INSTRUCTIONS ARE FOR WUSSES
Email to the blog:
A coworker and I attempted to jump my dead battery on my Saturn. After 15 minutes of failure, I decided to take drastic actions. Upon opening the owner's manual and finding that part about the car battery, I learned the car battery for my Saturn was located in the trunk next to the spare tire. After the car was running again, we speculated that whatever we were charging under the hood was very well charged. Of course when I actually went to drive the car, I learned that my power steering was for some reason shorted out. In hindsight I should have consulted the internet.
-- Ronald Weil
He needed to consult this.
You will need muscles. Especially being an owner of a Saturn. Eat your hominy.
Posted by: manual tomato | February 24, 2014 at 10:41 AM
How do you not cause something to explode when you hook up the power steering pump to the battery?
Posted by: wiredog | February 24, 2014 at 10:42 AM
I remember being called to jump my son-in-law's Saturn and being surprised at the battery location. I kept saying, "Are you *SURE* we're not charging the fuel tank?..."
Some Saturns (including his) were prone to random ignition failure. If the engine didn't crank on the first go the Saturn would kill the ignition switch for 15 to 30 minutes, probably for your protection and convenience.
Posted by: Allen at Division | February 24, 2014 at 10:54 AM
Hey Allen, remember, they said it was a new kind of car company.
Posted by: Spiny Norman | February 24, 2014 at 10:59 AM
My buddy had a Corvair. The entire engine was in the trunk. He could get the front wheels to come off the ground from a standing start using a maneuver know only to men. Another friend had a Pinto. He ended up serving time like a man.
Posted by: manual tomato | February 24, 2014 at 11:45 AM
There are some vehicles with the battery located underneath the rear passenger seat.
In this case, I think the blasted Saturn is a fitting end for the vehicle.
Posted by: Not My Usual Alias | February 24, 2014 at 12:03 PM
I had an atv with a faulty butterfly choke. To start it, you had to simultaneously turn the ignition and reach way behind you with your free hand to cover the intake. This involved reaching across both battery terminals, so heads up. I only made that mistake once. But hey, I was 12. Oh yeah, and a girl.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | February 24, 2014 at 12:06 PM
i changed the batteries in my train last christmas. i had to slide the little caboose door open, line the batteries up (*sigh* - in the 'correct order' - ew!) then push it closed real tight or it wouldn't run.
*broke a nail*
Posted by: ligirl | February 24, 2014 at 12:52 PM
We had two Saturns. I don't remember the battery in the back, but I do recall some warning that was supposed to be issued to the Jiffy-Lube guys because what looked like the oil filter, or the drain plug, I forget which, was actually something else.
Posted by: MazarLarry | February 24, 2014 at 01:12 PM
This is why I live next door to Jim. If I need anything fixed I just ring his doorbell and before you know it (1 day-6 weeks) he's fixed it! You just have to cover the ears of any nearby kids or priests. Everybody should have a Jim next door.
Posted by: nursecindy | February 24, 2014 at 01:17 PM
While riding in the back seat of my buddy Randy's Beetle, I said there was something burning.
He pulled the car off into someone's drive, jumped out (and made me get out, too), and dragged the back seat out.
"Battery's on fire," he said. "Again."
Posted by: Steve | February 24, 2014 at 06:10 PM
The battery in our Saturn is in the "usual" location ... we decided last fall to replace it, in case our Nodak winter turned out to be colder than average (meh ... about the same, so far, but with stranger fluctuations) ...
So, after 12 years of reliable starts, while racking up 175,000 miles, we got a new & better battery ...
MB(RH?) left the lights on @ werk one day, requiring a boost ... then I left the lights on @ the State Wrestling meet, requiring another one (the auto is so old, the "lights on dinger reminder" no longer werks) ...
Mebbe we should've replaced (recharged?) our brain batteries @ the same time?
Posted by: O the U(manity) | February 24, 2014 at 09:24 PM
And all along I thought this was going to be another weenie parenting book that I would never need. Looks like it's safe to buy a copy to read while drinking a timing beer or three.
Posted by: Loudmouth | February 25, 2014 at 07:59 AM
My daughter's Saturn has the battery in the trunk. But regardless, I have to ask: How does one mistake a power steering pump for a battery? Or for that matter, how does anyone mistake ANYTHING else for a battery? They're pretty easy to identify...big square black thing with a red thing and a black thing coming from it.
Posted by: Bill J. | February 25, 2014 at 08:04 AM
NMUA, the car with the battery was the Uranus.
Posted by: Loudmouth | February 25, 2014 at 08:04 AM