Dave Barry's Blog

BUT HIS TEAM LOST

Polish Ultra Football Fan Set on Fire Waving Flare, Somehow Apparently Unhurt

(Thanks to Steve K)

WE WERE GOING TO MAKE A JOKE ABOUT TAKING ON ALL COMERS, BUT WE HAVE TOO MUCH CLASS

Cambridge sixth-form student beats off stiff competition to win National Schools’ Challenge 2014

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

DINING OUT IN WASHINGTON

A man relieved himself in a cup at a Kennewick restaurant, and then drank it.

(Thanks to nursecindy and Charles Cates)

HANGING IS TOO GOOD FOR HIM

Man punished for playing Celine Dion too loudly

(Thanks to Ralph)

FOR ONCE, WE AGREE WITH THE SQUIRREL

Man attacked by squirrel for taking a selfie

(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet, Matt Filar and Jeffrey Brown)

SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR THE OREGON STATE HIGHWAY DEPARTMENT

Dead blue whale 'might explode' in Newfoundland town

(Thanks to wiredog, Bill Moore, Janice Gelb, Craig Roberts and Jon Harris)

PEOPLE OF GREATER LOS ANGELES:

I'll be there tomorrow evening, doing a Live Talks LA event in Santa Monica. Please join me, and together we can make fun of Ted Habte-Gabr's haircut.

WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW HOW

Bull semen stealer violates probation

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CANADA

Dr. Seuss book Hop on Pop does not encourage ‘violence against fathers,’ libary says in rejecting ban request

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

THIS BASICALLY DESCRIBES EVERY DAY ON THE ROADS OF MIAMI

Highway shut down because of unruly river of excrement

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who saw UROE open for Motley Crue)

IF EVER A NEWS REPORT QUALIFIED FOR THIS BLOG'S STRICT POLICY...

...it would be this one.

(Thanks to Mr. Gene Weingarten)

WE DON'T PAY OUR INSPECTORS ENOUGH

Man accused of throwing bucket of urine on inspector

Of course he is innocent until proven guilty:

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and W)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

Female bikers banned from selling cupcakes at shooting range

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THERE WAS ALSO SOME SPITTING

Charges: Man rams 3 cars, 1 truck after he's turned down for date

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

CSI: BEAVERTON

Women arrested, accused of twerking, lewd behavior at Ore. city hall

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

APPARENTLY THEY DIDN'T FACTOR IN OUR DRIVING HABITS

Miami Ranked the Third Least Funny City in America

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Scientists created the world’s smallest 3-D glasses — for a praying mantis!

(Thanks to Ken Fineberg)

PLEASE PLAN ACCORDINGLY

Insurance won’t cover exploding corpse in Florida

(Thanks to J. R. Absher)

OH, THE HUMANITY

Runaway beer blimp loose over New Brunswick

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and The Perts)

WE NEED TO BAN THOSE THINGS

Corn dog dispute leads to assault case

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Mother of Chaos)

END OF AN ERA

They're demolishing the old Miami Herald building. I admit there were times I wanted to do this myself. But now it just makes me sad.

Veteran Herald guy Walter Michot shot this video.

 

FUN GAL

Chinese pensioner who has spent eight hours a day, seven days a week for the past 14 years swatting bugs... and kills up to 1,000 a day

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON LIVING

The blood preserved in the preserved relic pumpkin did not belong to Louis XVI

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

WOOF

Dog beekeeper has custom suit to avoid getting a sting in his tail

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

UPDATE: OK, this is officially out of hand:

World's first beekeeping DONKEY gets his own custom suit in Brazil

There had better not be a squirrel.

IS ROMANCE DEAD?

Neigh!

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?

A man apparently had a lizard removed from his penis – and actually enjoyed the experience.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

 

THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS

Tourist mistakes Richard Gere for beggar, gives him cold pizza

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

THESE KIDS TODAY

A report from The Amazing Steve in Central Illinois:

The small town I live in had its high school prom last night.

I drove by the high school parking lot this morning.

 

There was a camel.

 

And a zebra (on the right hand side of the picture).

 

Either there's something else going on, or these kids took prom to a whole new level.

 

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Study finds men don’t change underwear daily

(Thanks to funny man)

PIPELINE PROJECT MANAGER OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Pipeline Project Manager of the Week.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

ACCIDENTURES

The motorcyclist stopped traffic on one of Madrid’s busiest highways to look for his false teeth that flew out of his mouth.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Bat faeces 'shower' hits Norfolk Holme Hale parishioners

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT'S COMING

International Respect for Chickens Day

(Thanks to Monique)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Runaway Porta-Potty Outhouse Latrine in High Wind

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve)

SUPER RATS UPDATE

Swarm of 'super rats' spotted across the country 'expected to outnumber humans two to one by next year'

(Thanks to funny man)

SHRINKAGE WAS A FACTOR

Michael Phelps, without Speedo, loses to Ryan Lochte

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

The 82-year-old said he’d seen a couple of copperheads behind a mobile home he used as storage. So he thought Thursday was a pretty enough day to “smoke ’em out,” he told a Post reporter.

(Thanks to art Kraus)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Time to pre-order Dad's Sharknado action figure.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

LEGISLATURES IN ACTION

Massachusetts moves closer to approving fluffernutter as official state sandwich

(Thanks to Ralph)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Cameron Diaz admits she has not worn deodorant for 20 years

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

WE BET THERE'S ROOM AT GUANTANAMO

Customs Officials Detain Justin Bieber at LAX, Won't Let Him into USA

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

For Fecal Transplants, Frozen Poop Just as Good

(Thanks to John Gregg and Charles Cates)

JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE

Now: A pancake.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

MEN:

Whetever you do, do not click here.

("Thanks" to DaninTustin)

HI-YO SILVER! AWEIGH!

Idaho ranch upgrades to bigger horses for bigger tourists

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

IT HAS A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Woman defends right to use smart car to transport HORSE around

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY'RE SWITCHING TO CRYSTAL METH

School stops serving Mountain Dew before FCAT after complaints

(Thanks to Gordon Anderson and Jon Harris)

THEY WILL ALL BE ISSUED FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Arlington Designates 18 Trees as ‘Notable’

(Thanks to Ryan Young)

UPDATE ON THE WORLDWIDE EPIDEMIC OF GIANT MUTANT RATS

Swedes catch 40cm 'rat from hell' in their kitchen

France etc.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

Chinese builder hatches revenge by sending former boss 1,300 ducklings

(Thanks to zamasama)