Dave Barry's Blog

YUM

Many ready-to-eat salads 'riddled with fungi'

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

SEND THEM TO... NEVER MIND

Snakes Falling Out of Trees in Walter Pierce Park in Adams Morgan

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Termite Apocalypse

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Massachusetts auditor finds more than 1,000 dead people on welfare

(Thanks to Debbie in the Hague)

HUH?

Be the life at your next anatomy class. 4 real specimen cups filled with real candy pee.

(Thanks to Bill McGeachen)

THEY WERE REUNITED WITH THEIR OWNERS, THEN BIT THEM

Tarantula, snake saved from Newport fire

(Thanks to Poker)

THEY USED FLORIDA ELECTION OFFICIALS

Miss Universe Canada crowns wrong winner

(Thanks to The Perts)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Kettle Resembles Hitler On J.C. Penney Billboard, Passersby Say

(Thanks to Mag Last)

THOSE WOMEN CAN BE PRETTY DESPER... OH, WAIT, *THAT* KIND OF COUGAR

Banff man says he fought cougar off with skateboard

(Thanks to Omniskeptic and Jon Harris)

DEPARTMENT OF THINGS THAT ONLY GUYS WOULD THINK OF

Extreme Barbie Jeep Racing

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

CELEBRITY GLAMOUR UPDATE

Koala pees on Geri Halliwell's bag at Australian zoo

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

HE HAS OUR FULL SUPPORT

The mayor of Rio de Janeiro, Eduardo Paes, punched a constituent in the face after being called the Portuguese equivalent of “excrement” in a dispute before stunned diners at a Japanese restaurant.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Lani)

DON'T FORGET TO FEED THE BEDBUGS

6 cool insects you can raise at home

(Thanks to The Perts)

LAND OF MYSTERY

Canadians ask Bank of Canada about maple syrup smell on new bank notes

(Thanks to Ron G., Janice Gelb, Jeff Meyerson and DaninTustin)

SUDDENLY, WE ARE CONCERNED

German brewers warn fracking could hurt beer industry

(Thanks to The Perts)

ONE BY ONE WE ARE LOSING OUR CORE VALUES

Daredevils defy health and safety zealots by holding Cheese Rolling race (but they chase a lightweight foam version to make it safer)

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby With A Bum Back)

THE DOLPHINS ACCEPT ALL MAJOR INSURANCE PLANS

Heading to Hawaii for dolphin-assisted birth

(Thanks to Ron G. and Matt Filar)

ALMOST DOUBLE THE COST OF HIS HAIRPIECE

Donald Trump has spent more than $1 million on electoral research for a potential presidential run in 2016.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

THEY WOULD BE RIGHT AT HOME ON THE ROADS OF FLORIDA

Saudi drivers in 'sidewalk skiing' craze

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

RUSSIA

Apparently they don't have OSHA over there.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Large badger causes 'hysteria' at girls' school

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

BRILLIANT

Beardvertising.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WHICH IS WHY YOU MUST NEVER GO NEAR IT WITHOUT BEER

Your BBQ grill may have more germs than a toilet seat

(Thanks to Ron G.)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Demi Moore's new man Will Hanigan has a pearl in his penis

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

HOT DOG HOOKER UPDATE

She's back in action.

Here's the Post version.

(Thanks to Jon ["Avoid the special sauce"] Harris, Little Big Man and Jeff Meyerson)

IT ALSO PROBABLY HAS MORE TALENT

Dear Artists: Michael Jackson’s chimp is making more money than you as a painter

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IT COULD NOT BE PROUDER

Monkey with Blue Genitals Makes Top 10 New Species of 2012

(Thanks to Joe in Japan and Omniskeptic)

THIS WILL CERTAINLY HELP DISPEL SOME UGLY STEREOTYPES ABOUT CANADIANS

Nova Scotia high school has created a curriculum where every subject — from physics to design technology to dance — centres on hockey.

(Thanks to The Perts)

RESTAURANT STREET ADDRESS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from etc.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

Bee rustlers add to misery of struggling hive owners

Apparently some of them have gone shopping: Exeter shopping centre becomes home to 10,000 bees

(Thanks to Barbara A)

MEMORIAL DAY

Hope it's a good one for you. But don't forget why it's called Memorial Day.

NEWS YOU CAN USE

How to Detoxify a Cow Fart

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve and Jeffrey Brown)

UPDATE ON THE GIANT RUBBER HONG KONG DUCK THAT WAS SINKING

It's back.

(Thanks to Ralph)

We're frankly getting a little tired of the giant rubber Hong Kong duck and all its melodrama.

FIRST THE ROACHES EVOLVE, AND NOW THIS

The first animal example of genetic engineering is the spider goat.

(Thanks to Samuel Sprague)

SWELL

Roaches evolving to evade traps, scientists say

(Thanks to The Perts)

POOR THING

A London woman has made headlines after going public with her decision to quit her job because she's too attractive.

(Thanks to The Perts)

IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Vials of moon dust brought back to Earth by the first men on the moon have been found inside a lab warehouse in California after sitting in storage unnoticed for more than 40 years.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

LET FREEDOM RING

A 56-year-old Madison man who likes to ride around town on a scooter wearing a thong, a helmet and a black cape with red trim might be a disturbing sight to schoolchildren and teachers, but he’s not breaking any laws.

(Thanks to coscolo, Jeff Meyerson, Joe in Japan and DaninTustin)

IT CAN'T BE WORSE THAN BUD LIGHT

Elephant Dung Beer

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WAIT... ILLINOIS HAS RULES?

Illinois judge charged with heroin, gun possession

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WHOEVER WROTE THIS REPORT HAS NOT BEEN TO FLORIDA

Amphibians declining in the U.S., report says

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Finally: DVDs That Smell Like Pizza After You’re Done Watching Them

(Thanks to Steve K)

AVOID THE LARGE BREATH MINTS

Restaurant approved for former Willows restroom

(Thanks to Ron G.)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU'RE FREE TO GO

Shoplifter said stolen joint of beef reminded him of his dead grandmother

(Thanks to Ron G.)

AW

Wild video shows mugger immediately hit by bus

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

TOTALLY RATIONAL

Angered over bathroom fan request, Syracuse man defecates in roommate's car, police say

(Thanks to Chris Knight and Ron G.)

IT WAS ASKING FOR IT

Woman assaults man, beats up his couch

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR CIVILIANS TO POSSESS THOSE THINGS

Gulfport woman accused of hitting man with garden gnome

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NEW YORK TREND ALERT

Naked painting parties.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AN EMERGENCY MUSTARD TANKER IS ON THE WAY

Hot Dog Spill Closes Part of I-271 and I-77

(Thanks to Stever)