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May 05, 2014


Here is where we stand:

Four years after killing (he had NO CHOICE, DAMMIT) approximately two-thirds of the population of North America, Jack Bauer is a rogue fugitive on the run in London, which is about to be visited by United States President William Devane, who is the target of an assassination plot and is also the father of Audrey, who we assume has pictures of the writers naked with an underage sheep, because there is no other explanation for why she keeps showing up in the plot.

Chloe, who has also gone rogue, is working for some kind of outlaw hacker group.

We don't know this for a fact, but we assume some evil villains are planning to perpetrate some kind of horrendous horror.

Edgar is still dead.

We'll be updating this post during the show as developments develop. After tonight's two-hour episode ends, The Amazing Steve will recap the plot in the comments; he says he'll have a post on the first hour right after the show, and a post on the second hour a little later.

UPDATE: Jack is now an African American! No, wait, that's somebody else.

UPDATE: All the women in the CIA are really hot.

UPDATE: Aparently they are very strict about homelessness in London.

UPDATE: The hoodie!

UPDATE: Beware the Hoodie of Doom.

UPDATE: They now have Jack in captivity, which is EXACTLY WHERE HE WANTS THEM.

UPDATE: President William Devane is uncomfortable with the drones.

UPDATE: We of course already distrust this smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "He's up to something." Ha.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer is also currently doing the samba on Dancing With The Stars. 

UPDATE: The hot blonde is already in love with Jack, and WHO CAN BLAME HER?

UPDATE: Jack is like, "Oh no! Please don't put me in handcuffs!"

UPDATE: OK, I am already lost with this Kate-and-Adam subplot.

UPDATE: "Special activities" sounds like they're going to make lanyards.

UPDATE: Jack has no lines in this. His bare chest does the talking.

UPDATE: They're doing Special Activities on Chloe!

UPDATE: Jack won the samba. There are a lot of wounded.

UPDATE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO she's back, and of course she's married to the smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "Jack. Can I call you Jack?" Seriously? Somebody wrote that?

UPDATE: That was a major Glance Exchange, between Jack and the H.B.

UPDATE: Kate went rogue!

UPDATE: Nobody on this show EVER believes the obviously correct underling. 

UPDATE: How did they get Jack's shirt back on, with the handcuffs?


UPDATE: "You were really something Bauer, back in the day." THIS IS THE DAY, BUDDY.

UPDATE: He speaks!

UPDATE: "Nothing you haven't done." A low blow. Followed by a low blow.

UPDATE: Wasn't that in Pulp Fiction?

UPDATE: Jack didn't kill ANYBODY. He's getting soft.

UPDATE: Jack shot at Kate! It's like foreplay.

UPDATE: She can't say DROP YOUR WEAPON! That's what Jack says!

UPDATE: Always good to have a colleague nearby with an air-to-ground missile.

UPDATE: We're at war with the British?


UPDATE: The chief of staff is up his ass?

UPDATE: Chloe has several new chins.

UPDATE: "I don't have any friends." Aw, Jack. You need to stop killing them.

UPDATE: Drone subplot! Do we know the guy who said "It's done"?

UPDATE: Do we think they're going to start the second hour by recapping the first hour?

UPDATE: We BET you have your own procedures.

UPDATE: Kate has a man on the outside.

UPDATE: Chloe is living in Graffiti Kingdom with a creep.

UPDATE: "That's impossible." "Not for him."

UPDATE: Jack is not going to ask a third time.

UPDATE: "We're doing lots of backtracing, we may need some piggyback servers." We love it when Chloe talks dirty.

UPDATE: That woman has very dark roots.

UPDATE: It's the Drone Control Gang! And they're on shed-yule!

UPDATE: The Drone Control Gang has... a device!

UPDATE: The prime minister's jaw is the size of Montana.

UPDATE: Seriously, cattle could graze on that thing.

UPDATE: The Wooden Dialogue Generator is cranking away here.

UPDATE: Chloe can sulk and type at the same time.

UPDATE: Jack and Chloe, working together again. Aw.

UPDATE: Why are they wearing their overcoats indoors?

UPDATE: It's all gonna go down in West Ealing. 

UPDATE: Military justice moves VERY fast.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Let's go to West Ealing.

UPDATE: Can Chloe cut off that camera? Does a bear poop in the woods?

UPDATE: Is this Jack's first hanging?

UPDATE: "No offense, Mick."

UPDATE: Those guys were seriously outnumbered by Jack.

UPDATE: Jack, once again, gets shot by our side, which lets the real bad guy go. Way to go, our side!

UPDATE: It's been several minutes, so Jack has recovered from being shot.

UPDATE: Jack punches Kate. This is LOVE.



UPDATE: OK, so for now, the plot is about a Device.

UPDATE: Do we think Dark Roots is an agent?


UPDATE: "Mummy's waiting."

UPDATE: Next week: More shooting. Take it, The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE THE NEXT DAY: Don't miss The Amazing Steve's recap, which is... I am searching for a word here... amazing. Here's his secret:



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Special Activities

these people will try to Jack Bauer Jack Bauer?

What is she wearing--the Cardigan of Doom?

Firm jaw...sullen expression...must be love interest

Now they have Jack just where he wants them.

Worried blonde looks worried.

...and his hoodie, too.

She's Kimpossible, right?

Where is Chloe?

Their security cams have the same picture quality as the small drone?

Andy that was a near-verbatim simulpost with Dave. I'm jealous.

Hey the guy hooked heroin in one day. I'm sure that they can't do anything to hurt Jack.

In Afghanistan, which looks an awful lot like Southern California....
Orange clock goes tickedy tick!

girl's got the eyebrows of doom

Chloe will take care of the worried blonde later.

So CTU has a "branch" in Londonium? WHo'd have thought?

"She was a good field agent" which means she is a mole.

They're saving lots on Keifer's salary this episode. No lines and he just gets scale if they're nice. And maybe Kraft food services.

There could be 64 moles so far. Call Orkin

When you bleach your hair, remember to do your brows.

I wonder if there is a secret passage for frogmen under Buckingham Palace?

I need a perimeter, dammit!

Two months locked in a room...but they didn't shoot her in the thigh. Amateurs.

Special Activities are done in rabbit holes!

No but I established a perimeter!

@ dances -- there's her nic -- kimpossible!

By "whom", Kate. Not by "who". Come on writers, get with the grammar program!

oooh shirtless-ness!

Shake him up? That's Jack Bauer, you fool!

And Brer Bauer, he laid low.

Better men than him have tried to shake Jack Bauer up.

Yeah...killing and mutilating, right. So what's your point?

Special Activities Division. How S.A.D.

"Enhanced" interrogation? HA! Jack INVENTED enhanced interrogation. The man chewed a dude's throat.

I wonder whether there will some Mad Hatters in the Rabbit Hole?

yeah, like Jack's file is that thin ...

And there's Chloe, which is why Jack is here.


"Talking to me is your best option."

That's hitting below the belt.

Oh my! Chloe is being shock-treated!



Chloe! I can see why she's upset. Flu shots hurt!

Tattooed Chloe! I think I just fell in love.

Now Chloe is REALLY pissed. She needs a hoodie.


So is Chloe engaged in a Special Activity???


What writing!

What's the over/under on how long it will take Jack to escape with Chloe?

OMG CHLOE! He is there to rescue Chloe!

And now it's time for Jack to rescue Chloe, just like he planned...

That interrogator-actor looks familiar...Brett something? Wasn't he on Law and Order back in the day?

Jack needs to find his Sad Sack of Doom to rescue Chloe!

We're 25 minutes into the show and no one has been shot. That's got to be a record.

Is it my imagination, or are they doing more horizontal screen splits this time around???

You know what would make this show perfect? Cloris Leachman. No, seriously.

CDJ, I'll put $5 on 11:43.

Yes, Brett is now Law and Disorder (CIA).

chloe: 1st to get 'shot'

@ Diva

I'll take under!

Interogator: "You've been on the other side of this table before."
Bauer:"No, actually this is my first time in London."

Maybe Jack will be silent the entire hour? That would be a record.

This is the first time I've watched something not on the DVR in over year. These commercial things kind of suck

Wasn't Adam one of The Doctors?

Holy crap, look at that Bauer rookie kill card on his screen!

On noooooooooooo

You're supposed to fill your wine glass during commercial, Homeybeef.



Jack's confirmed kills! Bet he remembers every one...!



Audrey hauls jewelry boxes around the world with her.

That's it. I'm tuning out now. NOT AUDREY!!!!!!

If that is Audrey she really is ...un-beautiful...

Yeah, right...here we go down Organic Brain Syndrome Lane

So why is Wes Welker torturing Chloe?

Ditto, homey! I loathe commercials. At least they're useful here because I can heinz if I need to!

ack..Audrey. I'm late...what did I miss?

When did Jason Statham shrink, or is he just dubbing little guy's voice?

Smarmy Face doesn't know who he's dealing with...trying to disappear Bauer.

these 2 remind me of the ambiguously gay duo ....nttawwt

Audrey - lifeless and unresponsive. That's different?


Oy...standing by Audrey for three years! Talk about torture...

"She was lifeless...unrepsonsive"...

Yep, it's Audrey and she STILL is...

She's not under psychiatric care anymore?!? Why the hell not? Are the writers on psychiatric care?!?

I'm bored.

So Audrey is married to Chief of State Evil?

They love us in England.

Audrey, last time I saw you, you were lifeless, unresponsive, whatever. You haven't changed a bit!

I love you people.

Audrey was lifeless for a lot longer than 3 years

No, you can't call me Jack. We haven't been properly introduced.

"She's lifeless and unresponsive."

Very unseemly of him to bring in their sex life.

Well, Mr. Awwdry is quite the weasel. At least it's not another mole...

jack has a male spawn. awesome.

There is a male Bauer heir!

No, Mr. Interrogator. You have less options than You have thighs.

threatening him with Kim? Does this guy not know what happens when Kim goes to CTU?

Did they just threaten Jack with seeing Kim? That's worse than waterboarding.

Then go home, Ralph.

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