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April 12, 2014


10:08 a.m. A woman on Solberg Drive reported that her neighbor came onto her property and asked her to turn her non-existent music down.

1:30 p.m. The owner of a gas station in Lakeside has footage of someone stealing his giant M&M machine.

10:38 p.m. A Kalispell man reported that his wife came home upset after a dumpster diving expedition and hit him in the ribs with a phone charger. He did not need medical assistance.

1:08 a.m. A man called 911 claiming that he was tired of eating sweets and wanted a sandwich. He was advised that his sandwich order was not considered an emergency.

(Thanks to funny man)


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I guess it's safe to assume that none of the Flathead County residents attended the Orgasmic, Semiotic Cataclysms of Eyegiene and Mextasy: Digressions of Film Studies, Ethnic Studies, and Cultural Studies in the Televisual, Techno-Ontological Age of the Smartphone event.
Reportedly, someone in a gold BMW made an intentional attempt to run over a man walking down Highway 2 East.

Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A Kalispell man, Kalispell man

I wonder if there are any cat herders in Flathead County.

Dumpster diving expeditions. Oh, the Flathead Tourism Bureau is in paroxysms. New revenue from the Land O' Wonder.

Did anyone notice the "possible" connections between the 1:30 pm and then the 1:30 am "events"?

They may have solved the case. Then again, this is Flathead....

And Jerry and or Larry ouldn't use any of thses ideas to relaunch Seinfeld? What is wrong with our
"creative" writers of thsi decade?

Time to shake things up in Flathead, Maury. Make your reporters write every police blotter event in haiku.

I have to admit, I myself find it annoying when my neighbors play their nonexistent music so loud I can't understand what the voices in my head are telling me to do.

I mean, if I get it wrong, there could be some real trouble.

'stop,drop & roll' wbagnfan emergency sandwich order

We assume the "non-existent music" was by Justin Bieber and pretty much every other "musician" under the age of 50.

There's a machine that dispenses giant M&Ms? Sweet!

Maybe insanity is the way to go. I might move to Flathead Co.


10:08 a.m. A woman on Solberg Drive reported that her neighbor came onto her property and asked her to turn her non-existent music down.

Was it RAP?

Ah, "earworms" are your neighbor's fault.
I suspected as much.
Either that or some inconsiderate blogger will mention a song like "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" and your mind will immediately start, "Dee de dee de de dee dee...".
You're welcome.

"10:45 a.m. An inattentive driver in a black Prius was seen traveling southbound in the northbound lane of Highway 93." Maybe he had the battery in backwards.

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