe Salander Diva

Diva, were you the one who pointed out the Accursed Black Dot of Distraction???

LOL Diva. That's where I've seen that whole goth/hacker look.

I finished the first bottle of wine. The Black Dot of Doom is still at the bottom of screen. Taunting me. Divaaaaaaa!

Chloe has vampire makeup on.
Also, she apparently works for TV-Wikileaks.

While Chloe takes a break to go to the bathroom, install a sim card, and adjust her makeup, Jack
takes a few practice shots,

Whatever became of old Adrian, anyway? Don't remember if he got killed or run off ...

Lack of perimeters. Lack of shot thighs. A President with Alzheimer's. And Awwdrey.

This season sucks.

Betsy, no - that was Gennita. Now I just can't unsee it!

Andy, I'm just drinking at random now. We don't need no stinkin' perimeter *hic*!

Trudat, Tropic!

She has the worst Russian accent ever.

I know, Siouxie - right? I think it was the haircut that brought it home.

Zombie alert...summer movie "the strain" is coming...

Ooh good...let President Alzheimer's address Parliament.

Ah, who needs SOFAs?

Ha! No Black Dot on our screen. Perhaps it only infests cable?

It's the floozy in the fishnets!

Yes. Transparency. That works.

screw the status of forces agreement -- prez cojones

I'm not going to prepare a speech.

I'd forget it, anyway.

@tropichunt - if he became a get smart 'would ya believe'...? kinda guy it might be hilarious

Oy oy oy oy...he's going to apologize from his heart! If there's an empty chair there, run for the hills!

He just dissed farmers.

Chloe had time to fox her eye makeup while she was building servers...

Aw, Chief of State Evil is setting up President Alzheimer's.

Oh no he didn't. Playing the Ohio card.

President Dementia YAY

Today Ohio, tomorrow the world!

Hah, Arctic. Foxed her makeup!

A debate prep session....I'm running out of "oy"s

@emJ's mom

It's on the very bottom of the computer screen, not the TV. Under the "post" button.

Fake Russian Floozy isn't looking forward to Greenland.

When will Mycroft or Sherlock show up?

Come on guys, we're slowing down. We're only on page 6 with a half hour to go!

president what-the-Heller- you talking about

under exactly wot warped dystopian scenario is Greenland attractive?

Thank you for spilling the plot for us, bad guy.

Sweet guy, he informs his woman they're moving to Greenland at the last second.

Greenland. Um, dude. That's just an advertising name!

So much for not telling anybody about it...

Maybe they'll set a perimeter.

He was driving on the wrong right side of the street...

Well played, ligirl!!

2 mins?? Chloe's rusty.

It wasn't Ohio, Mr. President Dementia. It was Florida.

Did 24 just become The Raid? This might be awesome.

I'm NOT paying to see a movie with Awwdrey in it.

Yes it's always wise to transport a prisoner in an open back truck where he just jump out and run away.

24LiveBlog...someone on FB just called it "Twitter before Twitter existed." True 'dat.

I know! Jack is going to show up and promise everyone The Black List!

Well, don't leave us hanging, JT. Who said it??

What the latest on the Victoria's Secret sale?

Glad I don't have a son in law who is that supportive.

Can't wait for the Shout Down in Parliament.

Hey, Chloe was in that Framily plan!

20 minutes, and no thighs yet

Hard Chloe, cold Chloe, little ball of tatts . . .

So 12 guys against Jack. That's pretty even odds.

Question Time may have the first thigh shots.

DVRs must be cutting down on live viewers.

Oh-oh, Awwwwdrey has her hair down.

The President is lying? Haaaaaa! Of course not.

Where the hell is Olivia Pope?

Again, my goof...

'Hero Sandwiches '. . .

Heroes whose names will remain in my heart, albeit not my mind, forever


*snork* @ CDJ
and yes, I sang it.

Great. We're watching a script reading. This is what it would be if it were a good show.

We don't have a Black Dot under the Post button either, unless you mean the little hyphen.

I'm glad they're writing this down since President Forgets-A-Lot will have forgotten everything by tomorrow.

Uhhh...Field Marshall Montgomery??

Who cares, Greg? The important folks are here!!

Chief of Staff Evil is being Evil.

Hey, Awwwdrey got a "dammit"!

Jack has such a lovely way with words. You probably think that I'm at a disadvantage...

Hope Mark gets shot in the thigh at some point.

C'mon man, my heart has some memory issues.

With her hair down Audrey almost appears lucid.

An inconspicuous black van!

How about calling them Red Shirts #1, 2, 3 and 4?

Always test your comm units.

Oh thank GAWD! Jack breathy voice and Chloe hackering. I woke up.

Hey, is that one bad guy Steven Segal?

@emj's mom - yep! That's it! :D

Is that Hannibal?

Look, Jack made a Russian-mafia wind chime!

What's 'e 'angin' about for?

Leather Chloe, rage-y Chloe
Purr purr ROWR!

Hey, Chloe is like the POI computer!

Jack is shot! But it's just a flesh wound.

This is going to be a slightly more violent version of Dredd!

Thighs! Thighs! Thighs! C'mon!

FINALLY..he shoots someone!

Hey, that guy "Bashir" was on NCIS as Aga Bayar.

You think I'm at a disadvantage, but that's because you didn't watch the other seasons.

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