SOON WE WILL HAVE NO RIGHTS LEFT
Driving With Your Dog? Bill Would Prohibit Pets Behind the Wheel
(Thanks to coscolo)
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March 31, 2013
TIME FOR A BENEFIT CONCERT
(Thanks to Little Big Man and Jan in Grimsby)
MOST INSCRUTABLE HEADLINE OF THE WEEK SO FAR
CSI: Te Puke and the kiwifruit virus Psa
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
We saw Te Puke and the kiwifruit virus Psa open for Tommy James and the Shondells.
AND THEN THEY BIT THEM
Cops bark like dogs, trick burglary suspects into surrendering
(Thanks to Janice Gelb)
ALTHOUGH IT WOULD PROBABLY MAKE THEM MORE POPULAR
Chinese Billboards Warn Locals 'Not To Photoshop Officials Into Porn'
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
FUN COUPLE
Man seeks to divorce wife for refusing to make love to a snake
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
IT'S A MEDICALLY RECOGNIZED TREATMENT
Man upset with wife's snoring set her clothes on fire
(Thanks to funny man)
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE 911
NH Woman Called 911 To Get Help Ordering Chinese Food
(Thanks to DaninTustin)
A *TON*, DUDE?
Hemp ton inspires Bermuda to victory
(Thanks to Sharon, who says "And the Munchies at the Victory Party were Legendary!")
March 30, 2013
TIME FOR VIOLENT WORLDWIDE PROTEST MARCHES
Justin Bieber's monkey quarantined in Germany
(Thanks to Ironked)
NO NEED TO GUESS THE STATE
HIGHER EDUCATION
College Offers Course Devoted Entirely To Pornography
We considered making a joke about studying hard, but we are far too classy.
(Thanks to Vortmax)
March 29, 2013
PLEASE CELEBRATE APPROPRIATELY
It's almost National Cleavage Day.
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Unfortunately 'have it your way' was the Burger King slogan.")
SALE!
(Thanks to funny man)
LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF PRACTICAL USES
(Thanks to jon harris)
HE DID NOT OBJECT
Couple marries at uncle's funeral
(Thanks to The Perts)
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
IN THE TRUE SPIRIT OF EASTER
How to Make Peep-Infused Vodka
(Thanks to jon harris)
SURVEILLANCE VIDEO OF THE WEEK SO FAR
We have got to provide better training for our criminals.
(Thanks to Janice Gelb, Loudmouth, The Perts and Jeff Meyerson)
TECHNOLOGY FOR MEN
IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING WHETHER THEY ARE IN FACT THE SPAWN OF SATAN
Squirrels crash Easter egg hunt
(Thanks to Ralph)
March 28, 2013
WHO YA GONNA CALL?
Fire Department in Laurens County Catches Fire
(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)
WITHOUT THE MIRACLE THAT IS THE INTERNET, WE WOULD NEVER HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THIS
Brazilian model breastfeeds a calf on Instagram
(Thanks to Ron G.)
SPORTSPERSONSHIP
WE'RE SURE IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE
Elin Nordegren’s Boyfriend Parks Larger Yacht Right Next to Tiger Woods’ at Jupiter Island
(Thanks to Bill Jones)
THE DOG WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE
BECAUSE OF OUR STRICT POLICY, WE ARE NOT MAKING FUN OF THIS INDIVIDUAL'S NAME
Man exposed himself to cleaners
(Thanks to funny man)
ANYBODY MISSING SOMETHING?
Eyeballs found in trash at Kansas City gas station
(Thanks to jon harris, who says "I've been looking everywhere," and Bill from Salisbury, MA.)
GO AHEAD, TRY TO GUESS THE STATE
Delira, who is 6-foot-2-inches and weighs 375-pounds, according to inmate records, kept giving the cop his zip code -- when he was asked for his phone number -- and told the cop that his "zip code was how much he had to drink," the affidavit stated.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
ENGLAND
VERY CAREFULLY
THERE'S ONLY ONE STATE WHERE THIS COULD HAPPEN
WE SAW VENOMOUS BOOGERS OPEN FOR THE RAMONES
Sea Slug Squirts Venomous Boogers at Enemies
(Thanks to Caitlin Gibson, wiredog and Gregg in Baton Rouge)
ONE BY ONE, WE ARE LOSING ALL OF OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS
Boulder couple involved in topless-gardening fight investigated over threat to president
(Thanks to Loudmouth and Matt Filar)
GUESS THE STATE
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
UK DINING UPDATE
Mystery meat in takeaway curries ‘could be from cat or dog'
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "I'll stick with the spotted dick, please.")
JERSEY
Man arrested in N.J. with $200K in stolen Wisconsin cheese
(Thanks to Barbara A)
A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY
PLAYING HARD TO GET, SOUTH CAROLINA STYLE
ITS FACEBOOK RELATIONSHIP STATUS IS 'COMPLICATED'
(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)
MEANWHILE IN SPORTS
WWE Star X-Pac Tears Anus Attempting Bronco Buster
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
RESTAURANT REVIEW OF THE WEEK
Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Restaurant Review of the Week.
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
ATTENTION, DECEASED PEOPLE:
Need mourners? Rent them through UK firm
(Thanks to Mike Ester and The Perts)
NOBODY SAID THE WAR ON TERROR WOULD BE EASY
OUR HEART GOES OUT TO THEM
Guests stranded at Tan Hill pub - four days and counting
(Thanks to W. von Papineau)
BECAUSE NATURE WASN'T ALREADY SCARY ENOUGH
Researchers Discover Amphibian Species that Peel and Eat their Mother's Skin
(Thanks to W. von Papineau)
ALWAYS EFFECTIVE
Woman says man showed off to ex- by spraying her with hose
(Thanks to Scott Cramer)
March 27, 2013
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH MONEY IN THE WORLD
Man trapped in ‘It’s a Small World’ wins suit
(Thanks to Dan "Tom Tomorrow" Perkins)