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December 19, 2013


Farting cows are killing the planet, say scientists

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)


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I once saw a scientist try to kill Mars with his own 'stinky'.

Farting Cows opened for the Hank Wangford Band.

Scientists have hit the eggnog early this year.

Farting scientists are the real problem.

I'm eating the cows as fast as I can.
Just trying to help, of course.

ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for wait... hold your nose

Farting co-workers are killing the cube farm.

Farting cows are killing the planet,
As seen in the novel by Dashiell Hammett.
It's in The Maltese Guernsey, dammit.
If you don't believe it, you can crammit,
Or like von Tegetthoff, try to rammit,
Or invent a scheme and widely spammit,
Or come up with something that will jammit,
Or eat your steak, and save the planet.

These soylent green advocates never give up.

So does this mean we DO eat the cows or that we DON'T eat the cows? It's so hard to keep up.

For some reason, this vaguely reminds me of a joke my friends and I would laugh hysterically at when we were kids. The only thing I remember is that it involved a pig, a cork and a monkey...and we didn't tell the joke when parents were around.

Now, how did that joke go?

Garg' ... there were a couple of guys, a car, and the monkey and pig were in the trunk ... except ... I think the way we heard it, the corkee wuz a goat ...

But if they don't fart won't they explode or something?

Here we go again...blame the cows, when most of the destruction of the planet is being caused by man-made toxic emissions.

It's the same convoluted logic that's practiced by most yuppies...they run to Target and purchase lots of junk made in China, who's one of the worst environmental offenders, and then carry their stuff home in their hippie 'green' bags and act all self-rightgeous if it all doesn't fit and the clerk is forced to give them a dreaded plastic bag or two.

The media is getting the story wrong again -- most of the methane is from belching, not farting.

Would someone like to ruminate on why this flagrantly false flatulence folderol persists?

Farting cows
Farting cows
Farting all the way
Oh what fun it is to kill
The pla-a-net today!

I saw a politician on tv who claimed it was dinasour farts that caused the event that ended their own existence on the planet. All those puffy cows and my husband could be putting us all at risk!

The punch line is "All I remember, your Honor, is that poor little monkey trying to put the cork back in."

This sounds like a lot of bull.

A non-scientific bear-on-the-street poll showed that bears and other non-human carnivores are overwhelmingly in favor of reducing human-caused pollution. Scientists warned, however, that humans contain such high levels of toxins that eating them is not recommended. Plus they have guns.

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