24

Here is where we stand:

Four years after killing (he had NO CHOICE, DAMMIT) approximately two-thirds of the population of North America, Jack Bauer is a rogue fugitive on the run in London, which is about to be visited by United States President William Devane, who is the target of an assassination plot and is also the father of Audrey, who we assume has pictures of the writers naked with an underage sheep, because there is no other explanation for why she keeps showing up in the plot.

Chloe, who has also gone rogue, is working for some kind of outlaw hacker group.

We don't know this for a fact, but we assume some evil villains are planning to perpetrate some kind of horrendous horror.

Edgar is still dead.

We'll be updating this post during the show as developments develop. After tonight's two-hour episode ends, The Amazing Steve will recap the plot in the comments; he says he'll have a post on the first hour right after the show, and a post on the second hour a little later.

UPDATE: Jack is now an African American! No, wait, that's somebody else.

UPDATE: All the women in the CIA are really hot.

UPDATE: Aparently they are very strict about homelessness in London.

UPDATE: The hoodie!

UPDATE: Beware the Hoodie of Doom.

UPDATE: They now have Jack in captivity, which is EXACTLY WHERE HE WANTS THEM.

UPDATE: President William Devane is uncomfortable with the drones.

UPDATE: We of course already distrust this smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "He's up to something." Ha.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer is also currently doing the samba on Dancing With The Stars. 

UPDATE: The hot blonde is already in love with Jack, and WHO CAN BLAME HER?

UPDATE: Jack is like, "Oh no! Please don't put me in handcuffs!"

UPDATE: OK, I am already lost with this Kate-and-Adam subplot.

UPDATE: "Special activities" sounds like they're going to make lanyards.

UPDATE: Jack has no lines in this. His bare chest does the talking.

UPDATE: They're doing Special Activities on Chloe!

UPDATE: Jack won the samba. There are a lot of wounded.

UPDATE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO she's back, and of course she's married to the smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "Jack. Can I call you Jack?" Seriously? Somebody wrote that?

UPDATE: That was a major Glance Exchange, between Jack and the H.B.

UPDATE: Kate went rogue!

UPDATE: Nobody on this show EVER believes the obviously correct underling. 

UPDATE: How did they get Jack's shirt back on, with the handcuffs?

UPDATE: WHOA! KATE!

UPDATE: "You were really something Bauer, back in the day." THIS IS THE DAY, BUDDY.

UPDATE: He speaks!

UPDATE: "Nothing you haven't done." A low blow. Followed by a low blow.

UPDATE: Wasn't that in Pulp Fiction?

UPDATE: Jack didn't kill ANYBODY. He's getting soft.

UPDATE: Jack shot at Kate! It's like foreplay.

UPDATE: She can't say DROP YOUR WEAPON! That's what Jack says!

UPDATE: Always good to have a colleague nearby with an air-to-ground missile.

UPDATE: We're at war with the British?

UPDATE: PERIMETER!!!

UPDATE: The chief of staff is up his ass?

UPDATE: Chloe has several new chins.

UPDATE: "I don't have any friends." Aw, Jack. You need to stop killing them.

UPDATE: Drone subplot! Do we know the guy who said "It's done"?

UPDATE: Do we think they're going to start the second hour by recapping the first hour?

UPDATE: We BET you have your own procedures.

UPDATE: Kate has a man on the outside.

UPDATE: Chloe is living in Graffiti Kingdom with a creep.

UPDATE: "That's impossible." "Not for him."

UPDATE: Jack is not going to ask a third time.

UPDATE: "We're doing lots of backtracing, we may need some piggyback servers." We love it when Chloe talks dirty.

UPDATE: That woman has very dark roots.

UPDATE: It's the Drone Control Gang! And they're on shed-yule!

UPDATE: The Drone Control Gang has... a device!

UPDATE: The prime minister's jaw is the size of Montana.

UPDATE: Seriously, cattle could graze on that thing.

UPDATE: The Wooden Dialogue Generator is cranking away here.

UPDATE: Chloe can sulk and type at the same time.

UPDATE: Jack and Chloe, working together again. Aw.

UPDATE: Why are they wearing their overcoats indoors?

UPDATE: It's all gonna go down in West Ealing. 

UPDATE: Military justice moves VERY fast.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Let's go to West Ealing.

UPDATE: Can Chloe cut off that camera? Does a bear poop in the woods?

UPDATE: Is this Jack's first hanging?

UPDATE: "No offense, Mick."

UPDATE: Those guys were seriously outnumbered by Jack.

UPDATE: Jack, once again, gets shot by our side, which lets the real bad guy go. Way to go, our side!

UPDATE: It's been several minutes, so Jack has recovered from being shot.

UPDATE: Jack punches Kate. This is LOVE.

UPDATE: SCHEMATICS! A MULTI-CHANNEL OVERRIDE SYSTEM!! 

UPDATE: DAMMIT!!!!!

UPDATE: OK, so for now, the plot is about a Device.

UPDATE: Do we think Dark Roots is an agent?

UPDATE: She IS!

UPDATE: "Mummy's waiting."

UPDATE: Next week: More shooting. Take it, The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE THE NEXT DAY: Don't miss The Amazing Steve's recap, which is... I am searching for a word here... amazing. Here's his secret:

Comments

[nursecindy]

Of course he wanted you to catch him!

[Blogchik]

Hot blonde chick is smart.

[Betsy]

Jack wants to get caught!?? OMG...you mean...he's engaging in trickery???

[danceswithvowels]

We have our first DAMMIT!

[Gennita Low]

CHLOE!

[MartiniShark]

Huh, Jack wasn't granted the first "Dammit!"

[ligirl]

grab her zucchini, jack

[SigBauer]

hey lady -- do u know just who yer yelling at?!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

DAMMIT! And Jack didn't get to say it first.

Jack's vitals speak louder than words.

[Diva]

Is he an agent or a psychiatrist?

[Betsy]

Oh hell...he faked the reaction. You know he has total autonomic control.

[Arctic Al]

The first damn it and it wasn't from Jack

[Brad]

Jack ! Violent! Nah

[Diva]

As useless as Kate is, she's still smarter than the head of CTU.

[Gennita Low]

DAMMIT! DRINK!

[MartiniShark]

I see Benjamin Bratt as a cop and all I picture him in as the cop from Catwoman.

Guess he failed upward.

[danceswithvowels]

Is he an agent or a psychiatrist? No.

[Betsy]

Putting the whole BUILDING in danger??? He's really shrinking his scope, isn't he??? Since when does Bauer bother with BUILDINGS???

[Gennita Low]

Jack has a beeping heart!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

She understands how powerful the hoodie is. WHERE IS THE HOODIE?!? THE ENTIRE BUILDING IS IN DANGER!

[Suzy Q (the original)]

David K., if you're reading this, please know that I miss you (and our missives) and think about you often. Well, maybe not often, but at least occasionally. I hope you're doing well.

[ligirl]

bet she snuck jack her eyebrow pencil & he's gonna stab that guy in the throat

[MareBear]

Are the writers rusty or was it always this bad?

[judithebarberho]

why does she think shouting "who is it?" loudly is going to make him give up his clearly involved plan...does she have special shouting powers?

[JT]

Why does Adam Sandler keep making movies? Does the studio need a tax write-off THAT BADLY?

[MartiniShark]

Commercial for an Adam Sandler film, the terrorist upon our culture.

[Jan Grimsby.]

Don't tell me I'm the last one at the party again. Did I miss much?

[Betsy]

Wood doesn't rust, Mare.

[SigBauer]

@ Mare

oh, it has been quite worse
[!!]

[Diva]

Good call, dances.

[insomniac]

Jack Bauer Jr.s first words: "Change my diaper? Dammit Mom, THERE'S NO TIME!!!"

[funny man]

11:34:00? What happened during the first 10 hours?
Boy, may I suggest Fox writers are lazy?

Or do they bring aboard a new "head" writer every
"hour"?

[Diva]

Mare, have you never heard us lament the Wooden Dialog Generator??

[Brad]

He was also the cop in Miss Congeniality

[John]

Chloe has gone all girl with the dragon tattoo

[MartiniShark]

Since I came in late I trust somebody called him Trayvon Bauer at the start of things.

[Jesme]

You know what this show needs? Some evil henchmen for Jack to kill...!

[Gennita Low]

Jack's first three words: "Hi, Chloe, love!"

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Anyone know if Victoria's Secret is having a sale?

[Siouxie]

TAZER!!

[SigBauer]

@ funny may

seas. 1 wuz the only day that started @ midnite. most days started in the early a.m. I'm sure someone can find a list ...

[danceswithvowels]

Better not try that avocado nonsense with Jack!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hoodie is on the loose! Look at what it made Kate do!

[Arctic Al]

You were really something...back in the day. Well he's going to die

[Cheesewiz]

HB and Chloe will be BFFs

[Suzy Q (the original)]

WE ARE ALL TERRORISTS! Jack, Chloe, those other people whose names I do not know, me, etc.

[Gennita Low]

Oooh. Determined Blondie has something up her cardigan!

[Betsy]

Running a cross-check on Jack...down load the schematics...

[danceswithvowels]

This could get ugly!

[nursecindy]

Never insult Jack Bauer.

[Gennita Low]

I knew black agent is a Red Shirt.

[Betsy]

CC: (grunts)

[Siouxie]

Of course..he got away.

[funny man]

Terrorist person plugs into to phone system?

So easy a child could do it!

[Spooge Mojito]

Yeah. Back in the day. HAH! Take that!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

YAY!!! Jack. Save Chloe! And fix her makeup.

[Diva]

*waves @ Suzy Q* Loooooooong time no see!

[MartiniShark]

When Jack say "I can take you with both arms tied behind my back," be very afraid.

[SigBauer]

good ol' fashioned pistol=whipping!

[Homeybeef]

DRINK

[Gennita Low]

Oh come on, Jack. Thigh shot the guy!

[Betsy]

Jack and Chloe...together again!
!
!

[CDJ]

I can break you with BOTH hands tied behind my back.

[Mary Stout]

Yay Chloe! Jack got her all is well!

[Siouxie]

Stabbed in the thi...er..chest!

[Diva]

IT'S ALIVE!!!

[Cheesewiz]

He inflated her!

[JT]

John Travolta taught him that...

[MartiniShark]

Jack pressures Wes Welker -- love it!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Nothing you haven't done.

THAT'S BECAUSE ONLY JACK IS ALLOWED TO DO THOSE THINGS!

[nursecindy]

I can't tell you how many times I tried that trick on my patients.

[Diva]

WHO had 11:43? ME, that's who!! WINNAH!!

[SigBauer]

holy cow Diva -- u called it @ 1143!!

[Betsy]

Bauer's gone and the floor is littered with bodies!

[Diva]

A level-5 lockdown. I've missed this show.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Pbbbbt!! Meep meep!

[Renee (the First)]

Diva wins the Internet!!!

[funny man]

Jack escapes with Chloe!

YEAH!!!

[Arctic Al]

Just your average guy standing on top of a van in London with a sub machine gun and no one notices

[danceswithvowels]

Fire in the hole!

[Diva]

THERE you are, Renee!! Sweet! Now we're only down by Doc Rick. I messaged him, but no luck.

[MartiniShark]

So nobody notices the thug on top of a white van in daylight assembling a machine gun.

[Diva]

Also, *bows, trips on ego*

[JT]

Okaaayyyy...if Jack WANTED to be caught, why did he go through the whole shoot-punch-run thing in the beginning?

[Mary Stout]

There goes the building!

[Gennita Low]

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Jack is AWESOME!

[ligirl]

cool

[funny man]

Jack's sportin some tats, too!

(Not that Tatu from Fastasy Island)

[Matt Filar]

As hard as this may be to believe, there are times living in California SUCKS!

[Betsy]

more letterbox screen splits...

[Gennita Low]

Cardigan of Doom protects her from grenade!

[Ednamode]

Yvonne Strahovski FTW!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Explosions at CTU, and yet no alarms going off. Figures.

[JT]

HB got out the side door. Level 5 lockdowns ain't what they used to be.

[Brad]

Damn cable repair guy He is helping Jack - No wonder he did not come to my house today

[Mary Stout]

She should have went rogue with Chloe and Jack

[Jan Grimsby.]

BB is distracting me.

[SigBauer]

@ JT

he's still Jack fer crying out loud!

[MartiniShark]

And the gas explosion Gennita.

It's from the Anne Taylor Kevlar collection.

[Diva]

It's OK, Matt. You get to enjoy it twice!