24

Here is where we stand:

Four years after killing (he had NO CHOICE, DAMMIT) approximately two-thirds of the population of North America, Jack Bauer is a rogue fugitive on the run in London, which is about to be visited by United States President William Devane, who is the target of an assassination plot and is also the father of Audrey, who we assume has pictures of the writers naked with an underage sheep, because there is no other explanation for why she keeps showing up in the plot.

Chloe, who has also gone rogue, is working for some kind of outlaw hacker group.

We don't know this for a fact, but we assume some evil villains are planning to perpetrate some kind of horrendous horror.

Edgar is still dead.

We'll be updating this post during the show as developments develop. After tonight's two-hour episode ends, The Amazing Steve will recap the plot in the comments; he says he'll have a post on the first hour right after the show, and a post on the second hour a little later.

UPDATE: Jack is now an African American! No, wait, that's somebody else.

UPDATE: All the women in the CIA are really hot.

UPDATE: Aparently they are very strict about homelessness in London.

UPDATE: The hoodie!

UPDATE: Beware the Hoodie of Doom.

UPDATE: They now have Jack in captivity, which is EXACTLY WHERE HE WANTS THEM.

UPDATE: President William Devane is uncomfortable with the drones.

UPDATE: We of course already distrust this smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "He's up to something." Ha.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer is also currently doing the samba on Dancing With The Stars. 

UPDATE: The hot blonde is already in love with Jack, and WHO CAN BLAME HER?

UPDATE: Jack is like, "Oh no! Please don't put me in handcuffs!"

UPDATE: OK, I am already lost with this Kate-and-Adam subplot.

UPDATE: "Special activities" sounds like they're going to make lanyards.

UPDATE: Jack has no lines in this. His bare chest does the talking.

UPDATE: They're doing Special Activities on Chloe!

UPDATE: Jack won the samba. There are a lot of wounded.

UPDATE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO she's back, and of course she's married to the smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "Jack. Can I call you Jack?" Seriously? Somebody wrote that?

UPDATE: That was a major Glance Exchange, between Jack and the H.B.

UPDATE: Kate went rogue!

UPDATE: Nobody on this show EVER believes the obviously correct underling. 

UPDATE: How did they get Jack's shirt back on, with the handcuffs?

UPDATE: WHOA! KATE!

UPDATE: "You were really something Bauer, back in the day." THIS IS THE DAY, BUDDY.

UPDATE: He speaks!

UPDATE: "Nothing you haven't done." A low blow. Followed by a low blow.

UPDATE: Wasn't that in Pulp Fiction?

UPDATE: Jack didn't kill ANYBODY. He's getting soft.

UPDATE: Jack shot at Kate! It's like foreplay.

UPDATE: She can't say DROP YOUR WEAPON! That's what Jack says!

UPDATE: Always good to have a colleague nearby with an air-to-ground missile.

UPDATE: We're at war with the British?

UPDATE: PERIMETER!!!

UPDATE: The chief of staff is up his ass?

UPDATE: Chloe has several new chins.

UPDATE: "I don't have any friends." Aw, Jack. You need to stop killing them.

UPDATE: Drone subplot! Do we know the guy who said "It's done"?

UPDATE: Do we think they're going to start the second hour by recapping the first hour?

UPDATE: We BET you have your own procedures.

UPDATE: Kate has a man on the outside.

UPDATE: Chloe is living in Graffiti Kingdom with a creep.

UPDATE: "That's impossible." "Not for him."

UPDATE: Jack is not going to ask a third time.

UPDATE: "We're doing lots of backtracing, we may need some piggyback servers." We love it when Chloe talks dirty.

UPDATE: That woman has very dark roots.

UPDATE: It's the Drone Control Gang! And they're on shed-yule!

UPDATE: The Drone Control Gang has... a device!

UPDATE: The prime minister's jaw is the size of Montana.

UPDATE: Seriously, cattle could graze on that thing.

UPDATE: The Wooden Dialogue Generator is cranking away here.

UPDATE: Chloe can sulk and type at the same time.

UPDATE: Jack and Chloe, working together again. Aw.

UPDATE: Why are they wearing their overcoats indoors?

UPDATE: It's all gonna go down in West Ealing. 

UPDATE: Military justice moves VERY fast.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Let's go to West Ealing.

UPDATE: Can Chloe cut off that camera? Does a bear poop in the woods?

UPDATE: Is this Jack's first hanging?

UPDATE: "No offense, Mick."

UPDATE: Those guys were seriously outnumbered by Jack.

UPDATE: Jack, once again, gets shot by our side, which lets the real bad guy go. Way to go, our side!

UPDATE: It's been several minutes, so Jack has recovered from being shot.

UPDATE: Jack punches Kate. This is LOVE.

UPDATE: SCHEMATICS! A MULTI-CHANNEL OVERRIDE SYSTEM!! 

UPDATE: DAMMIT!!!!!

UPDATE: OK, so for now, the plot is about a Device.

UPDATE: Do we think Dark Roots is an agent?

UPDATE: She IS!

UPDATE: "Mummy's waiting."

UPDATE: Next week: More shooting. Take it, The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE THE NEXT DAY: Don't miss The Amazing Steve's recap, which is... I am searching for a word here... amazing. Here's his secret:

Comments

[Gennita Low]

Jack didn't add to his kills, dammit.

[JT]

SigBauer--ok, good point.

[Cheesewiz]

Could someone please shoot the Whispering Verizon people?

Please.

[ligirl]

shoots & ladders

awesome

[Blogchik]

This reminds me of Burn Notice...with the split screens and explosions.

[funny man]

Anyone recall the CTU agent who looks familiar?
Not Tony, but he did work with Almeada...
Morgan? Am I right?

[Diva]

YET, Genn. YET.

[Gennita Low]

If you scroll all the way down to the bottom of page, do you see a black dot on the left? I thought it was a smudge but it isn't.

IT IS VERY DISTRACTING! Drink!

[nursecindy]

Cheesewiz I feel the same way about the Verizon people.

[Gennita Low]

Diva,
Well, he really only shoots bad guys (and girls).

[JT]

I think they should change the name of "Bones" to "Old Girl." Just to highlight the whole sister thing with Emily and Zoey.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Awwdrey. Yawn.

[Diva]

Genn, I would never have noticed that. Now I CANNOT UNSEE. Black dot forever!!

[MartiniShark]

"I know that look ...

Of course you do, we all do -- that's her Thorazine face.

[Siouxie]

wooden dialogue...*snore*

[Gennita Low]

Filler conversation time.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

The writers are already in that boat, Mr. President.

[danceswithvowels]

Presidents, always wanting to lock things up!

[Siouxie]

PERIMETER!! DRINK!!

[Diva]

PERIMETER!!! *drinks*

[SigBauer]

is it wrong to be really sad watching President Cojones be scared of Alzheimers?
[?!]

[Jesme]

PERIMETER!!

[Jan Grimsby.]

What Siouxie said.

[JT]

The next London history you are about to feel will come from when the Nazis were bombing it in the forties...

[Gennita Low]

I need to share the Black Dot of Doom at bottom of screen, Diva!

[funny man]

"10 block perimeter"

Has CTU learned NOTHING from their past?

[ligirl]

president alzheimer?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Perimeter! Drink! Or in this case, *GLUG*

[MartiniShark]

And now we have a 2 year old going around the house, shooting things.

[Betsy]

That Jack! He sure leaves a mess behind when he drops in.

[Arctic Al]

I don't have any friends. I've killed them all.

[Siouxie]

Thank GOD she's taking off her makeup.

[Diva]

My "perimeter *drinks*" post disappeared. Aww, shoot (me in the thigh). :(

[danceswithvowels]

That ain't London -- There's sunshine!

[funny man]

Chloe looks like "a missing Osborne family member"

[Renee (the First)]

Can she find somewhere safe? At the moment I'm not even sure she can spell "cat."

[Cheesewiz]

Maybe Chloe has had too many mojitos

[Diva]

Stealth bomber is not so stealthy.

[ligirl]

we're your friends, jack

[Gennita Low]

Star Trek CTU!

[Betsy]

She WAS my friend, but then she read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and now it's anybody's guess.

[Siouxie]

I bet Jack can see the stealth plane.

[Arctic Al]

Another Apple security flaw is exposed. Now iDrones aren't secure either.

[Blogchik]

I thought he was President Gold-infomercial.

[funny man]

Terrorists!! Targeting army recon!!!

[Siouxie]

He shoulda moved.

[SigBauer]

um, isn't the movie 'stealth' like 8 yrs. old now?

[MartiniShark]

On the plus side, he'll get that weekend pass after all.

[judithebarberho]

slowpoke!

[Spooge Mojito]

nice shootin Tex!

[Gennita Low]

Boy, he is in such trouble. He can forget the weekend pass now.

[Diva]

When someone says, "You're being targeted," you DON'T say, "by whom?" Not until much, MUCH later, anyway. But hey, points for grammar under pressure.

[Melanie]

Move? What?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I wish I were the President and forgot that all this happened.

[Homeybeef]

season over? please?

[Jesme]

At last...the bad guy!

[SigBauer]

@ Martini

tough to use a pass when yer in the stockade
[!]

[JT]

Okay, it's been twelve seconds...WHERE'S THE AMAZING STEVE'S RECAP???

[Gennita Low]

Google set up the Google Map for that drone. You know they're behind it.

[SigBauer]

@ trop

we're gonna get these jokes all season, right?
[1]

[Suzy Q (the original)]

Jack and The Breathy Whisper will be the title of my next book.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I want to see Jack vs. Godzilla. Now there'd be some even odds...

[SigBauer]

@ JT

i dunno, mebbe we can spot him 'till, say, 5 after?
:-)

[JT]

Godzilla's gotten a little hefty, huh?

[Diva]

When someone says, You're (not your) being targeted," you DON'T say, "By whom?" At least not until much, MUCH later. But hey, nice grammar under pressure.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

@sig: I'm sorry, did you say something? Can you repeat it?

[Homeybeef]

But Dave, how can you expect them to recap all of that amazing excitement of the first hour in only ONE HOUR?!

[ligirl]

walter white @ godzilla: I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!

[SigBauer]

@ JT

he's finally truly Americanized ... he's overweight
[!!]

[Gennita Low]

Good hour! Where's the recap so we understand?

[Ghost of Edgar]

Get a hold of yourself, Lt. Jedi!

[Jan Grimsby.]

There's another hour to go? Somebody hit 'Pause' willya while I take the dog out for a whizz.

[SigBauer]

@ trop

tee hee ...

[judithebarberho]

what did he say about why didn't he just tell chloe...what?

[Diva]

Let's see if signing in will help my being able to post. It hasn't posted any of my last ten minutes.

[danceswithvowels]

Viewer Discretion Has Been Re-Advised!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Viewer discretion. For what? We'll forget it, like the President, by the time the hour's up.

[MartiniShark]

I enjoy picturing that as Walter White and Godzilla is simply a chemical-induced hallucination.

[Diva]

When someone says, "You're (not your) being targeted," you DON'T say, "By whom?" At least not until much, MUCH later. But hey, nice grammar under pressure.

[Betsy]

Okay...it's high noon in London and still almost a dark as t he inside of the CTU Secret File Rooms.

[funny man]

I got it! Out of every half hour there are 24 minutes
call this :24:

[MartiniShark]

That hand injury will affect Wes Welker's receptions this coming season.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

This is the very last time. For this episode.

[funny man]

there are twenty four minutes of commercials.
Typepad is not being helpful....

[Gennita Low]

Black agent has the hots for Blonde Cardigan.

[Arctic Al]

That's impossible!

Not for him.

[Siouxie]

Goth Chloe doesn't do it for me.

[Suzy Q (the original)]

Why won't this thing fast forward?

[Blogchik]

Could Benjamin Bratt be...Evil?
Dunn Dunn DUNN.

[funny man]

12:02:34 LUNCH TIME

[danceswithvowels]

This is the 12 Monkeys segment. Where's Perry Farrell?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Seriously. Jack's hoodie. WHERE IS IT?!?

[Gennita Low]

Homeless Hackers!

[Betsy]

Chloe's posse...?

[MartiniShark]

Wow, the hacker life seems more glamorous in programming code.

[Siouxie]

That was an understatement.

[ligirl]

oh sh!t a giant ginger leprechaun

[Cheesewiz]

Evil hack master

[Suzy Q (the original)]

Chloe's in Sinn Fein? She doesn't speak Gaelic! Or...does she?

[Betsy]

Not impossible for Jack Bauer!