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February 24, 2014

INSTRUCTIONS ARE FOR WUSSES

Email to the blog:

A coworker and I attempted to jump my dead battery on my Saturn. After 15 minutes of failure, I decided to take drastic actions.   Upon opening the owner's manual and finding that part about the car battery, I learned the car battery for my Saturn was located in the trunk next to the spare tire. After the car was running again, we speculated that whatever we were charging under the hood was very well charged. Of course when I actually went to drive the car, I learned that my power steering was for some reason shorted out.  In hindsight I should have consulted the internet.

-- Ronald Weil

He needed to consult this.

Posted by on February 24, 2014 at 10:13 AM | | Comments (15)

February 23, 2014

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Couple refuses to pay fare after having sex in cab

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch)

Posted by on February 23, 2014 at 09:38 AM | | Comments (18)

WE'RE SURPRISED HE DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE AUSTRALIAN WEDDING

Mourner gets drunk at funeral in London — wakes in Amsterdam

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who adds, "with a Florida driver's license")

Posted by on February 23, 2014 at 09:33 AM | | Comments (11)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Adelaide man Jacob Brookes denies being drunk after he was arrested at own wedding at Exeter

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by on February 23, 2014 at 09:30 AM | | Comments (7)

NAME THAT STATE!

Man shoots himself in leg after leaving gun safety class

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by on February 23, 2014 at 09:27 AM | | Comments (9)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE

Yeepers.

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

Posted by on February 23, 2014 at 09:25 AM | | Comments (14)

SURPRISE!

Rat tail is birthday surprise in 96-year-old Commack man's cake

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jenny Kellner)

Posted by on February 23, 2014 at 09:18 AM | | Comments (8)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

A Salem woman chased after a man and attempted to use her Taser on him after he exposed himself Thursday night.

The taser was pink.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by on February 23, 2014 at 09:02 AM | | Comments (9)

February 22, 2014

IT'S TIME TO PLAY... NAME THAT STATE!

Woman arrested after repeatedly dialing 911 while in shopping cart

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Jeff Meyerson)

There was only one of her, so police used the express arrest lane.

Posted by on February 22, 2014 at 11:19 AM | | Comments (9)

ATTENTION, IPAD OWNERS WHO USE BATHROOMS

You need this.

(Thanks to Kathy Sites)

Posted by on February 22, 2014 at 09:58 AM | | Comments (12)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by on February 22, 2014 at 09:54 AM | | Comments (6)

TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

Man beaten with icicle, robbed

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch)

Posted by on February 22, 2014 at 09:52 AM | | Comments (4)

THANKS, DUDE

Bag of pot found in pants donated to Pa. charity

(Thanks to queensbee, who asks what, exactly, was donated)

Posted by on February 22, 2014 at 09:50 AM | | Comments (4)

STAND TALL, NEW MEXICO

This Map Shows Which States Have the Longest (and Shortest) Sex

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by on February 22, 2014 at 09:49 AM | | Comments (9)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Dallas Police Have Six-Hour Standoff With an Empty Apartment

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Matt Filar)

Posted by on February 22, 2014 at 09:46 AM | | Comments (5)

February 21, 2014

DEFINITELY WASHINGTON MATERIAL

Man tried to pay tab with trillion dollar bill

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 03:46 PM | | Comments (18)

A GOOD THING FOR YOU MEN TO DO

...is not click here.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 03:39 PM | | Comments (8)

THIS JUST IN

Boat refugees returning home warm to Vietnam dong

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Related item here.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 03:35 PM | | Comments (7)

IT HAS GOT TO STOP

Shocked woman discovers weasel in her curtains

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 12:22 PM | | Comments (25)

MIAMI'S GOOD SIDE

Here's a great story about Miami motorists saving a baby who was having trouble breathing. The photos are by Herald photographer Al Diaz, who was also part of the rescue effort.

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 11:42 AM | | Comments (11)

OLYMPIC HOCKEY UPDATE

There's a lot on the line.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 11:35 AM | | Comments (17)

WE CANNOT WAIT

'Sharknado 2: The Second One' filming takes over NYC's Times Square

(Thanks to Just Some Guy)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 11:32 AM | | Comments (5)

ITS NAME IS 'HAPPY'

Scientists Discover New Marsupial That Has Sex Until It Dies

(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 11:29 AM | | Comments (6)

ALWAYS CARRY SOME

Store clerk duct tapes suspect at Clallam Bay

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 11:27 AM | | Comments (7)

ARE THE BROWNIES SELLING BROWNIES?

Girl Scouts Wisely Selling Cookies In Front Of SF Marijuana Dispensaries

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks, Charles Cates, Art Silverman and Rob Simbeck)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 11:24 AM | | Comments (13)

ALSO A 70 PERCENT CHANCE OF CRABS

‘Texas hooker' may lead to blizzard, tornadoes across the US

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 08:19 AM | | Comments (8)

IF YOU FELT EARTH TREMORS YESTERDAY

...that was Mayor Rob Ford.

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 08:17 AM | | Comments (9)

YOU MEAN THERE ARE OTHERS?

An excavation at the city’s political center has unearthed a 3-inch artifact that initially baffled archaeologists — until they realized it was one of the earliest documented feminine hygiene products in New York.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by on February 21, 2014 at 08:15 AM | | Comments (11)

February 20, 2014

THIS IS CURRENTLY MY FAVORITE T-SHIRT

IMG_1090

Just kidding! Sort of.

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 05:51 PM | | Comments (42)

BRILLIANT

michael allen shaves a font from his face for alphabeard

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 04:24 PM | | Comments (5)

WHY MIAMI IS NOT LIKE WHERE YOU LIVE

IMG_1084

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 04:13 PM | | Comments (4)

SPAWN OF SATAN UPDATE

Cat Bites Are Linked To Depression

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 03:45 PM | | Comments (8)

IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE, TAKE MONEY

NYC pay toilet charges $8 a day

(Thanks to Jeff Schneider)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 03:41 PM | | Comments (5)

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

Mall security guards crack down on steampunk carousel riders.

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 03:32 PM | | Comments (10)

ATTENTION, MEN:

Here's how to be manly.

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 03:27 PM | | Comments (8)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

A guy got his stuck Twix bar out of a vending machine using a forklift.

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch and Chuck Cody)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 03:24 PM | | Comments (6)

HO HUM

Security guard shoots sword-wielding man at Miami supermarket

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ryan Jentzsch)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 03:22 PM | | Comments (7)

LE DUDE

Seized Marijuana In French Police Station Getting Cops High

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 10:16 AM | | Comments (9)

ENGINEERS GET WACKY

Six teams were given 10 minutes to tape a teammate to the wall. The team with the person who stayed on the wall the longest was declared the winner.

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(Thanks to Chris Knight)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 10:15 AM | | Comments (13)

WE WOULD SEND A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

...but our strict policy prohibits us from even mentioning this incident.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 10:06 AM | | Comments (11)

NO URANUS JOKES, PLEASE

Muslims have been warned in a Fatwa not to go and live on Mars because it would pose "a real risk to life", according to a Dubai news organisation.

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Jeff Schneider)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 10:03 AM | | Comments (11)

IT WON'T BE EASY

Barbie wannabe with 32JJ boobs has hypnotherapy to be more STUPID

Advisory: Monster fake gazombas.

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 09:59 AM | | Comments (14)

DEPARTMENT OF THINGS WE WOULD PREFER NOT TO KNOW

Baby-Poop Bacteria Help Make Healthy Sausages

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 09:52 AM | | Comments (7)

CSI: BEAUFORT COUNTY

Argument over Barry White song causes disturbance

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 09:47 AM | | Comments (7)

HOW WILL THIS IMPACT RUDOLPH?

Reindeer get fluorescent antlers to reduce roadkill

Finland-fluorescent-antlers

(Thanks to The Perts, Claire Martin, Roberto and Mag Last)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 09:45 AM | | Comments (10)

HE WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT BAIT

Shoplifter stuck fishing poles down his pants at Rock Hill Walmart

(Thanks to J.R.Absher)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 09:43 AM | | Comments (10)

WE SAW ICE MISSILE OPEN FOR THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION

Drivers ticketed for failing to clear snow off their vehicles under new 'ice missile' law

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by on February 20, 2014 at 09:39 AM | | Comments (5)

February 19, 2014

THE SPORTS REPORT

Mickey Mantle is Almost Assuredly Farting in This Unpublished Photo from 1961

This has been The Sports Report.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by on February 19, 2014 at 03:42 PM | | Comments (15)

DEPARTMENT OF INEVITABILITY

Hooters restaurant coming to Phuket

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by on February 19, 2014 at 03:39 PM | | Comments (5)

WHERE THE *HELL* IS THE UNITED NATIONS?

'Suppliers denied Norway ski wax to help rivals'

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

Posted by on February 19, 2014 at 03:31 PM | | Comments (10)

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