JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE SITUATION IN FLATHEAD COUNTY COULD NOT GET ANY MORE DIRE

8:00 a.m. Someone called in claiming to have watched numerous cows “jog” over the top of a dead cow.

Also:

12:48 p.m. A woman on Conrad Drive reported that someone had wrapped a dead snake around her doorknob. Although the woman wanted it unwrapped and removed, the snake was gone when an animal warden arrived.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Comments

[manual tomato]

12:49 a.m. It Was Just My Just My Imagination was performed by live by The temptations near the earlier reported damaged trampoline. The Flying Melinda's...

[Roberto]

9:50 a.m. A woman walking down Kuzmic Lane in Coram heard what she thought was a call for help. A deputy determined that the noise came from a nearby group of noisy goats.

I am sure I saw The Noisy Goats at the Coachella Festival a few years back.

[manual tomato]

12:49 a.m. It Was Just My Imagination was performed by live by The temptations near the earlier reported damaged trampoline. The Flying Melinda's...

[manual tomato]

12:58 a.m. After an intensive investigation like no other Flathead Co. has experienced, the snake was found and is believed to be Marilyn McCoo.

[oneblankspace]

12:01 a.m. A dog on Ridgewood Drive barked for approximately 15 minutes. (Tuesday-Wednesday 20-21 August)

That's what dogs do when they're doing rather than dooing.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I saw Shirtless Clown & The Lug Nuts open for The Noisy Goats.

[PirateBoy the Anti-Clown Spokesman]

More lug nut references? Jeff, do I see a trend here?

[Omniskeptic]

Another nascent euphemism. "She really had a dead snake wrapped around her doorknob that time!"

I don't know what it's a euphemism for, but that's not really my problem.

[Clankie]

Naturally dead snakes don't stick around when they hear the Animal Warden is coming.

[Fabian Marson]

The UN Security Council held an emergency session on Flathead County. Russia and China vetoed a proposal to send in peacekeepers.

[Omniskeptic]

They know it's unwinnable.

[Steve]

By a strange coincidence, my daughter was on the phone with a friend last night. Her friend reported that her husband (the friend's) had just opened the door to find a snake wrapped around the door knob.
I butted in to tell the friend that it was most likely a rat snake, and harmless.
They already knew that and had sent the snake on his way.

[JD]

"9:50 a.m. A woman walking down Kuzmic Lane in Coram heard what she thought was a call for help. A deputy determined that the noise came from a nearby group of noisy goats."

What were the goats doing to that poor person who was calling for help? I guess Flathead County deputies are no match for a group of goats.