BRILLIANT
Drunk man mistakes police officer for stripper, gets arrested
(Thanks to Jon Harris)
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January 31, 2014
YOUNG LOVE
Man faces charges for allegedly setting girlfriend’s pants on fire
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
Be advised that this blog is not making fun of the suspect's name.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE NO CHOICE
Farmer bites brother’s penis over electricity bill
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
SEAHAWKS TO WIN SUPER BOWL
THOUGHTFUL
Man tries to rob Penn. Hallmark store with death threat written on card
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
A FLORIDA LICENSE...
IT'S ALL STARTING TO COME TOGETHER
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford defends Justin Bieber
(Thanks to Craig Roberts and Bill Jones)
PRIORITIES, DUDE
TSA confiscates water bottle, but not pot
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
'SAD COW FACE'
No Super Bowl ad for Nampa fertilizer company
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
THERE IS A GOD
‘Sharknado’ stars Ian Ziering and Tara Reid reuniting for New York-based sequel
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
WE PAUSE NOW FOR SOME HARDCORE BOOK STRUMPETING
Coming March 4th:
YOU CAN DATE BOYS WHEN YOU'RE FORTY:
Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About
A brilliantly funny exploration of the twin mysteries of parenthood and families from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times–bestselling author
Learn more at DaveBarry.com
WAKE THE HECK UP, AMERICA
Forget hackers: Squirrels are a bigger threat to America's power grid
(Thanks to Darkicered and Jay Brandes)
IT'S NAMED 'AMORE'
Pope Francis blesses former male stripper's parrot
(Thanks to Ralph and Bob Brogan)
In other parrot news: Learner driver busted on highway being supervised by pet parrot
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
January 30, 2014
'AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY, DEAR?'
Man somehow survives going through wood chipper
(Thanks to Jay Brandes)
GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY
Science Confirms the Existence and Purpose of Rebound Sex
(Thanks to Mag Last)
WE CAN QUIT ANY TIME, YOU HEAR? WECANQUITANYTIME!!!!!
Experts Warn Of ‘Caffeine Use Disorder’
(Thanks to coscolo)
WE CAN THINK OF AN APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT
New York man pleads guilty to smuggling nearly 40,000 piranhas into the U.S.
(Thanks to ScottMGS)
ATTENTION, LADIES
10 Reasons To Lift Weights With Your Vagina
(Thanks to Rich Steurer)
CRIME DOES *NOT* PAY
Suspect in downtown shooting being treated for self-inflicted wound to testicles
(Thanks to Wolverine)
WE NEED TO BAN IT
(Thanks to funny man)
OBITUARY OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Unfortunately our strict policy etc.
(Thanks to Ross Holley)
RESOURCEFUL
Woman seeks hospitalization to avoid blind date
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
THE DOG IS NOT TALKING
Dog Faces Trial For Biting Bank Worker’s Penis
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
MEANWHILE IN SPORTS
Gareth Bale’s balls are fine, insists Real Madrid coach Carlo Ancelotti
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
SUCH A LUCKY CHILD
Parents name newborn Cyndee Leigh 12th Mann in tribute to Seahawks
(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)
NAME THAT STATE!
Police: Armed man tried to enter bank through 'exit only' door
(Thanks to Ralph)
ALWAYS GOOD ADVICE
Condom maker: Don't use condoms from exploded vending machine
(Thanks to Ralph)
SEZ YOU
Barry Manilow rising from punch line to cool
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
THE NEWS FROM AFRICA
Nigerian woman disowns cat because she thinks he's gay
This has been The News From Africa.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ryan Jentzsch)
TO THE HOTEL, AND MUSH!
Norway airport launches first dog-sled taxis
(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)
TOTALLY JUSTIFIED
Massachusetts man kicks wife, tries to stab cat in rage over $1 freezer bags
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
NATURE
Large testicles are linked to infidelity
(Thanks to funny man, Bill Jones and Bill Hudgins)
Warning: Disturbing photo.
'I'D LIKE TO ORDER A TOY'
Heroin sold in McDonald's Happy Meals in Pittsburgh, police say
(Thanks to The Perts and Rob Simbeck)
YOU THINK THERE'S NO SKILL INVOLVED IN BEING A TV WEATHER PERSON?
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Poker)
BUT NOT AS MUCH AS SHUTTING THE HELL UP
Gossiping benefits society, study claims
(Thanks to Loudmouth, who says "That's not what I heard.")
January 29, 2014
OK, THEN
(Thanks to Don Raymond, who notes that the concept of casino snakes was explored in this classic work of fiction.)
IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?
Man Crashes Car Into Fried Chicken Restaurant, Strips Naked, Masturbates in Intersection
(Thanks to Charles Cates and Jeff Renner)
JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE
Now: In a toe bruise.
(Thanks to James Madigan)
TOTALLY RATIONAL
British woman suffers from fear of newspapers
(Thanks to Omniskeptic)
SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE
Firefighters tackle overheated Christmas Pudding in Saxilby
(Thanks to Matt Filar)
THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS
Now they're using zombie bees.
(Thanks to Another Ralph)
CSSSSSSSSI: BROOKLYN
Cops surprised by bag of snakes left on Brooklyn sidewalk
(Thanks to Janice Gelb)
WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DEAD
WE RECENTLY MADE EXACTLY THIS POINT. WE THINK.
The Older Mind May Just Be a Fuller Mind
(Thanks to Steve K.)
MOO MEANS MOO
Animal Sex Jury Erupts in Laughter After Hearing Man Was Rejected By Cow
(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch, Unholy Slacker, Matt Filar, Richard Wise and Omniskeptic)
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY WIN A GRAMMY
Sexual Cannibal Spiders May Have Poor Impulse Control
(Thanks to RussellMc)
January 28, 2014
RELATIONSHIP OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Woman wishes to undo kidney donation to allegedly cheating husband
(Thanks to Bob Brogan)
HIGHER ED, YO
University offers course on Jay Z and Kanye West's relationship
(Thanks to The Perts)
WE'D BE MORE IMPRESSED IF HE CARRIED A GUITAR
Mexican Skier to Wear Skin-Tight Mariachi Suit During Olympics
(Thanks to Jay Brandes)
STAY!
Most respondents - 95% - said they'd definitely done it with a pet in the room.
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)