YOU'LL WANT TO SCHEDULE THAT COLONOSCOPY SOMEWHERE ELSE
100 snakes found in Canadian hospital since February
(Thanks to Ralph)
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April 26, 2013
IT'S FOR YOU
Ex-Con Who Hid Stolen iPhone Up His Butt Foiled When It Started Ringing
(Thanks to Phil McAvity)
WHY THIS IS THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH
Trojan to distribute free vibrators in New Orleans on May 3
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "Mother's Day is c-c-coming.")
BONGS IN THE NEWS
April 25, 2013
IF YOU FISH IN FLORIDA....
...you better measure your mackerel.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
GO FIGURE
WE BLAME THE MONKEY
Swedish police find drugs and a stun gun on Justin Bieber's tour bus
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
TAKE THE REST OF THE WEEK OFF
THEY WERE ALL AWARDED FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES
Arlington County Recognizes 19 Notable Trees
(Thanks to Ryan Young)
NOBLESVILLE POLICE NEWS
Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Noblesville Police News.
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
CLEARLY A FLORIDIAN HAS DISCOVERED FLATHEAD COUNTY
12:41 p.m. Someone in a silver Prius was seen making bad decisions on Highway 35.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
ALL THE MORE REASON TO SUPPORT HIS CANDIDACY
Anthony Weiner ‘can’t say’ if other pics exist
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
WAIT, WHO?
... Imogen Poots is obviously one of those ladies, who gets all the hunky leading men.
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)
NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM
TAMPA RETAIL REPORT
This has been the Tampa Retail Report.
(Thanks to ubetcha)
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
(Thanks to jon harris)
INCLUDING THE PILOT?
Virgin America flights allow mile-high flirting
Passengers can send drinks, texts to others
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and jon harris)
April 24, 2013
THE FINAL FRONTIER
Nasa Mars Rover Accidentally Draws Penis On Red Planet
(Thanks to Ralph)
DEDICATION
NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ONE
Mormon bishop pulls samurai sword on alleged attacker
(Thanks to Sybix and Craig Roberts)
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
Selena Gomez Says Bieber Has ‘Tiny, Weird Penis’
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
BEFORE THE INTERNET, WE HAD NO WAY TO STAY INFORMED
Man who built a menu-fort to block out girl he was bickering with finds unwanted internet fame
(Thanks to Allen at Division and DaninTustin)
RELIGIOUS LEADER OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Pastor in Court for Allegedly Stealing Female Church Member's Pants, Bra
(Thanks to Omniskeptic)
WE SAW TAINTED BUTT OPEN FOR THE SEX PISTOLS
Aiming redemption, tainted Butt meets PCB officials
(Thanks to Unholy Slakcer)
THIS WILL BE A BIG HIT IN THE FOOD COURT
72,000 Ladybugs Released Inside Mall of America On Earth Day In Place Of Pesticides
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and coscolo)
MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER
HIPSTERS IN ACTION
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
OTHER THAN THAT, IT WENT WELL
Man pulls a gun and carjacks woman at the end of their first date
Guess the state.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
TECHNOLOGY
Fake shower app helps mask unwanted toilet noises
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
DAD DOES NOT WANT A SHIRT THIS FATHER'S DAY
Dad wants this.
(Thanks to Janice Gelb)
April 23, 2013
ANYBODY MISSING ANYTHING?
Mysterious Hudson River giant head found by Marist crew
(Thanks to Shelley Acoca)
WE HOPE IT WAS HIS SHADE
Man Caught Stealing 102 Bottles of Nail Polish
(Thanks to Ron G.)
CANADA:
(Thanks to Ron G.)
GOD SAVE THEM
The 39 Drunkest People In Britain
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
MEANWHILE IN SPORTS
NAME THAT STATE!
WHY WE LOVE THE ONION
MY KIND OF TOWN
HE WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT THE OPTIONAL DRAPERY ATTACHMENT
WHY THIS IS THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH
(Thanks to Steve "The Amazing Steve" Pietrowicz)
SHOW SOME RESPECT, LADIES
Stunning 3D Sperm Images Reveal New Motion
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
NO DOUBT
...wearing processed breast milk around the neck or in a bracelet has ignited some passions.
(Thanks to wanderer2575)
CSI: STEAMBOAT
10:05 p.m. Police received a call from a woman who said her juvenile granddaughter was at the ski area last week and ran into a person who was selling bags of what she thought were portobello mushrooms dipped in chocolate for $30. Police said the granddaughter further informed her grandmother that giraffes were chasing her down the hill after she ate the mushrooms.
(Thanks to Ken Fineberg and Ralph)
A GRATEFUL NATION REJOICES
Former Rep. Anthony Weiner has found his way back onto Twitter
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
IT NOW QUALIFIES FOR A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE
Scientists Reverse Memory Loss in Sea Snail Brain Cell
(Thanks to queensbee)
THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN
Kansas woman meets circus tiger in bathroom
(Thanks to DeskDiva, who says: "Had this been me, the restroom would no longer have been necessary. A shower, on the other hand.... They should have tried this with the woman who's gone without a BM for 45 days. Coulda saved a lotta money.") (Also thanks to Jeff Meyerson, RussellMc and DaninTustin)
April 22, 2013
DUDE
Video shows UC Santa Cruz police confiscating 2-pound joint from 4/20 party
(Thanks to funny man, who says "We're gonna need more pizza.")
YET THE PIXIES WERE NOT CHARGED
Man jailed for watching cartoon pixies have sex
(Thanks to funny man)