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August 31, 2013

HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND, EAST-COASTERS!

Stay on the beach.

Shark2_s640x427

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

DEPARTMENT OF THINGS ONLY GUYS THINK OF

‘I love fire and wheelchairs so I thought why not put them together?’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IF THAT CASE, HE IS FREE TO GO

Man says Fort Pierce cops weighed his cocaine wrong, says he knows 'because that's what he does for a living'

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

August 30, 2013

WHEN YOU'VE LOST THE FOAM-FINGER INVENTOR, YOU'VE LOST THE NATION

Foam Finger Inventor Says Miley Cyrus 'Degraded an Honorable Icon'

(Thanks to Roberto)

ROCK BOTTOM REMAINDERS AND BRUCE, 1992

Hey Dave!
I took this photo in 1992 at the ABA convention concert. I recognize you, Stephen, and The Boss. Would you please you remind me who the others are?
I have misplaced it, but I still have the yellow pick Stephen was playing with. Of course, when I tell people who it belonged to and the details of the concert, no one believes me. 
Take care!
Jamie Dotson
Photo

Thanks for the photo. I think that was 1994, not 1992. Unfortunately the only people I recognize for sure are Stephen King and Bruce Springsteen. I think the blond woman is a terrific singer named Keta Bill, who sometimes joined us; I don't remember the name of the guy next to me. Or much of anything else. I do know, however, that Springsteen is playing my Stratocaster, which I still have, although for some reason it doesn't sound as good when I play it as when he did.
Plug: If you want to read about this and many other Remainders adventures, you can buy the entertaining ebook we just wrote, Hard Listening. We write a lot better than we sound.

WE MIGHT USE A WORD OTHER THAN 'BEHIND'

Fit for a Royal Behind – Hanebisho, the World’s Most Expensive Toilet Paper That Costs $17 a Roll

(Thanks to Heather Lubay)

THINGS CALMED DOWN AFTER THE ALIENS VAPORIZED THEM

A gimmicky promotion about an alien takeover at a radio station wound up scaring some residents of a north Alabama community.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

THEY LET HIM IN THE KITCHEN?

Ozzy Osbourne starts house fire making bacon sandwich

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

YA THINK?

A box containing the head and two human hands covered in blood also had the message: "Kavuludi, you are next". The police say they are interpreting it as a death threat.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE SAW TRESPASSING BEAVER OPEN FOR THE OVERLY DRUGGED COWS

Officials at the Oregon Zoo said a mountain beaver was returned to the woods after trespassing in the facility's otter exhibit.

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Japan Invents In-Car Rice Cooker

(Thanks to Ron G.)

MULTI-TASKER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Mum busted for breastfeeding on moped

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BRING THE COFFIN LID TO ITS FULL UPRIGHT AND LOCKED POSITION

'Prepare doors for landing': Funeral is interrupted by air stewardess' message after radio signals from passing plane are picked up by church's speakers

(Thanks to Ralph)

MAYBE HE WAS JUST HAPPY TO SEE THEM

Man’s attempt to smuggle fish thwarted after officials spot his wet trousers

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Phil McAvity)

YES, DEAR

Research shows couples can tune out spouse's voice

(Thanks to The Perts)

THEY'RE GOING TO LICK THEM TO DEATH

Florida to call on Labrador retrievers to stem Giant Snail invasion

(Thanks to Ralph, Jon Harris and Rick Day)

IN THIS SITUATION, HE'S SUPPOSED TO USE HIS TASER

Maury County Sheriff's Chief Deputy Nathan Johns said Lt. Andy Jackson, head of the department's Central Investigations Division, was reprimanded after he admitted to firing his handgun into the air to ward off a turkey he discovered defecating on the hood of his patrol car outside the department's detective division at 7:30 a.m. July 29, The (Columbia, Tenn.) Daily Herald reported Thursday.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE SOUR CREAM

Potatoes all over Pasco.

13vJyS.AuSt.13

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

MOO, DUDE

Idaho farm to stop selling overly drugged cows

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

We saw them open for the Partridge Family.

INSPIRING

A bald eagle released in a packed auditorium at an Oklahoma university tried to take a detour out of the room, but came to an abrupt stop when it slammed into a window and dropped to the ground

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

THE NFL IS FOR PANSIES

Unicycle Football, A Sport Similar to American Football Played While Riding Unicycles

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

August 29, 2013

MEANWHILE IN SPACE

Trojan Asteroid Found Orbiting Uranus

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SOMETIMES WE THINK THE JAPANESE DO THESE THINGS JUST TO MESS WITH WESTERN JOURNALISTS

Cleaning public toilets is considered a social activity in Japan. In fact, one group even has a Facebook page and meets once a week to disinfect, scrub, and bond in the bathroom.

(Thanks to Mag Last)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Squirrel interrupts U.S. Open match

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

POKER PROFESSIONAL OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately our strict policy etc.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

SITTING ON A GOLD MINE

Woman hospitalized to remove stolen $5,000 from rectum

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE'LL JUST HAVE A BEER, THANKS

Colcord, Oklahoma, residents told to watch out for blood worms in water supply

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown and Jay Brandes)

SOUTH CAROLINA: STATE OF ROMANCE

Couple Arrested For Shacking Up At Home Depot

In a display shed.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, Jeffrey Brown, Allen at Division, Jon Johnson and Greg Snow, who says: "You can do it. We can help.")

CANDYGRAM

New species of 'walking' shark discovered

(Thanks to Ron G.)

(For those whippersnappers who don't get the reference: link.)

I FOUGHT THE LAW, AND I ALSO *WAS* THE LAW

Rival campers who opened fire turn out to be sheriff's deputies

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

CSI: NEW ZEALAND

Man in cow onesie spotted stealing steak

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

IF THEY WERE REALLY SMART, THEY'D STOP TASTING SO GOOD

Vegan scientists: pigs smart as dogs

(Thanks to Alberto Mengoni, who says "Then we can feel relieved that we reduce them to salami.")

CATCH, DUDE!

Man shoots arrow wrapped with marijuana at Whatcom County Jail

(Thanks to Edward Wurtz, Warren Anderson, Scott, Allen at Division and J.R. Absher)

Whatcom County?

THEIR BRAINS ARE OCCUPIED, WHAT WITH RUNNING THE COUNTRY AND ALL

Drivers in Washington, D.C., crash more than anyone, Allstate says

(Thanks to Ron G. and wiredog)

THAT WOULD EXPLAIN FLORIDA

Earth life 'may have come from Mars'

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR HIM

Texas turns to Ted Nugent to control feral pig epidemic

(Thanks to funny man)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

Now they want to charge you to be in the big Spanish tomato fight.

(Thanks to funny man)

JUST WHEN YOU THINK FLORIDA HAS NO MORE CONTRIBUTIONS TO MAKE TO SOCIETY....

Buttwater!

(Thanks to Richard Hicks)

NO MORE PENCILS, NO MORE BOOKS

In the Detroit School District alone, 201 teachers are moonlighting as sugar babies to offset wage cuts and job losses, according to dating website SeekingArrangement.com.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

WHY WE STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS

Police respond to 911 call about 'giant spider'

Key Excerpt: The officer reported finding the spider, measuring about 2 inches in diameter, and disposing of it with a rolled-up newspaper.

(Thanks to Ralph, who says: "Charlotte?")

THIS BLOG HAS ABSOLUTELY NO COMMENT

Chinese shopping malls installing women-only car parks (and yes… they have larger spaces)

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING WHERE REALITY-TV VIEWERS COME FROM

Scientists grow 'mini human brains' from stem cells

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Suzie Q. Wacvet and Jon Harris)

August 28, 2013

SOCCER:

Sport of Passion.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "at least somebody scored.")

NAME THAT STATE!

This woman failed the ultimate field sobriety test when she tried to steal deputy's patrol vehicle.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GOSPEL RECORDINGS IN THE NEWS

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you this week's edition of Gospel Recordings in the News.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE COWSILLS

A gang of angry drunken elk barred a man from entering his home in suburban Stockholm on Tuesday, leaving the frightened homeowner no choice but to call police for help.

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

IN THAT CASE, WE'RE ON OUR WAY!

Phuket's Brownout in Patong Bay 'Unlikely to Be Human Waste'

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THIS HAPPENS TO US A LOT

University of Washington researcher Rajesh Rao sends a brain signal to Andrea Stocco via the Internet, causing Stocco's right hand to move on a keyboard.

(Thanks to The Perts)

SEATTLE DINING NOTE

Woman arrested after restaurant guests covered in soy sauce

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU NEED A REASON?

Why I fling poo - law student

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who says "He will make an excellent litigator."

 
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