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May 05, 2014

24

Here is where we stand:

Four years after killing (he had NO CHOICE, DAMMIT) approximately two-thirds of the population of North America, Jack Bauer is a rogue fugitive on the run in London, which is about to be visited by United States President William Devane, who is the target of an assassination plot and is also the father of Audrey, who we assume has pictures of the writers naked with an underage sheep, because there is no other explanation for why she keeps showing up in the plot.

Chloe, who has also gone rogue, is working for some kind of outlaw hacker group.

We don't know this for a fact, but we assume some evil villains are planning to perpetrate some kind of horrendous horror.

Edgar is still dead.

We'll be updating this post during the show as developments develop. After tonight's two-hour episode ends, The Amazing Steve will recap the plot in the comments; he says he'll have a post on the first hour right after the show, and a post on the second hour a little later.

UPDATE: Jack is now an African American! No, wait, that's somebody else.

UPDATE: All the women in the CIA are really hot.

UPDATE: Aparently they are very strict about homelessness in London.

UPDATE: The hoodie!

UPDATE: Beware the Hoodie of Doom.

UPDATE: They now have Jack in captivity, which is EXACTLY WHERE HE WANTS THEM.

UPDATE: President William Devane is uncomfortable with the drones.

UPDATE: We of course already distrust this smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "He's up to something." Ha.

UPDATE: Jack Bauer is also currently doing the samba on Dancing With The Stars. 

UPDATE: The hot blonde is already in love with Jack, and WHO CAN BLAME HER?

UPDATE: Jack is like, "Oh no! Please don't put me in handcuffs!"

UPDATE: OK, I am already lost with this Kate-and-Adam subplot.

UPDATE: "Special activities" sounds like they're going to make lanyards.

UPDATE: Jack has no lines in this. His bare chest does the talking.

UPDATE: They're doing Special Activities on Chloe!

UPDATE: Jack won the samba. There are a lot of wounded.

UPDATE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO she's back, and of course she's married to the smarmy douchebag.

UPDATE: "Jack. Can I call you Jack?" Seriously? Somebody wrote that?

UPDATE: That was a major Glance Exchange, between Jack and the H.B.

UPDATE: Kate went rogue!

UPDATE: Nobody on this show EVER believes the obviously correct underling. 

UPDATE: How did they get Jack's shirt back on, with the handcuffs?

UPDATE: WHOA! KATE!

UPDATE: "You were really something Bauer, back in the day." THIS IS THE DAY, BUDDY.

UPDATE: He speaks!

UPDATE: "Nothing you haven't done." A low blow. Followed by a low blow.

UPDATE: Wasn't that in Pulp Fiction?

UPDATE: Jack didn't kill ANYBODY. He's getting soft.

UPDATE: Jack shot at Kate! It's like foreplay.

UPDATE: She can't say DROP YOUR WEAPON! That's what Jack says!

UPDATE: Always good to have a colleague nearby with an air-to-ground missile.

UPDATE: We're at war with the British?

UPDATE: PERIMETER!!!

UPDATE: The chief of staff is up his ass?

UPDATE: Chloe has several new chins.

UPDATE: "I don't have any friends." Aw, Jack. You need to stop killing them.

UPDATE: Drone subplot! Do we know the guy who said "It's done"?

UPDATE: Do we think they're going to start the second hour by recapping the first hour?

UPDATE: We BET you have your own procedures.

UPDATE: Kate has a man on the outside.

UPDATE: Chloe is living in Graffiti Kingdom with a creep.

UPDATE: "That's impossible." "Not for him."

UPDATE: Jack is not going to ask a third time.

UPDATE: "We're doing lots of backtracing, we may need some piggyback servers." We love it when Chloe talks dirty.

UPDATE: That woman has very dark roots.

UPDATE: It's the Drone Control Gang! And they're on shed-yule!

UPDATE: The Drone Control Gang has... a device!

UPDATE: The prime minister's jaw is the size of Montana.

UPDATE: Seriously, cattle could graze on that thing.

UPDATE: The Wooden Dialogue Generator is cranking away here.

UPDATE: Chloe can sulk and type at the same time.

UPDATE: Jack and Chloe, working together again. Aw.

UPDATE: Why are they wearing their overcoats indoors?

UPDATE: It's all gonna go down in West Ealing. 

UPDATE: Military justice moves VERY fast.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Let's go to West Ealing.

UPDATE: Can Chloe cut off that camera? Does a bear poop in the woods?

UPDATE: Is this Jack's first hanging?

UPDATE: "No offense, Mick."

UPDATE: Those guys were seriously outnumbered by Jack.

UPDATE: Jack, once again, gets shot by our side, which lets the real bad guy go. Way to go, our side!

UPDATE: It's been several minutes, so Jack has recovered from being shot.

UPDATE: Jack punches Kate. This is LOVE.

UPDATE: SCHEMATICS! A MULTI-CHANNEL OVERRIDE SYSTEM!! 

UPDATE: DAMMIT!!!!!

UPDATE: OK, so for now, the plot is about a Device.

UPDATE: Do we think Dark Roots is an agent?

UPDATE: She IS!

UPDATE: "Mummy's waiting."

UPDATE: Next week: More shooting. Take it, The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE THE NEXT DAY: Don't miss The Amazing Steve's recap, which is... I am searching for a word here... amazing. Here's his secret:

Photo

Comments

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Somebody may be in the market for a cochlear implant ... no, wait. He's not interested anymore. Sorry.

It's like time never stopped and 24 was just...last year! I miss you so, Jack! And I MISS YOU GUYS SO TOO!

Favorite quote of the night:
"Jack Bauer gonna Jack Bauer"

Good one, Homeybeef.

Good night, all!

Also, was anyone else creeped out by the woman calling herself, "Mommy"? Ew.

YAY Dave! Thanks!

I'm looking forward to it Steve. Snorks @ everyone. You all make 24 watchable.

My right ear hurts.

Great. Now I can't find the remote.

Well, we always wondered when they had time for bodily functions. And as far as I can remember, we have yet to see Jack pee.

Hah, tropic!

i got it - chicken parmigiano hero!

You make it hilarious is what you make it.

Now I have to go watch a show by worse than 24 writers--The Black List. Will be back for Amazing Steve!

Good job, President Earl of Sandwich!

THAT was fun. See y'all same time next week. Dave, thank you for bringing the band back together. :) *hugs*

I've missed you gals and guys! DAMMIT!

Missed this too!! And you crazy peeps!!!

Thanks, errbody! Until next time...

Siouxie! How's the machete swingin'?

Favorite quote of the night:
"Jack Bauer gonna Jack Bauer"

Good one, Homeybeef.

Good night, all!

Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 05, 2014 at 10:01 PM

I like this post

Homey, I'm glad you were here tonight and not in class. It was always hard to impersonate you. :)

Should have seen the Irish terrorist angle from the start!

@dances - machete is sharp and ready :)

LAST TIME ON “24”:

Madam President used her phone a friend to stop her agents from trying to kill Jack Bauer, which was a good thing because she would have ended up with a bunch of dead agents; Jack was warned by Madam President that the US and Russians were going to be after him, and not because they wanted his autograph; Chloe made a promise to Jack to watch after Jack’s daughter Kim and her family and sensed an opportunity to start “Chloe’s CTU Day Care”.

Chloe’s last words on the show where “Shut it down”, but after several seconds of careful scientific analysis of the video, I’ve found out that she follows that by mumbling “...but Jack will be back!”

24 Fans, we gather together here, on this blog, to witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational Jack Bauer!

LET’S GO!

No boop noises, so you know something weird is going on…

Several very short-haired guys looking around a London market for bargains, and they seem to be disturbed that even this place can't beat Walmart.

At some place that looks remarkably like CTU, Steve (no relation) Navarro asks where they are on satellite tracking, at which point everyone breaks out their iPhones and brings up Google Maps.

A blonde woman quietly packs up her office, which she's doing a remarkably good job of because she's even packed some of the walls. This woman's name is Kate. Someone named Marianna asks for Kate's encryption keys and passcodes. These need to be handed in because no one at this place has figured out that can just change each of those, and because they've been told by their upper managers that all encryption keys and passcodes need to be reused to save money.

Kate asks what's going on out there, and Marianna tells her they have a high value target that they're trying to track in London. Kate says, "Barry Manilow?" Marianna says, "No, I said HIGH value target." They both laugh. Kate asks, "Is it connected to the President being here?" Marianna tells her no, the President doesn't have anything chained to him, because he's like…the President.

Meanwhile, back at the market, the three guys meet up with two more, plus a homeless guy and get their guns ready to break into the back of a warehouse. The homeless guy cracks open a hole in the side of the wall and throws his prized robot into the room where they find someone sleeping. They break into the warehouse and find a stock pile of homeless people that haven't been put out on the Walmart shelves yet. After throwing some Dollar General smoke bombs into the room, they try to find who they're looking for.

The person they're looking for isn't there, but he is on the run. One of the guys who broke into the warehouse runs to try to find him, and runs right into a fist. Several times. The people back at makeshift CTU are watching this on a camera the guy was wearing, and it's…. JACK BAUER! Jack looks just like Jack used to, except now he's in a hoodie, which is what all the cool ex-CTU agents are wearing these days.

Jack beats up several other agents, all without firing a shot. He even uses a gate to take one of the agents out. Finally, one of the agents decides to shoot at Jack which is always a bad idea. Jack shoots back, but strangely, doesn't hit a thing. Jack is out of practice.

Meanwhile, back at CTU, Kate starts giving Jack advice about how to escape, not realizing Jack can't hear her. Jack runs outside, hits several people, beats up a few empty crates, and heads to the river. Jack jumps over the railing and... GETS CAPTURED. He just looks really mad. So mad, that he sets the boop machine off.

11:06 am – President William Devane, in disguise as President James Heller immediately violates the first rule of being a President on "24": Never stand in front of a window. After President All State, you'd think he would know that. Anyway, he's in town for a drone convention, and to explain why Amazon is using them to deliver assassinations to terrorists, which is much quicker than using Amazon Prime. He's also in town trying to convince England to keep an American base. He's informed that no other country is comfortable with even going to first base with America, let alone second or third.

The Chinese are ticked off about this whole thing, and the Navy are holding a "friendship tour", which coincidentally Jack Bauer participated in several seasons ago. The President takes the time to hold an impromptu history lesson about Roosevelt, which the whole staff appears to be worried about . Heller says that he has to go work on his speech, and needs to "go to the sandbox" because he drank too much each. Everyone leaves.

Before he leaves, Mark decides to tell Heller that he really doesn't know trivia, and corrects him. Instead of doing what he would have done as a previous Secretary of Defense (and kill him), Heller laughs it off and tells him the he'd make a good Pat Sayjak on The Price Is Right.

Steve calls Mark and says that he has Jack Bauer. Mark asks "Are you sure?" Steve says, "No, I'm Steve, but thanks for asking. Oh, and it is really Jack Bauer. It's tattooed on the back of his neck." Both of them think that Jack being in London is no coincidence. Mark seems really angry about this, so angry that he wants Jack transfer to "extra naughty, naughty" custody. He hangs up and tells a minion that overheard this that no one should hear about this. The minion doesn't point out that it's too late, because HE'S already heard it.

Back at CTU, Kate is doing some extracurricular spying, trying to figure out why Jack didn't try and get away on rooftops, considering Jack's affinity for Parkour. She tells Steve that Jack is up to something, because Jack wouldn't be this careless after being off the grid for four years. Steve thinks Jack just misses driving around in black cars.

COMMERCIAL

11:15 am – At a US Air Force Base, a guy playing a black and white video game hands over the game to a new guy who just ran into the room. The new guy phones General Sheperd in order to get a reprimand from, and get grounded for not flying his drones properly.

11:17 am – Steve decides he wants to interrogate Jack himself before the Extra Naughty, Naughty Squad gets there.

11:18 am – Kate talks to Erik, who also thinks that Jack should have tried to escape via the roof. Erik won't give any information to Kate, even though she asks for it. She has enough clearance to still be there in CTU playing with computers, but not enough clearance for that information. A guy in a beard helpfully points out that Jack is being streamed on Google Hangouts on a monitor right in the open. The monitor apparently DOES have clearance, but only clearance in black and white, not color.

11:19 am – Erik tattletales to Steve on Kate for asking about Jack. We find out that Kate's husband was selling Ancient Chinese Secrets, and she's getting kicked out of there because of it.

Beard guy (Jordan) says that he has the information for Kate, but since it's so important, he waits to tell her that she should fight the transfer. Kate points out that fighting the transfer will do no good, because it's people that will make that decision, not a piece of paper.

Kate reads that the Prague Police had a tip about Jack. It says "Doo doo doo doo, dah dah dah dah". It also has a timestamp that's out of sequence, which proves that the message from Prague is fake, planted by someone.

Down in the interrogation, the agent watching Jack is pretty impressed with Jack's vital signs, which are steady as a rock, as if Jack is either a killing machine, a robot, or not worried about anything in particular. Or that maybe the sensors they attached to him don't have a good connection. Maybe all of the above.

Steve walks in to talk to Jack. He goes into a monologue about how Jack is considered a criminal. Jack just gives him a Jack Stare, but it could well be that he's just asleep.

Further downstairs in an even MORE secret dungeon, an agent announces that Jack is going to be down in a few minutes. The special agent in charge of naughty, naughty interrogation walks into a room where CHLOE is strapped down on a table. It appears they've been doing psychotic grunge makeup experiments on her. The agent injects something into Chloe, and from her screams, we can only imagine it induces her to think of Justin Bieber.

COMMERCIAL

11:28 – Mark is in his office, looking at Jack's VERY impressive Game Center kill list when he's interrupted by a high pitched screech from someone saying "I'm almost ready". It's AUDREY! That can only mean that Mark must have lost some kind of bet. He tries to convince her to not go the reception, mainly because he doesn't want to be seen with her. They discuss President Heller's condition, which is undoubtedly caused by having Audrey as a daughter.

Mark's minion, who is trying to impersonate Batman's voice, says that he has an update about Jack.

11:30 – The minion tells Mark that Jack is about to go to the Naughty, Naughty room, and that he'll probably go to trial afterwords. Mark doesn't think that's the best course of action after Jack is interrogated. Mark says, "He could disappear." The minion says that he doesn't believe Jack has the power of invisibility, but anything is possible. Mark wants Jack handed over to the Russians. Mark is really mad about Jack and what he did to the Heller family. He says that Audrey was lifeless, unresponsive, under psychiatric care, not expected to recover… Which is all normal operating mode for Audrey AND he married her like that anyway. And he just stood by her for three years. The minion thinks that's a very long time to stand next to someone, but doesn't say anything. Mark swears, "As long as she lives, she'll never hear the name Jack Bauer". The minion takes this as a sign to kill Audrey, but then realizes that Mark only meant that Audrey has earplugs now.

President Heller and Audrey exit the building with Mark, to see a big crowd protesting Audrey's return to the show. They even have "No Drones" signs to reinforce this point.

Steve asks Jack if he can call him "Jack", which is kinda weird because I'm not sure what else he would be called, unless they started calling him "Jack Jack". Steve informs Jack that he could arrange it so he could talk to his daughter Kim, who had another baby, and they know what causes that now.

Jordan tells Kate that they figured out where that mis-timestamped message came from. It was just three blocks from where Jack was captured. Kate thinks this is really weird, and thinks Jack planted the message.

Kate tells Steve that Jack wanted to get captured, and in true CTU form, Steve doesn't take this seriously. Marianna comes down to tell them both that the orders came through, and Jack is being transferred. Possibly for a CTU agent to be named later. Kate runs back into the room and locks it. She tells Jack she knows he planted the message and that he's after someone. After seeing Kate, Jack's pulse skips a beat, but goes back to normal. Steve gets back into the room and tells her to leave. Fortunately for Jack, Steve continues to ignore Kate, and gets her escorted out of the building. He even takes away her CTU grocery rewards card.

COMMERCIAL

11:40 – Just three people are escorting Jack out of interrogation, which is a huge mistake. Just one person is escorting Kate out of the building, which is an even bigger mistake because she grabs a taser and tests it. It works! Flappy guard all over the floor, didn't make it past the first set of poles. She hides the guard in a server room, and calls Jordan. She asks if Jack has a prior history with anyone in the building. Jordan asks if she has a crush on Jack. Kate calls him a big silly and to shut up, and he says he'll call back once he finds out anything.

Outside, a really angry looking service worker (but I'm being redundant) hooks up some wires to a junction box of some kind.

Meanwhile, Erik starts insulting Jack about the way he used to be this big top dog CTU guy, but not anymore. Erik asks to be let into the Naughty, Naughty interrogation room.

Turns out that Jack really might be a robot, because he presses a button under his skin, sending a signal to the service worker, who triggers an outage. Jack proceeds to show Erik and his cohorts why Jack Bauer is still the top dog by beating them all up with both hands handcuffed behind his back. Jack even takes the time to rub it in by sitting on Erik and un-handcuffing himself.

The naughty, naughty interrogation agent opens the door and Jack says hello the way only way Jack knows how, with a gun to the face. He asks to be taken to "her", warning the guy that if he tries anything funny, he'll blow his head off. They get into the room and he sees that Chloe is hooked up to an IV, and is unconscious. Jack is really mad that this guy did this to Chloe, and knocks him out.

Jack roots around and finds a huge USB stick and drives it right into Chloe's chest, rebooting her.

Jack came to save Chloe. Damn right!

Jordan calls Kate to say he's found a connection. Chloe has changed her named Snowden, and has released a whole bunch of information about House of Representatives spending habits, the fact that the White House pays women less, and the fact that guy who is the head of the Senate likes to dress in women's clothing, and they're all really mad at her. Kate correctly assumes that Jack is breaking out Chloe. She finds Erik and one of the guards, and is so mad she shoots an innocent door before heading through it.

Jack tells Chloe to run for cover because he's going to have some fun. He knocks the knobs off of two gas lines, just as Kate appears. Kate realizes that someone let out some gas, and it wasn't anything she had for lunch, so she wisely runs for cover as Jack shoots at the gas. Big explosion, large fireball. Doors all the way two floors up inexplicably blow off their hinges.

Outside, the service worker goes to a tool chest and pulls out his standard issue rocket launcher gun, which they issue for these kinds of neighborhoods.

Kate reappears and pulls a gun on Jack. He turns around, makes a mean face.

Again, outside, the service worker shoots the pavement with the launcher, causing a huge explosion right where Kate, Jack and Chloe are. The worker sends down a ladder, and much to his surprise, out pops Jack and Chloe! It's like this was all planned or something. He takes the ladder so Kate can't follow. She runs off and the truck drives off. Kate tries to shoot the gate she's behind out of frustration.

11:53am – Audrey and Heller are riding in the limo. Heller talks about feeling history, which Audrey interprets as an uncomfortable discussion about Heller's dating Eleanor Roosevelt. She quickly changes the subject to the history lesson where Heller made a mistake, and tells him she's worried. He just makes a funny face at her, and tells her that he's terrified he'll end up like her soon.

11:54 – Back at CTU, there's a lot of Jack destruction everyone is shifting through. PERIMETER called! Kate says that they should go after Chloe, because she's been in town longer than Jack has. Steve is unconvinced, and says that he's under a microscope and can't do anything. They both look up, don't see a microscope, and continue to talk. Kate says that beside the fact the she had NO idea that her husband was a traitor, she's the right person for the job, and proceeds to prove it by trying to blackmail Steve (again, no relation). Steve looks thoughtfully into the distance.

11:56 – Chloe tries to fix her makeup and the car stops. Jack tells her to get somewhere safe. She leaves, and Jack admits he bugged the phone because he's not sure she would have said "yes" to helping him. And that he doesn't have friends. And that he can still make a sad face.

Meanwhile, a triangle shaped drone goes flying through the air under the control of the lieutenant who was playing the video game earlier. There was a very bad bug in the software, because the drone launches a missile killing Shepard. The lieutenant is horrified, even though it's pretty likely he's not going to be grounded anymore.

12:00 – COMMERCIAL


Stay tuned for hour two, in a couple hours!

(sorry this is taking a while...I'm a bit rusty!)

THANK YOU, Amazing Steve!!

you're not rusty, you're STEVE - and AMAZING:

'- He just makes a funny face at her, and tells her that he's terrified he'll end up like her soon'

lol!

i think Steve has amped up his level of detail with the summaries
[!]

Awesome job Amazing Steve!

That was GREAT, Amazing Steve!!!

If it's tomorrow in New Zealand, how come I don't have 24 yet, dammit?

Great job as usual Steve!

Steve, you are STILL Amazing!!! And I don't see a bit of rust onya.

Thank you, Amazing Steve. I have miss your wonderful summaries! All is well with the world now :).

I knew there was something I was missing. Thanks Steve. No doubt far better written than the script.

Once again the Amazing Steve is amazing.

Nursecindy!!!! Hugs!

Reading back all 8 pages. Can I have a group hug? It's good to see you all! :D

((((((((EVERYBODY!)))))))) :)

Still working on it! Posting in a little while. sorry for the delay.

I'm three hours behind East Coast time so haven't read the comments but my favorite exchange was between The Patsy and the guy in Afghanistan :

"Get out of there Major. The missile armed itself."
"What?"
"Get out of there quick."
"Huh?"
"Run you dumb mo fo, run!"
"Wha...?"

Diva... Blanklike? lol

Steve, take your time. We know it's worth waiting for!

Hey, Diva....blanklike?

Sorry this took so long. Out of practice!

HOUR 2

Last time on 24: It just happened! What's wrong with you?

12:00 pm – Chloe's walking down the street, which apparently is a safe secret place to hide, in London.

At CTU, Kate discovers Chloe's phone, which Chloe got for a very good price, free, from a stolen shipment. The naughty, naughty interrogation agent wimps out and says they usually get the local police to supply them with free phones.

Kate calls Ken who she convinces to check out the stolen cell phone number from Chloe's phone. Ken's been working for CTU, but must be retired because he looks really exasperated that people still keep calling him for info.

Steve tells Erik that Kate's back on the payroll again, at least for now. Steve tells Erik that he'll be working with Kate. In case we didn't hear it the first fifty times, Erik points out that Kate missed the fact that she was married to a SPY selling secrets to the Chinese. Steve points out that in all fairness, Kate's husband was married to a spy too. Erik's pretty mad about that.

12:02 pm - Out on the street, Chloe goes to an abandoned building site, which appears completely secure, except for the hole behind a sign, and the twelve jillion graffiti tags all over the place. She goes into the building and buzzes herself in. A bunch of people who look like they're off versions of the IT Crowd greet her. They even have a completely silent pinball machine, that one of them was playing.

The head of their group, which you can tell because he looks a LOT older than the rest of them, greets her, and asks where she's been. She sheepishly admits she's been in a CIA black site, which immediately arouses suspicions because none of them have ever had that happen before. The guy asked if they've been compromised, and she tells him that "someone I used to work with broke me out". The guy says, "That's impossible." Her response: "Not for him. It's Jack Bauer." They guy pees his pants, just a little, and yells, "Shut it down! We have to move!"

Chloe tries to reassure the guy, but that lasts all of about two seconds because Jack breaks down the door and enters, with the guy I'm beginning to suspect isn't really a service worker.

Jack calls the guy Chloe has been talking to "Adrian Cross", and begins yelling for Derrik Yates. Now it's the rest of the nerds turns to pee their pants.

Adrian says that Yates doesn't work with them anymore because they had a clash of styles, plaid and stripes. Adrian refuses. Jack responds by showing why people shouldn't disagree with people named Bauer.

Chloe asks Jack why he's looking for Yates. Jack says that he intercepted some intel that mentioned an assassination attempt in London that was linked to Yates and Chloe's organization. More maybe Gates. Or Mr. Bates. Definitely something that ended in "ates".

Adrian says that Yates started selling intel on a new system from Ebay, "Intel-bay". He says that Yates didn't follow the protocol of only posting information, not selling it.

12:06 – Chloe uses her Chloe powers to convince everyone standing around to help her look for Yates, which they immediately do, because they know that Chloe wouldn't like it very much if they didn't.

Chloe's very mad at Jack, for not just asking for her help in the first place. Jack tries to point out that if he had tried to ask in the first place, she would have just had her tongue hanging out drooling because she was unconscious at the time.

Back on the street, the camera person must not be paying attention because it moves all over the place looking for someone.

Cut to the inside of an apartment building with no doors, where a guy with a black knit cap is walking down the hall. Knit cap goes into a room where big scary guys are openly packing up drugs and counting money. We can barely understand Knit Cap says because he's speaking English. Like from England English. He's complaining about another guy at a computer, and his girlfriend.

The girl is Russian, because she has a thick Russian accent and skips words in her sentences. The guy, who we assume is Yates, tells her he's working, and she should behave or go in the other room. She understandably doesn't want to, because there are big scary guys in the other room. Yates gets a phone call from someone he considers even scarier, which is reinforced because we can only see her in dark shadows AND she speaks in foreign accent. Yates tells her that the Americans will have no idea he took over the video game, because he pinned the whole thing on someone else. The Dark Shadows lady tells him that blaming it on someone else would have been better than using a pin. Even a staple gun would have been better. He assures her they're still on schedule, even with the modifications, and with the Russian woman acting frisky. The Dark Shadows lady is pretty suspicious that something is going on, but appears to be dumb enough to fall for the "it was just the TV" excuse, at least for now.

COMMERCIAL

12:15 pm – Back at an army base, the lieutenant is getting interrogated about the drone incident. They're suspicious of him because he just had a weekend pass revoked, which tells us one thing: The army needs to hand out a LOT more weekend passes if this is how they think people will react to having one revoked.

Tanner (the lieutenant) says just to check the flight key, and to check the logged keystrokes and date. The thing is definitely army issued, because it is HUGE. You could probably log all the keystrokes in America on that thing. Tanner is informed that not only was it checked and cross checked, but it was cross-cross checked, triple cross double checked, and quintuple by-pass double scotcherooed checked. It shows that all the keystrokes came from his console. Tanner looks very worried and he insists that the flight key has something on it that will prove he's innocent. Plus he still has his family photos on that thing, and he'd really like it back.

At a party, Heller tells the Prime Minister, Alister Davies, "I can not tell you how much I appreciate your support on this, Alister". Davies looks perplexed, and says, "But you just did!" Heller tries to scare Davies by introducing him to Audrey, and then leaves her with him after Audrey says Heller is needed. Davies doesn't look nearly as worried as he should be.

Heller goes to talk with Mark and the Advisors (which would be a good name for a really dorky rock band). The general informs Heller that a drone might have, kind of, accidentally, whoopsies… killed four guys, two from our side and two from England.

Heller tells the advisors that it's important that Davies hears this news from himself, because he wants to see the expression on Davies' face when he tells him. As he turns to tell Davies, we see two British officers are already there, likely to protect the prime minister from Audrey. Audrey leaves and either she farted, or Davies just received the bad news, because he walks off in disgust before Heller can get to him.

Mark receives a call from Steve and is informed that Jack escaped. This surprises Mark, because he's obviously not as familiar with Jack as he thought. Steve says that he broke out an ex-colleague of his. Mark asks, "So he has no designs on President Heller?" Steve says that Jack doesn't even have a doodle on President Heller. Steve thinks it's very doubtful that Jack wanted the president to be killed. Mark does not like this one bit, and tells Steve that unless he gets Jack back, he can kiss his career and frequent flier miles goodbye.

Chloe continues to do her work, but gives Jack's service worker the evil eye. She says that the tattoo he has means he's been a very, very bad service worker. All the marks on his arm show how many murders he's committed, and the marks on the other arm show how many DVDs he "forgot" to return to Red Box. She asks what Jack has been up to for the last four years, and she goes into snark mode. She wants to know why he's doing this. She finally figures it out that he's doing this for Audrey! She, and the rest of Earth, throws up a little. Chloe says she's convinced that what all intelligence agencies do is criminal. He responds that she's just talking like Adrian Cross, which, for the first time that I can recall, leaves her speechless. She tells him that he's not Judge Judy or even Judge Reinhold, and that he can't judge her.

One of the nerds sees video showing the aftermath of the Afghanistan attack, and Jack quickly comes to the conclusion that Yates has been a very naughty information dispenser. Adrian says that he found out where Yates has been hiding, but it's in a place with drug dealers, and someone who is a "nasty piece of work". It looks like Jack is going to work. Jack goes to leave, and Chloe volunteers to go with. Jack leaves, and Chloe orders everyone to put down their video games and help her give Jack some communications backup.

COMMERCIAL

12:29pm – Heller tells Mark and the General (which would be a good name for a terrible TV show) that he wants to phone the Prime Minister and talk to Parliament while it's in session. Mark points out that if he does it while Parliament is out of session, it wouldn't have the same impact anyway. It's pointed out that people are already saying the incident has been white-washed, which is probably a land-speed record from the time it occurred until now for people to have come to that conclusion. Anyway, Heller decides he wants to get Chris Tanner, the drone pilot, to get here, and for the General to make the arrangements. The General doesn’t understand what flowers have to do with this, but he'll follow the orders, even though flowers are against the U.N. florist convention.

Mark is worried that Heller won't be able to handle Parliament because he's not on the "top of his game", and puts on his sad eyes as he says it. Heller smiles like a crazy uncle, and says that Mark didn't think he was up to it when he spoke at a town meeting in Ohio. From the look on Mark's face, you could tell that he didn't have the heart to tell Heller that meeting was a bunch of dogs out for a walk with their owners at the park in Washington.

Audrey says that she just passed the General, and he looked really upset. Mark doesn't want to tell her that the General was upset just because Audrey walked by, so he tells her about her father's plan to talk to Parliament. Mark is completely against it, but Audrey wants to help her father prep for the speech. She reminds Mark he did pretty well against those dogs at the park.

The Russian girl friend back at Hotel Hell, sees news coverage of the aftermath of the strike, which is somehow already on network TV, despite the strike being in the middle of Afghanistan. She asks if Yates did this, and he admits to it. She asks if he doesn't feel a teeny tiny bit bad, and Yates says, "They were already dead. They just didn't know it." She asks if he means like in that old Michael J. Fox movie, and he says, "yes". He tells her that the president is going to die on foreign soil, which is sure to trigger a huge war. His plan is to wait it out in Greenland, which is a bad plan because Greenland is the icy one, and Iceland is the green one. Anyway, that's his plan, but he has to get something done within 28 minutes, or the Dark Shadows lady is going to be very upset.

12:33 – At makeshift CTU, Jordan announces they haven't found anything. Kate enters and says two phones from the stolen shipment are at a housing project. Everyone looks shocked, SHOCKED that's where they could be. They decide to follow the lead, but someone will be in big trouble if they find teenagers with those phones.

Jack and Chloe arrive at the housing project where Yates is, and decide to do a communications check. Jack says, "Testing, 1, 2, 3," and Chloe looks at him like he's stupid. "I'm sitting RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!". She looks worried that Jack's years alone in the field might have affected him. Jack leaves and Chloe goes to try and hook up to the closed circuit cameras in run down housing projects. Because that's where you keep closed circuit cameras: in run down housing projects.

Commercial

12:39 pm – Tanner is getting more of an armed escort than Jack did. They enter a truck, probably headed for the president.

Mark and Audrey stage a mock parliament speech with Heller that goes well, all the way up until the point where Heller starts speaking. Mark asks him a series of increasingly tough questions, eventually going to the literature category in Trivial Pursuit before switching back to the dead soldiers, of which Heller said there were three (when there were really four). This throws Heller for a loop, and he looks stage left and mumbles "LINE!" under his breath. He leaves, remembering the soldier's name forgot, as he walks away. Audrey storms out because Mark yelled at her daddy.

Jack scouts out the housing complex, and asks Chloe where the people they're looking for are. Chloe, of course, has video feeds running on all the cameras in the complex already. Jack asks her to turn off the camera he's looking at, which, because of the Jack/Chloe telepathy thing, he's able to do without asking any further questions.

Bashir, the guy counting the money in the drug apartment, tells Knit Cap guy to check out the camera that went out. Knit Cap guy, who had been playing a game on his handheld device, a broken piece of TV remote control, presses control-alt-delete a few times and brings up a picture of one of their colleagues handing by the end of a rope.

With Chloe's help, Jack navigates past some bad guys right to the door where Yates is, and grabs Knit Cap guy as he steps out into the hallway.

Jack gives Knit Cap a Jack hug around the throat and escorts him back into the room with Bashir. Jack assures everyone, even the people with guns, that all he wants is Yates, and it would be a very bad idea to think that Jack couldn't hurt every one of them very badly because he's the star of the show, and they're just mostly extras. They don't believe him, and Jack proves he was right by killing a couple of them immediately, knifing Bashir in the throat.


While this is going on, Yates packs his things to leave. He dodges machine gun fire from Jack's fight, breaks through a window and escapes with his Russian girlfriend.

Jack follows, after picking up something in the apartment. He tries to shoot Yates like one of those ducks at the carnival from another catwalk, but misses.

Meanwhile, Chloe gets a phone call from Adrian, who tells her that unless she ordered food to be delivered, some agents are headed her way. She looks really worried. She did order food, but it couldn't be here that quickly.


The cars drive up to the van. Agents yell for Chloe to come out, and then open the door. The only thing left is a smoking computer, on which Chloe had quickly installed Windows 7, destroying it completely.

Kate and Erik run up to the building, and see Yates and his girlfriend. Yates calmly explains that there's a guy upstairs with a gun as he passes. Jack comes barreling down the stairs, gun his drawn and yells for Yates to stop. Jack pleads with Kate and Erik to stop Yates and his girlfriend, which of course, they don't do. He finally gets on his knees, sets down his gun when he's shot. It's Bashir, who, despite having a knife neck wound, is able to shoot Jack from over 200 yards away. The trained agents, with machine guns, can't hit Bashir, even though he remains in the relative open before ducking behind a post. Jack escapes, going after Yates. Kate and Erik follow.

COMMERCIAL

12:53pm – In an underground garage, the agents play the quite game, not letting on where they are, except for the bright flashlights they're all holding. Jack catches Kate, and tells her that she's chasing the wrong guy and he's trying to prevent an attack on Heller. A light flashes by and Kate makes what Jack thinks is a wrong move, so he gives her an autographed head butt to the face, knocking her out.

Jack sees a light above him, knocks out a board and escapes. A car drives up; it's Chloe! Despite all the noise, the rest of the agents in the garage only arrive after Jack's gone. Erik yells they have a man down, forgetting that Kate is not a man. Jack drives the car away.

Chloe is concerned that Jack is bleeding, he tells her it's OK because he's only been shot. He gives her a USB stick that he recovered from the apartment, and it turns out to be a drone commandeering system, which can control up to ten drones! Unfortunately, it starts deleting itself. It could have been a self-deleting program, or again, it could have been Windows 7. Either one.

In a bar, Yates explains to his girlfriend that Margo is likely the one that sent Jack to kill him. He wants to sell the device to someone else. He goes off to the bathroom, and the girlfriend follows into the same one, because she can't read English.

We soon see, it was something completely different. She pulls out a pick and drills it right into Yates ear, which had to really, really hurt. And caused death. She grabs the case and leaves. It turns out that she's not Russian at all, she's working with her mother, Margo! It's Catelyn Stark in disguise!

Next time: BAUER IS COMING!

oh snap. I counted: That was about 13 pages in Word. I think this summary was longer than the script!

You're the bomb, Amazing Steve! Love this: "I'M SITTING RGHT NEXT TO YOU!!!" Hahahahaha!

WOW, Steve! BRAVO!!! You still have it, man. :D

*Gives Steve a standing ovation*

Armed US military drones each have a crew of payload specialists that work with the pilot; they are not flown solo. And there is no need to control flights from the UK; there are around 60 US bases that can operate them. The whole scenario of the show is untenable (surprise!). Instead, they could have had terrorists planning to blow up Parliament from underground, but that's too much like history for 24.

Agreed! Standing ovation and deep thanks and gratitude!!!

You made sense outta a FOX nonsensical drama,
and that is no small accomplishment.

And your recap reads better than the original script.
Hope Fox learns and hires (or at least consults with)
you!

Thank you again!!!

God I've missed this! Amazing summary as always, Amazing Steve!

OK...first time caller, long time (like 7 years) listener....be gentle with me!

First of all, amazing props yet again to the Amazing Steve...anyone who can spot within seconds that the CIA may have a problem if they're concerned about their retiring agents taking their encryption keys with them is an unparalleled genius. This is just one example above of the Amazing Steve's wit that most recappers barely come close to after days, not minutes, of reflection. Bravo!

If I may add some thoughts as an English exile on the west coast of the US with an unresponsive DVR (hence my sadness that I still can't join in the fun real time), it's so fun to see 24 get things about England wrong in different, but wonderfully predictable, ways.

Firstly, it's great to see old 24 standbys back. Not just perimeters and Audrey, but the first "That's our only lead right now". In the previous 8 seasons this occured about 96 times, by my guess. I eagerly await with anticipation the inevitable result of the seemingly master criminal being killed in the bogs of a pub leading to our first " dammit, that was our only lead!", shortly, for the first of many this season.

Secondly, before I laugh at how the 24 writers used what was clearly a 2 day all-expenses-paid jolly to London to gain enough knowledge to instantly be able to write about British politics with profound insights such as "I love the history here", I must pay tribute to the indefatigable talents of Chloe. I don't know what happened to her British husband Morris, but it doesn't matter. She is great now as the Girl with the Edgar Tattoo.

Thirdly, Stephen Fry! No one in England would ever think of him as Prime Minister, so good call 24 writers for giving us Brits one of many laughs. When the next season is in the US, can you let American fans have the same reaction by having Jay Leno as the next president when Audrey's father inevitably dies or gets arrested/tortured by Jack?

Anyway, here's my English take on something y'all would have missed...certainly the Fox executives did.

Remember the bit where President Audrey's Dad forgets the name of the fourth dead British soldier? And how at the last minute he remembers it on his way out? Such an emotional moment. He's not losing his mind after all! Audrey is right! (until next time)

Good job, then, he wasn't really in front of the UK parliament (by the way, this is never called a body, ever). He said " Lieutenant (whatever)". He may as well said the soldier was an All-English guy made from aluminum. Because as all Queen's English speakers know (apart from the damn Canadians), Lieutenant is pronounced "Leftenant" in the UK. It's a bit like an English person pronouncing Michigan to rhyme with Bitchigan. That may have happened once, but I think I got away with it.

I also love the irony of an American series set in England where armed Americans can stage major anti terrorism operations with no local involvement then wonder why the local populace are not 100% onboard with a military drone program that kills foreigners with impunity. If this wasn't 24 I'd think there'd be a reckoning later in the series, but 8 previous years of making-this-stuff-up-as-they-go-along doesn't make me hopeful.

Anyway, I must go to bed. To dream crazy thoughts such as "Jack's idea of getting deliberately caught makes no sense. If he knew where Chloe was, it'd be far easier to storm the hidden torture, sorry, enhanced interrogation room than contrive to be caught and taken there"... But what do I know? I haven't had 5 years to come up with this plot.

Welcome back 24.

Jack heals faster than Frank Nitty, Arnold Schwartznegger and Sly Stallone combined.

Just like old times, I have NO flippin' idea what happens on the show until I read Steve's summary. Steve, you are a national treasure -- which means that agents of a shadowy foreign quasi-governmental Death Squad are probably establishing a perimeter around you even as we speak. But it's okay, because Jack's Back!!!

Amazing as always, Steve! !

I knew someone else would recognize Lady Stark :)

Amazing job, Steve.

That sounds redundant, somehow...

I think I remember watching "Mark and The General"....that starred Gary Coleman and Don Rickles, didn't it??? ;)

Great job, Steve!!!

Obviously Catelyn's still pissed about that whole Red Wedding thing...

:P

Awesome recap, Steve! Now I'm off to review the rest of the thread, to see what I missed...

Thanks again Amazing Steve. You are truly amazing!

Thanks, everyone!

Steve, what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yeah, AMAZING.

Pitching in another credulity-straining observation: So Yates and his spy-friend have apparently been knockin boots for how long and he never figured out that she was wearing a WIG?

Applauds Steve!
•Waves@ Siouxie!!!•
•Waves@ Diva!!!•

It's back.... my favorite TV blog!!! YES!

Amazing, Steve. Thanks.

*you owe me to replace a coffee-drenched keyboard with the Windows 7 comment*

Hodor !

" Heller smiles like a crazy uncle, and says that Mark didn't think he was up to it when he spoke at a town meeting in Ohio. From the look on Mark's face, you could tell that he didn't have the heart to tell Heller that meeting was a bunch of dogs out for a walk with their owners at the park in Washington."

How I have missed you, Amazing Steve!

*WAVES@ HAMMIE!!!!*

This has made my week. So happy we're all here again!

Awesome!!! Oh how I missed this blog and Amazing Steve. Seriously, you guys make 24 even better :)

The dude telling Kate he understands, because he hates Adam too made me laugh for a good five minutes. I'm not sure why.

Okay. I give up. Where is The Amazing Steve's recap?

Nevermind. Doh!

(Like the guy who comes puffing in at the Boston Marathon a day late, with no one around at the finish line, I would just like to add how much fun 24 is, thanks to you crazy people!)

Dave Barry, you've not really personally done anything to deserve this but stay amongst the living and gainfully employed, but thank goodness this blog is still alive!

With all of the negativity and general horribleness to be found elsewhere on the internets, it's so cool that this outpost exists, and those of us who enjoy 24 were drawn like the swallows returning to Capistrano. Welcome back, Jack (and the DB blog, too!)

Way to go, Dave Barry and Amazing Steve!

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